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This Week In Schadenfreude: Penn State's cold war

It's the weekly roundup of the angriest in college football internet.

Justin K. Aller


Virginia Tech has made a bowl game every year since 1993; they will likely do so again this year. You might assume that such a streak provides a certain emotional stability in times of strife. Times like losing to Miami by 24 points on a Thursday night at home. But our friends at The Key Play would challenge that assumption.

is it possible to fire an entire team?

It is, but it probably hurts recruiting.

This wedding is horseshit

This commenter is either a) very drunk or b) mistakenly thinks he's logged into a wedding message board. Are there wedding message boards full of commenters screeching and wailing just as much as college football fans? Almost definitely, and I refuse to seek them out.

This has nothing to do with play calling or D. This has to do with every player who wears the brand having the heart to go 110% if up 27 or down 27. This game speaks to the character of each individual!!! I dont see fire in their eyes, I see defeat!!! Once you're defeated in your mind your body will soon follow suit!!! Each and every person affiliated with VT must do a personal inventory. A gut check.... and determine what we are as a family, a team and as a person!!! Are we VT or not....... Alot of skirts on the field tonight and not enough dogs!!!! In one word..... bitchassness!!!!

Each and EVERY person affiliated with VT. That means you, Resident Assistants. Are you doing everything you can to make move-in week as successful as it can be or are you letting BITCHASSNESS creep into the common area?!?!?!

Virginia fans are successful and accomplished and would never turn to social media to ha I'm just kidding.

Admittedly, I really like that last suggestion, if only for the visual image of a bunch of Vineyard Vines'd out bros screaming "But take off the gun so you can see what's up / And we'll go at it punk, and I'mma fuck you up!"

The Pitt loss can be described in two screenshots. This one, from ESPN ...

TWIS Week 9 2

... and this one, from Cardiac Hill.

TWIS Week 9 1

Big Ten

Minnesota lost its second game of the year, which is not so bad until you realize it was against Illinois. It's physically affecting the good people at The Daily Gopher in some interesting ways.

My face hurts.
I mean, like really bad.

Though the psychological ramifications are far more worrisome.

Worst thing about this, its our third game in a row when we were worse than the week before.
I actually enjoyed our 3-9 season 2011, because we got better every game. We aren't doing that anymore, and that's a concern going forward.

Remember, if you find yourself longing for a 3-9 season for more than four hours, seek medical attention immediately.

The Maryland Terrapins won their first game of the season, 52-7, against JMU. Roughly two months later, they lost by that same score to Wisconsin. Quick, put this helmet on. We're going to Testudo Times, and the rage is flying.

Is a BUM. It wouldn't matter if we had all 5 star recruits we couldn't win. When you can't coach you can't coach.. CJ could be our QB for the next 100 years and he wouldn't get any better...

"Forced to quarterback Maryland for a century" is one hell of a Greek tragedy.

I finally moved to the "Hate Edsall" column today.
I defended him time and time again, used all the excuses, patiently said he needs more time to be evaluated, injuries this, player inexperience that, etc etc.

Eff that, he needs to be fired at the end of the season. Zero confidence now that his ceiling is anything higher than mediocre. Results fucking matter, no more bullshit. To all those I've battled in the Edsall Wars over the years, I offer my sincere apology. You were right and I was so, so wrong.

They haven't instituted a draft for the Edsall Wars yet, but if they do, I'm going straight to Canada.

Maryland football is basic.
I just can't even.

Yes, as in
10 print "We suck"
20 goto 10

we were thoroughly destroyed... end of story

and i dont care, i dont want a bowl game with 6 lousy wins (the targetshit bowl, or the i humped your mother bowl)...its all bullshit, have some self respect/dignity... we deserve nothing... after this and osu...

The TargetShit Bowl swag is amazing, though! It's two Icees, a set of flatware, and a box full of hangers.

There are many public services provided by MGoBlog, but one of my personal favorites is the Michigan statistical work, like this analysis from commenter LSAClassof2000:

There's more like that in this post, which you should study closely. For science. Though there was one common thread in the comments to this week's game which those charts don't pick up: thank God we don't play Purdue.

So glad we don't play Purdue this year. I'd rather us appear to be the worst team in the B1G than lose to Purdue and remove all doubt.

LOL....perfect. We are Purdue.

Purdue? Purdue put up 31 against these guys.

We wish we were Purdue. seriously.

Never thought I'd say it, but right now, we are the worst program in the entire conference.

We blow chunks
And that's being nice. We ARE Purdue. I'm fed up.

Possibly worse
Than Purdue. I would think in A2 we would beat the 'makers, but on the road we lose by 21

Listen to your people, Dave Brandon. Schedule a game with Purdue posthaste.

Penn State didn't win, but they gave Ohio State a scare in the second half, and the commenters at Black Shoe Diaries are right to be proud of that effort. Proud and McCarthyist.

