Florida Gators offensive coaches have been cranking out shitty Photoshops on Twitter and Instagram for about a month now. It's all being done for recruiting, because high schoolers like to laugh at shitty Photoshops just as much as you do.
These days, most coaches are on Twitter. They tweet photos of themselves being stately, motivational quotes from movies released in the past two years that they absolutely have not seen, Bible verses, and whichever hashtag the kids are using today that isn't about sex.
But it all went off the deep end for Florida right around here, when Joker Phillips alleged that any of these hashtags were trending. This is like when pro wrastlin' claims Alberto Del Rio Vs. Dolph Ziggler For All The Tortas Gotta Pay Money To See It is trending worldwide two seconds after that match is announced.
New trending hash tag #PlayWRforJoker #growing #expanding #SpreadingFloridaFootball #ComeGetCoachedByJoker— Joker Phillips (@jokerphillips) March 23, 2013
But then the 'shops began. They weren't so bad at first.
Calling on EVERYONE to join #GatorNation We want future Gator Greats not future Gator Bait #ComePlayWRForTheJoker twitter.com/jokerphillips/…— Joker Phillips (@jokerphillips) April 1, 2013
Then they were bad.
As everyone in GatorNation awoke. The Joker awaits everyone on the field to come out & play #comeplaywrforthejoker twitter.com/jokerphillips/…— Joker Phillips (@jokerphillips) April 8, 2013
So for a while, we thought it was at least contained to Phillips, or at least to Phillips and his baby KISS cover band.
The message is CLEAR. It's now on YOU. #ComePlayWRforTheJoker @treyburton8 @quintondunbar1 @pitt_2time @andredebose4 twitter.com/jokerphillips/…— Joker Phillips (@jokerphillips) April 15, 2013
It was not.
Searching for ALL types of Top Guns. #AllPositions #GatorFootball #TheStandard twitter.com/CoachPease/sta…— Brent Pease (@CoachPease) April 15, 2013
First response to the following 'shop on Twitter: "We're gonna crack the top 100 in offense this year!"
Let the excitement begin. #gatornation#GatorFootball we have a mission to do @jeffdriskel @tylermurphy10 twitter.com/CoachPease/sta…— Brent Pease (@CoachPease) April 22, 2013
Running backs coach Brian White joined in by imagining himself or you or someone else as a racecar, specifically a kind of racecar that cannot turn or avoid traffic and will only result in immediate flaming casualty if asked to run Power:
A coach at Florida (justifiably) touted something that happened at Boise State. To imagine that happening 10 years ago is to feel your brain leaking out of your ears.
I coached #KellenMoore, one of the best QBs in CFB history. Who wants to be the next legendary QB I coach? twitter.com/CoachPease/sta…— Brent Pease (@CoachPease) March 29, 2013
Brent Pease took a break to explain what's preoccupying Tim Tebow:
Then this one happened, and I want to point out something contained in a previous installment of the Gatorshopverse canon as we work to process it:
Florida Qb's have the drive and desire #TheStandard @jeffdriskel @tylermurphy10 #buildingchampions twitter.com/CoachPease/sta…— Brent Pease (@CoachPease) April 24, 2013
This is what the "standard" is, according to the rules of the fiction we're in:
TheUniversityOfFlorida standard.Continue the tradition #gatorgreats @jeffdriskel Aiming for the standard #GatorNation twitter.com/CoachPease/sta…— Brent Pease (@CoachPease) April 11, 2013
Tim Tebow is Harry Potter, and so are Steve Spurrier and Danny Wuerrfel.
At this point, it became impossible to process what is real and what is not real. Is this a 'shop?
Saw US Olympic runner former UF #GatorGreat @jeffdemps7 out at dinner. Great guy. #comeplaywrforthejoker twitter.com/jokerphillips/…— Joker Phillips (@jokerphillips) April 20, 2013
We are one big family #ComeBeApartOfOurFamily @jokerphillips @coach_bwhite @coachwmuschamp @jeff_dillman @coachdlew twitter.com/CoachPease/sta…— Brent Pease (@CoachPease) April 20, 2013
Surely this is a 'shop?
@coachpease twitter.com/jeffdriskel/st…— Jeff Driskel (@jeffdriskel) April 16, 2013
What about this?
Even the batman wants to play for the joker! #ComePlayWRForTheJoker twitter.com/jokerphillips/…— Joker Phillips (@jokerphillips) April 3, 2013
And we haven't even gotten to offensive line coach Tim Davis yet. Coach Davis likes movies and TV shows about swords and armor and dragons.
I didn't blow that last one up or zoom it in at all. That's the image Davis shared in all its resolution and glory.
All that gods and swords and shields stuff makes this one my favorite of all, as it has no gods or swords or shields:
Gators getting Gods four yards #AIO twitter.com/CoachTimDavis/…— Tim Davis (@CoachTimDavis) April 4, 2013
Where can Florida possibly go from here, and why has Mega Man not been used yet?
Oh, there's also one implying Will Muschamp has written a book, with its foreword written by a strength coach: