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The great Michigan self-catfish: Dave Brandon prepares Michigan Men for the internet

A Michigan Catfish only catfishes Michigan Men.

Gregory Shamus

A Michigan Man such as Michigan athletic director Dave Brandon, former CEO of Domino's Pizza, knows the value of preparation.

So prepared is the Michigan Man for whatever travails may arise along life's paths, the Michigan Man is willing to adorn Himself in the shroud of the Michigan Woman, if the betterment of a fellow Michigan Man is the objective.

A Michigan Woman's aura of deserved self-dignation is unmistakeable to a Michigan Man schooled in the ways of school, but a Michigan Boy can fall prey to the wiles of a false temptress, a she-scholar with designs bent on activities far less dignity-embued than original research and the composition of ironic architecture.

Dare one say even a -- quote -- "student" attending Michigan State "University" or an Ohio state institution could throw on a shoddy cloak of Michigan Womanliness and thus lure the least-suspecting Michigan Man-Student-Athlete into a crude and intellectually non-stimulating trap.

Thus, it is essential for the Michigan Man Of All Michigan Men, Dave Brandon Himself, former CEO of Domino's Pizza, to shapeshift, not with his body, but with his mind, into the pinnacle ideal of all Michigan Women, so that he may demonstrate for the youngest of Michigan Men the true essence of Michigan Womanhood, which once glimpsed, can never be erased from the long halls and gleaming archways of the Michigan Mind.

POST SCRIPT: We know one thing for certain, and just one thing: Denard Robinson's internet significant others are very, very real.