This Week In Schadenfreude: New vistas in Clemsoning

This Week In Schadenfreude trawls the internet for the most unhinged reactions to the week of college football. This week: philosophical discursions on the nature and being of Clemsoning! Drunk, belligerent, and rooting for Iowa State is no way to go through life, son! The re-GERGening! The entire SEC sets upon itself!

By Brian Cook Oct 22, 2013, 3:32pm EDT

oh man this is not good for our urban dictionary entry

Biggest home game in years. You've finally shook that notion you can't win big games. You've shook the notion that you'll lose to NC State whenever you do happen to win a big game. You've got Tajh Boyd and Sammy Watkins.

You lose 51-14. That wasn't Clemsoning, Clemson, but it wasn't good. It resulted in this:

That's not good. When your opponent is doing that. Bad.

Maybe it was Clemsoning?

We CLEMSONED again! This time [4]
In a manner no less than total CLEMSONED ! We lost so epically after countless hours of saying we were past those days that this one will be remembered for years. No matter what we do now or how high we rank, everyone n I mean everyone will be waiting for the big crash. Again. What a pathetic showing for a number 3 team. Unreal

"In a manner no less than total CLEMSONED" is poetry, and like any mention of the term on TigerNet it occasions an argument as to whether Clemsoning is being ranked highly and losing to Wake Forest or being ranked highly and getting embarrassed on national television.

Was not a good environment to attempt to set a record for loudest stadium:

Did you guys set the noise record tonight? It was hard/impossible to tell on TV, but I was really hoping you guys would set the noise record.

RazzMcTazz: Yes, we set the record for the loudest sound made by a turd hitting the bed.

A philosophy for life from TigerNet::

Tired of being cyber bullied by Tnet propaganda [1]

lol
lol
Gonna work on L-I-V-I-N
You know that spot where reality truly exist.
Oh and what I have found truly offensive on this site is the term "Germans".
Very lame guys.
Work on dropping that in my absence.
Auf Wiedersehen

Fifty/fifty this guy served in the Great War and wants them called Huns.

This gentleman is "tigerinlosangeles" and watched on televisoin:

How could ALL of you leave early and represent me so poorly [5]

Never been more ashamed of Tiger fans than I am tonight. The team had a bad night and disappointed me. But the fair weather fans with their poor little feelings hurt were shameful spoiled children and were far worse representatives of our school tonight than the team was.

Response:

pretty easy really. Just gotta stand up and walk out. [3]

stairs can be tough to navigate, but doable.

This is a sweet man:

Game was like seeing your beloved Child outdone at piano.... [1]

recital when you "thought" your child sounded so dang-gum good while practicing at home..even though you have a bad ear for sound..and had no real comparison of the other talent until the 12th hour. A shocker & total embarrassment, but life goes on.
GoTiGERS..and keep practicing!

He has the misfortune to be on a message board:

I thought it was more like seeing your puppy hit by a car

Yeah man why do you care what the bachelor thinks anyway?

Why have Clemson fans become a bunch of emo pansies? [26]

Clemson fans used to never care about what the media says. Now Clemson fans hang on every word on what somebody in the media states. The traditional Clemson fan attitude towards the media has always been "who cares what they think". Now we have a large number of fans getting upset over what a person who was on The Bachelor says. Clemson fans sounded like coot [ed: South Carolina] fans in the way they got upset over what a 5th rate analyst, in Jesse Palmer, said about us.

Finally, a strong contender for TWIS mission statement:

I have a broken heart and a weak liver

Clemson, you are in possession of the Tears of Unfathomable Sadness. The rest of the week in spleen:

ACC

Virginia led Duke 22-0 in the second quarter. Pretty good. Duke went away in the second half, scoring… 35 straight points to win 35-22. Because they're Duke.

As Virginia conspires to lose the lead in the second half:

anyone else getting that feeling... i don’t like this

Dear Offense

DO SOMETHING. SCORE POINTS.

Love,
wahoocrew

guyjumpingoutwindow.gif

catstuckinbottle.jpg

i don't even know why i do this to myself every week runis my fucking Saturday every time

guyhurlingpapers.gif

I'm going to throw up

I'm sad

Throughout the entire game, I kept going to my "this is unbelievable" go-to phrase when sports go wrong….except now it’s never unbelievable for UVA football.

Hypothetical game preparation:

The Hoos looked to use an off week to recoup from a disappointing road loss against Maryland and prepare for an always difficult Georgia Tech squad. Many naps were had, juice boxes and graham crackers distributed, and film sessions were replaced with hold-hands-and-talk-about-your-feelings hour.

I could wander onto The Sabre, but it would just be more fondue recipes.

