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This Week In Schadenfreude: Just go root for USF

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It's time for the weekly roundup of the best in unhinged college football fans on the internet.

Things calmed down considerably on the schadenfreude fronts this week, thanks to some well-timed bye weeks and narrowly avoided upsets. If you're angry about the latter, please send all your mail to UNC, Kansas, and Purdue. Actually, don't send anything to Kansas. They might misinterpret it as a job application, and then you'll be stuck coaching in Lawrence.

ACC

Ramblin' Wreck fans were relatively measured in their disappointment after Georgia Tech lost at home to Duke, perhaps in part due to the hour-plus rain delay before the start of the second half. But one From The Rumble Seat commenter demands pain and will create it if it is not given.

I wish nothing
But suffering and misery on the individuals who approved the targeting penalty, hitting a defenseless player penalty, and every ref who calls them.

Worst thing to ever happen to football

How dare football make attempts to reduce injuries! We shall wish injuries on those who formulated and enforce these rules. This will be most pleasing to Cutblockio, our demonic god of football pain.

Louisville had chances to upset Clemson; chances, however, only enhance the spleen when they go unseized. Just ask the good people of Card Chronicle.

pw[erGJOwpegojAP[EWRHJOWEOPR[HIJWE[PROHMWEHOPR[3WJKOQ3W[4-HOPJQW[EPHOJEMQRW[PHIMOWER[OPHM

Let's go will. DO this for the HATERZ
of which i have been one. SHUT ME THE FUCK UP, PLEASE

Do they practice penalties all week?
We're pretty damn good at it.

I like that one because I imagine a position group being led through penalty drills. "You call that encroachment? You're barely even sniffin' the neutral zone, son!"

WHAT!?
MY EMOTIONS.

BOBBY

WHAT

ARE

YOU

DOING

(is it drugs?)

UK will kick our ASSES........
Where did our O go? Where did Pitrino go? Where did our Minds go? BULLCRAP

Where did our minds go indeed, friend.

Big Ten

Things have taken that dark turn on Illinois Loyalty during which even good things are terrible:

We are moving the ball..but whomcares. This game IS OVER.

(Note to self: use "whomcares" all the time.)

UGH I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE DEPRESSED AFTER TWO TDs.

And the reason these Illini fans are angered at offensive production? It was generated by Aaron Bailey, who's been sitting on the bench all year with presumed redshirt status.

touchdown aaron bailey

football is a terrible thing

Look, the important thing is that Tim Beckman has a plan. It's entirely different from his previous plan and, in fact, involves lighting that old plan on fire. But it is a plan!

Been a while since we heard from disgusted Northwestern fans. Let's change that with a trip to Inside NU after a loss to Minnesota, shall we?

No joke
Watching Siemian try to play Quarterback is too painful. He is the Anti-Northwestern Spread Offense. He's a cancer that kills everything he touches. Every time he starts a game for Northwestern, an orphanage burns to the ground. A third year Quarterback whose regressed so bad, he might not be able to move a high school team down the field without a couple lucky penalties.

Do those orphans get to stop watching Northwestern football? Because that doesn't sound like an entirely terrible trade.

Decent people wouldn't even mention the prizefight-if-both-boxers-were-made-out-of-water-vapor that was Michigan-Penn State. But that doesn't apply to Black Shoe Diaries. Let the invocations of doom and peril begin!

Michigan is not just one of the worst teams on our schedule in 2014
It is one of the worst teams on our schedule in 10+ years. Including 1AA schools, 2014 Michigan is one of the most defeated, undercoached, injured schools Penn State has played since before the B1G started to become irrelevant.

I can't stop thinking
that this is some 2004 offense we have on the field. People with talent, but no concept of what we're doing. It's like watching a dolphin try to fuck a tractor.

was the tractor thrown into the sea?
or was the dolphin brought onto the land?

The bloom is off the rose
Franklin is the next Ron Zook, and I just hope that we're Florida and not Illinois in that analogy.

"I hope we're Ron Zook Florida." That's a real thing you just said, Penn State fan, and now if it comes true it's your fault. Ron Zook magic is too powerful to just throw around like that. He's a genie that only grants bubble screen wishes.

Big 12

Losing a game you led by three touchdowns in the fourth quarter without even making it to overtime stings, as TCU fans learned the very, very hard way last Saturday. A message board like The Frog Horn can be a safe place to work through the pain and give Baylor credit for pulling off an amazing comeback.