Fuck fuck fuck this. We won 17-7. Fuck OSU, fuck Urban, fuck the refs, and fuck the B1G for trying to keep their bellcow in the playoff hunt. Our team got the win in my eyes, and in any honest American's eyes.

"I think the officiating was poor but recognize that Ohio State won."

Big 12

The commenting section of any Texas site has settled into a specific routine that repeats every week; the actual game is irrelevant to that routine. (Today's example comes from Burnt Orange Nation, but every other Texas site is the same in this regard.) There are two roles in this play. The first is Texas Fan Who Thinks Charlie Strong Needs More Time. The second role is this person.

Our fan base has completely accepted mediocrity and failure. We are on a one way train to becoming Michigan with that type of acceptance...this coaching staff needs to be held accountable, especially the offensive coaches. Texas should NEVER be this inept offensively. EVER.

NEWSFLASH: 3-5 is never acceptable at Texas. EVER.

The Longhorns could get shut out by the Justice League and a Texas fan would still proclaim it unacceptable. MACK BROWN NEVER LOST TO WONDER WOMAN GODDAMMIT.

Texas Tech fans at Viva The Matadors have roughly the same theatrical routine, except they've added a third part: Uniform Complainer.

I'm an old fart. Maybe. But, Fuck the hipster uniforms, fuck the Hollywood image. Play some fucking football. I want all black or all fucking white uniforms. Period. And fucking TACKLE someone. It ain't too much to ask??? it?

Black and white is a little too extreme, but limiting the uniforms to cyan-magenta-yellow combinations seems fine.

It's easy to believe that the line between commenters and those who manage or write for a team site is a clear one, at least in terms of fury. But Cowboys Ride For Free's editor is playing with those roles in some really interesting ways.

Some plays, some yards, something happened, I turned the game off.

Seriously, if Yurcich isn't fired I hope Gundy is. I don't want to go after a player, but Jesus H Tapdancing Christ, Daxx Garmon sucks donkey dick. He really really does. He hasn't hit a long ball in about 7 quarters. Speaking of quarters, we have exactly 1 touchdown in the past 10. And Gundy has packed it in this year, he just doesn't care about winning another game this year, he's "looking to next year." That's a loser mentality that rarely works out. You know what, it's my fault for caring about this season, I'm just not on board with playing for next year. There won't be any $100 handshakes from boosters this year, and we won't be making a bowl this year. From 9 wins to 5, kill me now.

Let me throw some expert analysis in: The offense is an abomination, the defense quick early in the 4th, and everybody sucks.

Everybody go out and get belligerently drunk and start fights and fires and stuff.

That'll get you Scott Tenorman of the Week, King. It may have been an imitation of a furious commenter, but it was a damn good one.


USC lost a game in the waning moments -- please, try to act surprised -- so that means we get to relive the moment when Utah took the final lead through the commenting eyes at FightOn247.

Fire sark

Fuck you Sark!!

Fuck you Wilcox

This team and this coaching staff are an absolute joke.

what a disappointing season. we had everything lined up for us on a relatively easy schedule and we fucking gave it away. Time to play all the freshman that arent seeing regular playing time and start giving them experience.

That'd be amazing. "I know it's only November, but we're officially only giving playing time to freshmen. It'll pay off in two years wait why are you shouting and throwing rocks?"

The interesting ideas don't stop there, though. One fan at UW Dawg Pound has a creative solution to help Washington play better in poor weather!

DAWGS should get out and practice in it all week- on grass and dirt - so it churns into mud.. If there's not enough rain and wind to practice in, get on a bus or plane and find some.. Durkee should go to the end of the runway and practice kicking in the jet blast.. No more excuses.

"Kicker Dies Following Internet Advice" is going to be one hell of a headline.


After falling behind early, Tennessee fought back well enough against Alabama to give Vol fans at Rocky Top Talk positives to focus on going forward. The falling behind early part was still pretty fun, though.

TWIS Week 9 3

We end this edition with our good friend Doctor Bo, who took it upon himself to save Ole Miss fans from a heartbreaking overtime loss by amputating the game prematurely. You can take your Oxford spleen in two forms. There's value-sized:


And there's family style:

Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck you Hugh Freeze. What the fuck was that? Why the fuck did you make me care again just to pull that shit? I was fine with coach O. I could get shitty in the grove, look at all the hot ass, then take my whole family to the game for $42 dollars. And I gave no fucks. Of all teams we had to pull that shit against the fucking Corndog Krewe? Wtf? Did you see that fucking field? With the numbers every five yards? And the tiger eye that the guy who does tshirts at the fair airbrushed for them? At least now we know they didn't care about this non rivalry game. It's not like they rushed the field or anything. Eat a bag of dicks Hugh. I need more beer

Just make sure you wash it all down with some cold room temperature milk.

NEXT WEEK: Wait, who told Florida to keep playing? Isn't this the sort of thing we have a government to prevent?