Also in ACC humiliations, Syracuse faced off with Georgia Tech and lost 56-0. Apparently they made a midseason switch to a 3-4, which worked about as well as Michigan's midseason switch to a 3-3-5 in Scott Shafer's only year in Ann Arbor. That is not learning. Nor is this:

Proud of this football board.

Not many other football fans would still be watching their team right now.
We few.
We proud.
We cursed.

This is:

We've been Re-GERG'd

56-0???
Good Lord, what a disgrace.
Even Gerg is impressed with that incompetent display of suckitude.

"The gerg is strong in this one."

Needless to say...I'm concerned about our head coach.

Elsewhere, there's only one man who can save this:

You may all think I am crazy but hiring Coach P would help to shore up recruiting in the NE. He has so many connections and is so well liked by the high school coaches in NY, NJ and CT assuming he was willing to step down into a non-HC position. Btw, he was the headliner coach at the NY coaches association annual meeting when he first became HC at UConn (they bumped Marrone btw).

Yes. That one.

It's got a better chance of working out than a Syracuse QB throwing the ball:

odds of three passing performances this bad 3 games in a row: 1 in 8,000

If you randomly picked three team QB ratings from last year, you would have a 1 in 8,000 chance of getting all three having a QB rating less than 70
69.56 is the high water mark for SU the last three games.
Last year, only 5% of offenses were that bad in a game.
5%^3 = .0125%
1/.0125% = 8,000.

That is not good.

Big Twelve

While Iowa State didn't expect to beat Baylor, there's a special kind of misery when your team gets curb-stomped 71-7 and outgained 714(!) yards to 174. It's enough to replace a weekly gifs post with a collection of despair gifs. The GIF Oracle did not do its best work in response:

@oracle gif me dumpsterfireapocalypse

Let's peek into the gamethread.

Dear Satan

I know I’ve been fairly good lately and I apologize for that. I know you are very busy and don’t really have time to worry about sporting events with all the murdering going on out their. But if you good find it in your ever loving heart to help out our beloved Cyclone, It would be greatly appreciated….Omen.

At least they didn't score on the first play

Made Baylor Punt!! Drink!

Is it possible to make this drive last 27 minutes?

And it begins...

How many years in a row for offensive atrocity? Its like Seneca wiped his ass with the shroud of turin on his way out.

Well, this was fun while it lasted. Now I'm just hoping Baylor gives us a stick to bite down on to quiet the screams.

I love Wimberly, too bad he chose us. Hahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahaahahahhahahhahaah. Im drunk.

Im gonna make a rage baby tonight.

Everyone in this thread appears to be drinking liquor, heavily. Not sure if that's an Iowa State thing — the blog is Wide Right Natty Light — or just a we-have-one-win-and-we're-playing-Baylor thing.

I'm just going to start mainlining rum until this abortion of a season is dead and gone.

You know things aren't going well when Baylor has a 42 yard play in the 2nd quarter

and it doesn’t even illicit a reaction. More of a resounding, "whatever".

On the bright side

we haven’t given up a 50 yd play.

This season is playing out like Old Yeller.

Just take the whole team out back and put them down.

Waco is too loud for us to get our plays called and relayed in time...

It is the end of days… repent.

And… halftime.

@oracle gif me anal destruction

by AmericanCyclone on Oct 19, 2013 | 5:25 PM reply

by The GIF Oracle on Oct 19, 2013 | 5:25 PM

Finally:

I think this might be the first time in recorded history that a coach has received a Gatorade shower for beating Iowa State.

So there’s that

Big Ten

It's a thin week in the league what with losers Iowa, Illinois, and Indiana putting up respectable outings in games they expected to lose. So it's time to delve into another of the most irritatingly logical and intelligent fanbases in the country: Northwestern. The Wildcats, talked up as major contenders in whatever division they happen to be in, are now 0-3 in the league after a 20-17 loss to Minnesota without Kain Colter and Venric Mark. Disillusionment would like a word:

The Disillusionment Council of America is deeply sorry that the things you want to be true are not. They're sorry there's no god, and that your parents were Santa Claus, and that your significant other has been sleeping around behind your back since last July. (Wait, did you not know about that? Whoops. The Disillusionment Council of America apologizes for this premature disillusionment.) But they can't fix the world. They're merely here to remove the veil and show you the truth -- the hideous, cold, awful truth -- and help you live with it.

And that's it. These ingrates continue to like Pat Fitzgerald and are okay with struggling through this season with Mark and Colter banged up. Why u no spittle? Is it because you have other things in your life? Stop that immediately. Look at Iowa State for guidance.

