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The new March Madness Selection Sunday show is dumb, so let’s make it way dumber

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Here are 18 ways to make this even worse.

2017 Toronto International Film Festival - 'The Carter Effect' Premiere Photo by Joe Scarnici/Getty Images

Before unveiling the March Madness bracket, this year’s two-hour Selection Sunday show will first unveil the teams in alphabetical order, I guess to avoid stringing along the players and coaches on bubble teams? That’d be nice of Turner, since the TV drama is based around actual humans with actual things at stake. And/or it’s just a way to stretch out the reveal.

Either way, it’s going to make for a silly show.

However! This is college sports. We need to go sillier.

  1. Reveal only mascots. Congrats to all Bulldogs, Eagles, Tigers, and Wildcats.
  2. A map with a gray dot for each team. Congrats to UCLA or USC or both.
  3. NBA-style lottery. Congrats to Pitt.
  4. The bracket is posted on Facebook among 10,000 fake brackets. The first team to find the real one moves up a seed.
  5. @NCAA: if this gets 10000 likes i’ll release the bracket lmaooo idc! [shrug emoji]
  6. Scratch-offs.
  7. Posted in a World of Warcraft dungeon or what have you. Did you know millions of people still play that game? I had no idea.
  8. Drake lists 68 college basketball teams he’s been a lifelong fan of, as of this moment.
  9. Slideshow.
  10. One of the 68-tweet threads in Trump’s Twitter mentions is the bracket. Have fun digging in there until you find it!
  11. Da Vinci Code in the NCAA’s 428-page Division I rulebook.
  12. On forbes.com.
  13. Jimmy Kimmel records himself lying to you about your team making it.
  14. Revealed via QR code or blockchain or whatever. No one knows or cares what these are.
  15. Mark Emmert’s SoundCloud.
  16. Rose ceremony. “Jim Boeheim, will you accept this 10 seed in the West?”
  17. Adam Sandler sings an original song about each of the 68 teams in a three-hour Netflix special.
  18. Alabama’s automatic No. 4. None of the other 67 seeds matter, but UCF gets to pick UCF’s seed.

What else? How can we make this as bad as possible?