If you appreciate big dumb mascots, the USFL’s Philadelphia Stars have you covered. Last week the Stars unveiled their mascot, who I’m affectionately calling “Stoned Space Goblin,” but knowing it’s not PG enough, they’re putting the mascot’s name up to a fan vote.
It's time to name the best mascot in the league!— Philadelphia Stars (@USFLStars) April 14, 2022
We gathered your top name suggestions to vote on below ⬇️ pic.twitter.com/TF3LeM5Hgh
This is always a terrifying prospect. Allowing the internet to decide anything is a mammoth risk, but the Stars hedged their bet by allowing only three names in the final vote: Astro, Cosmo ... and Blob. At the time of writing, guess which one was winning?
Yes, you’ll notice I voted for Blob. Of course I voted for Blob. I’m so in favor of a mascot named “Blob” that I don’t trust the 36.1 percent of people who didn’t vote for Blob.
This has to cement Philadelphia as the mascot capital of the United States. Every city has them, but nobody is more committed to dumb mascots than Philly. You’ve got the Phanatic, of course there’s Gritty ... now Blob. I’m not counting Franklin the Dog of the Sixers, because he’s not dumb enough. Still, Blob is ready to enter the Philly pantheon and ascend to mascot greatness.
I’ll always love this Stoned Space Goblin for everything he is, no matter what his name ends up being.