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Iowa State is having an intense offseason

The Cyclones don't cheat that last set, and neither should you.

Doug Pensinger

Iowa State isn't known for having the greatest football team. The Cyclones usually play at a significant talent disadvantage, but have claimed some big-time upsets over the years by taking after their intense head coach, Paul Rhoads.

That intensity seems to be permeating every portion of the program now, including offseason conditioning. The Cyclones have started running on treadmills "that send you flying off if you don’t run hard enough," via the Ames Tribune.

Weight-lifting stations are now equipped with monitors that measure how fast players are lifting the bar, so coaches can see if they're giving maximum effort on each lift. Everything is designed so players give everything for every exercise, and it's allowed this team to break the program squat record.

Here are some other intense additions that the Cyclones should be adding soon:

  • Retrofitted fire hoses that shoot protein shakes down the players' throats.
  • Mattresses that come fitted with sensors that play a tornado siren unless the player falls asleep within one minute of lying down.
  • Running shoes that run at a full sprint, whether the player wearing them can go that fast or not.
  • Genetically modified vegetables that berate you and your loved ones if not consumed daily.

Even Coach Rhoads is getting into it, wearing sentient khakis that prevent him from standing still:


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