How would've Rivals.com scouted you as a sixth grade recruit?

Ryan Nanni

Position: Tight end with lousy hands and one shoe constantly untied

School: Carrollwood Day, Tampa, Fla.

Height/Weight: 5'1, 103 pounds

Strengths: Fearless spelling bee competitor. Does not shy away from contact, as evidenced by that time he wiped out riding a bike while wearing flip flops. Compensates for lack of length/height/jumping ability by sticking to four square over tetherball. Knows which Eyewitness Books are coolest.

Weaknesses: Will not shut up about Billy Madison. Thinks he looks better in that shirt with Taz on it than he really does. Allergic to basically every pet and most plants. Once took an inbounds pass the wrong way in a game of basketball. Seriously, will not shut up about Billy Madison.

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Danny Rubenstein

Position: Point center

School: Sierra Canyon Middle, Chatsworth, Calif.

Height/Weight: 5'6, 115 pounds

Strengths: Excellent handle; can go left or right with ease. Very good court sense. Confidence levels off the charts. Tremendous Simpsons and Seinfeld trivia abilities. Able to juggle simultaneous crushes on three to four girls at a time. Monthly subscriber to Beckett.

Weaknesses: Hot dogs. Prone to stubborn chucking. Not afraid of contact against smaller post players, but shies away from similarly sized athletes. Too many naps during homework time. Unable to talk to girls with any sort of frequency or efficiency.

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Stephen White

Position: Middle linebacker/Defensive end

School: Westwood Elementary, Fairview, Tenn.

Height/Weight: 5'3, 165 pounds

Strengths: High character guy. Snitches on his big brother and sister all the time. Pretty good functional strength when taking out the garbage. Good leg drive as he mows the lawn. Flashes better than average speed when chased by neighborhood dogs. Knee bender when washing family cars. Gets all the way down there to do a great job scrubbing hubcaps.

Weaknesses: Very soft around the middle. We hear he spends an awful lot of time begging his parents for stuff like Big Macs instead of just being content with his Mom's delicious home-cooked meals. Lack of endurance may be an issue. On the few occasions he has to walk home from school, he acts as if he is going to pass out. Probably better as a DL because of stiffness in the hips when trying to change directions during Duck Duck Goose.

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Peter Berkes

Position: Defensive end/Tight end who literally could not catch a pass if his life depended on it

School: Klem North Elementary, Webster, N.Y.

Height/Weight: 5'6, 125 pounds

Strengths: Long, vaguely athletic edge rusher with a bad temper. Focusing on football after disappointing stints playing baseball, lacrosse, basketball, tennis and golf. Occasionally coachable. Extremely good at Age of Empires.

Weaknesses: Not a huge fan of contact or tackling. Slow. Not a motor guy. Doesn't care for orange slices. Refuses to wear jeans.

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Steven Godfrey

Position: Defensive end/Outside linebacker

School: Marsteller Middle, Manassas, Va.

Height/Weight: 5'5, 100 pounds

Strengths: Tall, rangy anchor who fits well on any class photo's back row. Displays great core strength by carrying a backpack containing at least 10 issues of WWF Magazine at all times. Handles spotlight. Christopher Robin in school play and academic team member. Has memorized sequential order of entire Nancy Drew book series.

Weaknesses: Has already sustained one concussion (Boy Scout camp). Slow shuttle run times and size create dodgeball liability. Discipline issue. Faked sickness to avoid band assembly to watch Full House, emphasizing contrived future relationship with Candace Cameron. Claimed to defeat Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on Nintendo, later admitted to renting Game Genie.