Sorry. Not giving those cheating slime balls any credit.

TCU gave that game away because of a pathetic defensive performance.

Hmm. Maybe that's an aberration.

I'm out. Dumb game. Baylor is full of dorks. Their stadium was POS cheap A HS stadium. Art briles has man boobs. Their red shirts who act like fools on the sidelines are stupid and unprofessional. Refs hate us. And our D sucks.

Well, let's try Twitter.

Who the hell said we should try Twitter? That's a terrible idea.

I'll give Texas fans credit; the Longhorns aren't winning many games, but they generally seem aware that this is a rebuilding process that can't be finished in a few weeks. Most of them just want to see Texas play hard and get better over the course of the season, and a close loss to Oklahoma is actually a sign of improvement, not weakness.

On the other hand, TO HELL WITH THOSE PEOPLE THIS IS TEXAS TAKE YOUR LOW STANDARDS TO SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN SHAGGYBEVO.

Live long enough and you become what you hate.
I am seeing multiple threads about how happy everybody is and that how bright our future, blah, blah, blah like we're a bunch of Aggys and we're in love with moral victories.

Hello! WE ARE 2 AND $#@!ING 4! We're not 4-2, we're not ranked, we haven't beaten anybody, WE ARE 2 AND $#@!ING 4! We are 2-4 in a crap conference that has really good and well coached teams (that nobody cares to watch) and we are staring down the barrel of a 3-9/4-8 season in which we miss a bowl game for the 3rd time in 20+ years.

How far has the expectation of this board fallen that simply not getting blown out by OU (and that's forgetting that OU was up 31-13 in the 4th quarter yesterday) is a victory for both this team and this fan base?

I hate FUPM as much as anybody, but we did not lose this game yesterday because of Mack Brown. We lost the game because were are tremendously undisciplined, our special teams are horrific and we are the worst 3rd quarter team in college football. We are losing games because we are shooting ourselves in the head before the other team can.
...
At some point, it becomes about wins and losses, so what point will that be? 2015? 2016? 2025? When do we STFU about "competitiveness...fire...no quitting" and start judging this program the way would previously and that's by wins and losses?

This is a big week for Charlie. We are through the meat of the schedule, now it becomes getting his team up to play an Iowa State team that will be well coached and not afraid of what they see from this group. If we come out and dominate, that would be great. But if we struggle or lose, then it's time to start making excuses for Strong because in no world should Iowa State beat us in Austin, 2010 not withstanding.

That's your second Scott Tenorman of the Week this season, Texas. Keep it up and you'll be bowl elig-ha, no, I'm just kidding. The Schadenfreude Bowl isn't a real thing until 2018. (Thank you, Bakersfield, for welcoming us!)

Pac-12

If you think "Oregon uses impressive offense to beat UCLA" doesn't seem unusual or upsetting, you are probably not a commenter at Bruins Nation.

So pissy because of the game, my wife and kids are about to take me out.

Wait, like in the murder way?

MORA WAS A LOSER IN NFL
NO ONE WANTED HIM

And the NFL doesn't want Los Angeles. Seems like an ideal match to me.

This is such a joke
Hundley has no help out there. Our defense couldn't stop a high school team right now. Coaching? Better off letting a computer take care of it at this point. This just sucks.

"Computer, run BRUINSBALL."
"PROCESS COMPLETE."
"Computer, report on trophies won."
"ONE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP RING."
"Excellent! Computer, how was ring acquired?"
"EBAY PURCHASE FROM FORMER USC PLAYER."

i missed a 5 year old's birthday party for this
shit...i should have gone to the birthday party

Really? Birthday parties for kids that young usually turn into a bunch of screaming and fighti-

I stand corrected.

Cal couldn't do much on offense against Washington in a 31-7 loss, but the good people of California Golden Blogs aren't going to let that stop them from recognizing individual achievements.

The game ball goes to the turf
Since it kept ending up there

Oh, remember when I said going to Twitter was a bad idea? If you're Arizona's kicker, it's a TREMENDOUSLY bad idea.

SEC

If you don't root for Auburn, you might have forgotten that last year's charmed season included a loss to LSU. If you do root for Auburn, like the commenters at College And Magnolia, you likely remember that and know that one loss (especially to a highly ranked team like Mississippi State) won't knock you out of championship contention.