Pac-12

UCLA's surprisingly combustible fanbase tasted defeat for the first time this year at Stanford, which has been pretty dang good of late. No matter, for blood the Bruins want and blood they will have:

1. First, the Equipment Manager failed – Can anyone recall the last time our guys either tripped or fell untouched by the opposition on so many occasions? When your team kicks up more divots than Seabiscuit or Phil Mickelson playing right-handed for charity, someone needs to make the call to change cleats/equipment at the half . . . if you can't cut, you can't block or run, and you open up greater injury potential for the guys in the trenches (all of which played out). FAIL

I wish this didn't sound like Michigan fan complaints about their switch to Adidas, but there it is.

SEC

Every loser in the league has caterwauling to do, either because they were upset, sometimes in some very stupid circumstances, or they are Florida fans who regard their team like jungle regards napalm, or they are Arkansas fans who just witnessed a shutout at the hands of Bama. It'll have to be a quick tour.

LSU fans after Les Miles allowed Ole Miss to run out the clock before a game-winning field goal attempt and talked about overruling some assistance in his press conference:

at least we dont have a staff full of braindead coaches. we just have one brain dead coach vetoing the smart coaches

He's not going to figure it out or he would have by now. He just needs to turn all football operations over to the clueful and just recruit and stand on the sidelines, chew grass and look purty.

My god almighty. How can you read that and come to any conclusion other than: our coach is kind of dumb. I'm sorry, it's just plain stupidity. The decision was stupid, the post-hoc rationale for the decision was even more stupid, and the way in which that stupid rationale was expressed is nearly incomprehensible.

…people have every right to rationally bitch about the 3rd chromosome making that awful call.

To be fair, there is a ton of pushback against the Miles vitriol.

Georgia loses to Vanderbilt(!), and this guy is probably not being serious:

Our coach is not Ford tough! Weve been lied to

Find one that drives a Chevy and offer them 6 million a year. Or even a Dodge! But only offer them 5 million
What does Saban drive? Somebody find out

This one probably is:

Will all of the Bobo supporters come up front for their verbal beatdowns

He is an absolute moron!!!!!
It makes me sick to hear people talk about how great he is and that we are lucky to have him.
CTG is Horrible
CMR is arrogant, incompetent, and ingnorant
CMB is just an absolute coward and dumbass

"Ingnorant." Board is split between pointing out that Georgia's skill position players are all injured and !!! agreement. Also:

We just lost to Vanderbilt!.......

And miZzzouri is going to represent the East in atlanta........
Baaaa!,,,, haaa ha ha ha!.......
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooowwwwwwwwww!

You can't make this shite up.
My sides ache from laughing...........
Holy shite........
Smoke if ya got 'em...... :rotflmao:

A response:

I don't understand football after that

A quick trip to Hogville after Arkansas suffered an expected but demoralizing stomping at the hands of Alabama:

80-0 scoring drought

This is THE worst razorback team we have had since we joined the SEC.Since leading 7-0 against SC we have been out scored 80-0.What the hell is going on at this school?I guess 6.5 mill doesn't buy much these days.A TOTAL EMBARRASSMENT!!!!!!!!!!!

94 unanswered points vs Bama as of 8:11 cdt

SMILE!!!!

The drought has reached 104 points.

Also:

I'm just about done caring

I don't want to die before 40.

South Carolina's huge Cockytalk message board conveniently assembles all the venting in one single 524-post thread after they became Tennessee's first top-25 victim in 20 tries.

have never seen such a high level of coaching incompetence in my lifetime. It boggles my mind Spurrier is such an imbecile at times. And I mean, "Jr. High school football coach, who's only coaching football since no one else was willing to do it". The man was an utter idiot today from his refusal to run THE LEADING RUSHER IN THE ENTIRE SEC WITH 6 MINUTES LEFT IN THE GAME, TO THE SEEMING EFFORT TO WASTE HIS TIMES OUT JUST CHECKING TO SEE IF HE COULD SOMEHOW FOOL UT INTO SOME MASSIVE GAME CANGING MISTAKE ON A FREAKING PUNT.

Never, never in my life have I ever thought less of the "GENIOUS" prowling the sidelines for the Gamecocks.

They fired Lane Kiffin as soon as he got off of the plane at Southern Cal. Had he been such a moron, they would have fired him before he ever got on the plane to come home with the team.

Steve Spurrier, and Steve Spurrier alone lost this game today. With the SEC east sitting on a silver platter for us to take.

NEXT WEEK: Florida State probably loses to NC State again! Yeah! Baylor scores 70 in the first half against Kansas! UCLA might fire up the hate again after an Oregon encounter! Pitt is totally losing to Navy!