Halloween, dear readers, is just over a week away.
Perhaps you planned ahead, and have already sketched out your costume and you are ready for Halloween. In that case, you can stop reading here, because you are ahead of the game! Congratulations, but make sure to check out all the other fine content we have here for you at SB Nation. Might I recommend this deep dive into NFL owner beef.
However, if you are still here that means two things. First, you love sports, because after all you are reading a piece at SB Nation. Second, you are still looking for a costume idea.
So why not combine the two?
We spent far too long recently coming up with some sports-themed Halloween costume ideas, and since we cannot wear all of them, we thought we would share them with our dear readers. So here are our favorite sports-themed Halloween costumes for this October.
After all, you don’t want to end up as this New York Jets fan in the above photo, just wearing a pumpkin on your head. You can do better, and we are here to help.
Skinny Tom Brady
If you really want to go for the ghoulish look, I present to you: 2022 Tom Brady.
Look at how sunken his cheekbones are, that’s just wild to me. He kind of looks like All Might from My Hero Academia AFTER he uses up all of his power. If you really want to go all out this Halloween, go as the man who never lets anything stop him from playing football—even his family.
— J.P. Acosta
The Tennessee goalposts
After Tennessee knocked off Alabama in an instant classic, something happened at Neyland Stadium.
The goalposts went on a magical mystery tour.
They were taken down, carted out of the stadium, to the campus bars, and eventually ended up in the drink:
This touched off the rather absurd notion of the school putting together a GoFundMe for new goalposts — despite having a backup set already at the stadium — but we should not hold that against the goalposts themselves. For over a decade they were waiting to see Tennessee beat Alabama, and having finally seen that magical moment, they were given the hero’s sendoff they deserved. To Valhalla, dear goalposts.
Now you can honor them in the best way possible, as a Halloween costume. Cardboard, some white paint, and you’re good to go.
Going to the bathroom might be tricky, so perhaps plan ahead...
— Mark Schofield
Sexy Andy Reid
It’s Andy Reid, but sexy. I don’t mean to insinuate Andy Reid isn’t inherently sexy as-is, but in the world of Halloween costumes that doesn’t matter. Everything can be made sexy in the costume space. There’s sexy Harry Potter, sexy Garfield, hell, there’s a Sexy Woody from Toy Story costume if that’s what you’re into.
The Sexy Andy Reid is a gender-neutral look. All that’s really required is a Chiefs’ cap, a clip board, and a push-broom mustache. Then you to show off whatever asset you’re comfortable with. I’m all for body positivity, so why not SLAY it with the sexy football mastermind of Andy Reid?
— James Dator
Desperate Housewife Aaron Rodgers
I think Aaron Rodgers is mentally on the same plane as Squidward when he’s in his Tiki Land, which is to say that they are both done with their current areas where they work. Why would I say this? Because he’s dressing like Tony Soprano.
Aaron Rodgers: “I’m not worried about this squad. In fact, this might be the best thing for us.” pic.twitter.com/KzLwzDsd2J— Matt Schneidman (@mattschneidman) October 23, 2022
If you’re like Aaron Rodgers and want to go for minimal effort this Halloween, this is the costume for you. A simple Target robe will work and it’ll have you looking like Darth Ayahuasca.
— J.P. Acosta
Hans Niemann allegedly hiding a vibrating device in his butt
You have heard of our favorite ever chess scandal, right? It’s the one where world No. 1 player Magnus Carlsen accused 19-year-old Hans Moke Niemann of cheating — an accusation that led to speculation about him receiving signals through vibrating anal beads. They later also scanned his butt at the U.S. Chess Championships, in case you were wondering about that.
Yes, a magnificent scandal all around. And what better way to honor it than by dressing up as Niemann this Halloween? Just put on a button-up shirt and jacket and have a friend or loved one stand behind you fake-scanning your rear end with a cellphone or something, and you’ll be golden.
Additionally, you or one of your friends can also dress up as Carlsen. Just put on a different jacket and button-up shirt — because apparently that is the style of choice for the world’s top chess players — and make sure to look suspicious at any and all butts you encounter.
— Bernd Buchmasser
Slow-as-molasses Josh Hawley
Put on a suit. Jog, but not too fast. Boom, done.
— Bernd Buchmasser
The Lakers’ offense
Do you want to express your displeasure and/or glee about everyone’s favorite and/or most-hated basketball abomination? Then look no further than Amazon, which has a sort of astounding amount of options for “Brick Wall Halloween Costume.” If you truly want to look like you are shooting 21.2% from three, we recommend wearing a Lakers jersey of your choice underneath this excellent brick wall Halloween cloak that exists for some reason.
— Harrison Faigen