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Seth Davis has hot health tips for you

Juicing cures everything except weak RPI, per Seth Davis

Seth Davis is a college basketball writer and personality, but he wants you to know he is so much more. He is a man who cares about things: the obesity epidemic in America, the benefits of juicing, and his mother's alkaline-balancing lifestyle business.

Appearing randomly in a stream of basketball thoughts last night was this:

The site belongs to Davis' mother, who "kicked the s---" out of cancer and then started a business centered around ion-free renewed living, or something that involves deionized water and infrared saunas. It would be great to link to some peer-reviewed scientific literature describing the benefits of any of this, but you can't share something that doesn't exist.

This led to Davis noticing that America has many sad fat people, and this made him accordingly sad.

This came after seven tweets about juicing, another tweet linking to his mom's science-free website, and another about how all you need to do to lose weight is drink twice as much water and no sugary soda, and perhaps you should go to his mom's website. (Also, something about juicing.)

Then he endorses "green juice," a blend of vegetables Davis consumes daily. For our purposes here, let's assume "green juice" is espresso brewed with absinthe. It's just as palatable as what he recommends.

Couldn't imagine a truer statement, because absinthe is delicious, and vegetables are not. Seth Davis has exposed others to this, and they THOUGHT IT WAS AS GOOD AS DRUGS:

Revealed: Seth Davis and one producer at Turner have never paid for quality narcotics. Don't worry about the scientific validity of his theories, though. Dr. Selig assures you of their validity.

The same sport that brought you the infinite health benefits of ionizing necklaces and bracelets, and grown men and women paying money for them in the 21st century? MOVE OVER, MAYO CLINIC. This argument is already over.

To review: Seth Davis has solved the obesity crisis, carries around a foul deconstructed bottled salad with him at all times, and really wants you to go to his mom's website full of internet science and expensive, demon-killing deionizing equipment. (Because, umm...alkalinity, pH, juicing, and GMOs and raw food and stuff.) Seth Davis may be reached somewhere on the road to Wellville, or at his Twitter basketball and juicing account @SethDavisHoops.