The Process doesn't sleep, but sometimes it falls asleep at the wheel and wakes up in the middle of Colorado State carjacking them. Colorado State should really consider using something other than a bubble gun in future robberies, because Alabama still won in a lackadaisical 31-6 rehearsal for next week's game against Ole Miss.
Bye week, but still scored five or six touchdowns in a high school scrimmage because an addict can't just quit or they'll die.
An ugly, dysfunctional, and officiating-assisted road 26-14 win over NC State. So a win, in other words, hopefully celebrated with a quick stop at Cook-Out and the full appreciation that past Clemson teams would have completely blown this game.
4. Ohio State.
A 76-point blowout and a $900,000 paycheck doesn't even get you the FAMU band anymore. This economy, man.
Pummeled Arizona State 42-28 in a game that appears closer than it was, thanks to David Shaw putting away the good hammers about two quarters into a full-scale beatdown. Warning: contained extreme targeting.
A 35-21 win over Auburn was disturbing for so many reasons, but mostly due to LSU continuing to do something described as "scoring points intentionally, and in multiples of 7."
A 72-0 game is an atrocity, but put a debate over whether FIU asked for a running clock or not into the equation? Now you've got a proper dark comedy.
8. Florida State.
Can thank Ohio State, Louisville, and Baylor for making a 54-6 win over Bethune-Cookman seem demure in comparison.
A 45-21 victory over a feisty North Texas team that was basically the Colorado State-Alabama game played 273.5 miles to the east.
10. Texas A&M.
Kevin Sumlin paid tribute to single-back idols June Jones and Hal Mumme of SMU by only scoring 42 points on the Mustangs in a 42-13 blowout, and also by removing death machine Johnny Manziel early in the third quarter.
11. Oklahoma State.
Bye week spent mailing that great SI advertisement for the program to potential recruits.
12. South Carolina.
Bye week spent at the beach. No, seriously, that's what Steve Spurrier does on bye weeks.
A tasteful 59-13 walloping of New Mexico State, because a 46-point margin of victory is practically chivalry.
Bye week, probably spent laughing at Mack Brown and/or Bill Snyder.
Won a difficult road game at Connecticut 24-21 just a week after fending off upstart Akron! A real accomplishment! Particularly when this is looking at you from the opposite sideline and frightening the children!
Won a 77-7 blowout of Savannah State. Savannah State is college football's equivalent of the person whose fetish is getting beaten by the cops for pleasure. Stop scheduling them, as they have lost their last three games against FBS competition by a combined score of 216-7. It's just disturbing at this point.
A 56-0 dispatch of Idaho State that, if accompanied with thank-you note, qualifies as one of the week's most courteous executions.
Sleepwalked through a 35-21 win against Maine, something honors dorm kids like Northwestern are wont to do after staying up all week playing Grand Theft Auto V.
Turned the ball over three times, blew a few coverages, lost their starting quarterback for the year to a broken leg. They still won 31-17, because a tire fire looks like the humble flame of a dying tiki torch when placed next to the perpetually exploding fireworks factory that is the Tennessee football program.
Did add to the carnage of this week by beating ULM 70-7, but unlike other programs can't be blamed for it. They are Bears, and it was your fault for leaving all that food in the car, Warhawks.
21. Ole Miss.
Bye week spent watching Alabama game tape and having children.
22. Notre Dame.
A 17-13 submission victory against Michigan State. (I.e. The only kind of game anyone plays against Michigan State, ever.)
23. Arizona State.
On the butt end of the aforementioned Stanford hammer party in a 42-28 loss, though did make a lively second half comeback. (Before more cruel application of the Stanford hammer partying.)
A 41-10 win over Purdue with NOTHING INTERESTING ABOUT THE END OF THE GAME AT ALL.
25. Texas Tech.
A defensive win over Texas State, 33-7, which feels weird until you remember that Texas State is coached by Dennis Franchione and is not terrible, and also that the Red Raiders are still in the startup phase of Air Raid 101 in Kliff Kingsbury's first year.