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The four stages of a Les Miles postgame press conference

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Les Miles takes you on a spiritual voyage in just two minutes.

Les Miles' press conference after a thrilling win over Ole Miss isn't one long amazing ramble. It's like four separate stories in one, each with its own wisdom. Listen to Les; learn from Les.

1. Les is emotional. Les Miles loses control of his voice defending his team from the descriptor "flop." Note: no one appears to have made this argument, nor is arguing with Les, but Les is having none of your reason because he is on a roll.

2. Les is possessed by Bo Schembechler. Les grits his teeth, curses, and then describes his team as "a spectacular group of men" before suggesting everyone hug his football players, and if they are female, kiss them on the mouth. Les Miles goes a bit too far out of his way to be heteronormative here, but that's not his fault. That's Bo Schembechler's, because his ghost is from the 1940s, and thus trapped in the attitudes of a very different time while possessing the captive body of his former player, Leslie Miles.

3. Les Miles is ten years old. "WOW WHAT A GAME." Les Miles' most endearing trait is the ability to become ten years old in a matter of nanoseconds, as he does here. Les has gone to Target for jumper cables, and returned home with three hundred dollars' worth of Nerf guns. That's happened, and do not deny that it has.

4. Les Miles is a mime.

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