Of course, that won't stop you from freaking the fuck out.

Well, MSU, here are the keys to the SEC West

We look forward to watching you drive it off into the sunset peel out and wrap it around a Crimson fucking telephone pole.

Could anybody tell me what the fuck has happened to our execution?
Is it in a Opium Den somewhere?

HOSE ME WITH A 8" PIPE
I have never seen such a star crossed fucking good team fuck it up so BAD.
FUCK THIS

Reactionary as that all may be, it's got nothing on this fine Auburn fan at SEC Rant.

Time to prep for 2015
nick Marshall's heisman campaign (lol) is over

Our championship hopes are finished

Time to play JJ the rest of the season

"Dad, I finished second in the county spelling bee."
"Welp, we might as well pull you from school now. You're destined for a life of menial unskilled labor in dangerous conditions. Off to the secret child coal mines with you. Time for us to invest all our hope in your little brother."

Rock M Nation's kind of a stunned place after Missouri got shut out at home by Georgia.

Jesus

wept.

then vomited.

I'm not a biblical scholar, but I do remember that Peter denied Christ three times ... and the Georgia defense denied Mizzou all of the times ... so yeah, this tracks, actually.

our offense today has been positively kansan.
Yes I said it. You want to argue?

There's no need to blaspheme, sir.

Arkansas did its best to hand Alabama a second straight loss. It wasn't enough, and it left one person at Arkansas Fight writing a terrible country song inadvertently.

When will it end?
I'm so tired of sitting up all Saturday night looking into an empty beer bottle wondering "How did that happen?"

I cannot confirm or deny if that commenter is Kenny Chesney. I know he does love Arkansas, because they are a sports team that sells baseball hats.

As a Gator fan myself, I found it hard to be too disappointed by Florida's heartbreaking home loss to LSU, mostly because I just avoided watching it as best I could. These poor souls at Alligator Army learned that lesson too late, unfortunately.

For the first time in my life, I don't want to watch a Gators game next weekend (and won't)
That is how bad tonight's performance was. They have deterred me from flying back for homecoming next weekend.

Consider this me throwing in the towel. I have officially turned on Driskel, Muschamp, and the rest of the grade A fuck ups who currently inhabit our program.

As I sat there tonight watching Driskel's last interception, I realized something: watching football games should be a form of leisure. It should be fun to cheer for your school, not something that gives you anxiety week in and week out.

Why should I keep caring so much, when I am disappointed in some fashion week in and week out? It isn't healthy for me to keep going on like this.

I will see you all for basketball season. Fire Muschamp.

HALLELUJAH: HOLY SHIT.

On the bright side
CWM has again made me realize that my fandom is a misplaced obsession, and I should spend my time more wisely.

I have a wife, kids, etc.

Hey I have a kid at USF. Time to realign my priorities.

Go Bulls!

If they left when they said they did, at least they missed Jeff Driskel's game-changing interception in the fourth quarter. Not everyone was so lucky.

TWIS Week 7 1

The Muschamp Years have reduced Florida fans from demanding a team that competes for titles conference and national to begging for ... something less than that.

One day
We'll have an offense that can score 2 yards from the end zone.
A head coach that will actively try to score points.
Receivers that don't drop easily catchable balls whenever their challenged QB makes a good throw.
A QB that consistently looks competent.
A team with an offensive player, not a kicker or special teams player, as its primary scoring threat.

But today is not that day.

Tears of Unfathomable Sadness all around, fellow Gators. Don't even wipe them away. They help blur out the football.

And, lastly, we turn to Good Bull Hunting for a brief but poignant summation of a home loss for the Aggies that really wasn't all that close.

Here are my thoughts
Fuckity fuckity fuck fuck

Ah yes, the famous speech Rip Torn gave at the '90 Texas gubernatorial inauguration. A classic.

NEXT WEEK: Texas A&M goes to Alabama and I'm sure Nick Saban forgot all about that thing from 2012 because he's a reasonable man! Georgia will manage to beat Arkansas by .08 of a point thanks to a corrupt Chinese gymnastics judge! TCU takes out its anger on Oklahoma State! And probably the family of a referee! Notre Dame-Florida State is bound to leave one fan base feeling like a public fraud! Rutgers! Rutgers? Rutgers!!