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This Week In Schadenfreude: We went to Miami Facebook

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Why did we go to Miami Facebook???

It's an extra large edition of This Week In Schadenfreude, so I hope you ate a light lunch. Maybe a salad or something, but not one loaded with cheese and creamy dressing. You're only fooling yourself with those toppings, and that's reserved for Notre Dame fans.

ACC

To an outsider, this hasn't been a remarkable season for Clemson in either direction. The Tigers have three losses, but all to good teams. While they have struggled against some of their lesser opponents, there has been no Clemsoning from Clemson. But to a fan at Shakin' The Southland, the loss to Georgia Tech is part of a slow disintegration that possibly ends with death in the desert.

i do not want to lose at home to sakerlina for the 6th year in a row to give them win #6 for bowl eligibility

we lost the the National Championship on August 30 ( to #12 Georgia in Athens)

we lost the ACC Championship on September 20 (to #1 FSU in Tallahassee)

we lost the Orange Bowl today (to #24 Tech, Atlanta)

will we lose the State Championship in 2 weeks (at home?)

then will we lose the Sun Bowl next month?

If you think I'm not rooting for Dabo to go to Juarez, you're insane. And elsewhere in ACC anguish, one Duke fan commenting at the Island of Misfit Toys known as Every Day Should Be Saturday needed to work some things out after the Blue Devils lost to Virginia Tech.

everything went wrong

everything

We had it and lost it. We ruined it. VT just... they do this to us all the time and here I was thinking we had it in the bag and we fuck everything.

We are a team that doesn't commit penalties during the year - TEN FUCKING PENALTIES!

Boone is our best player - under 40% completions.

We own the turnover battle all season - THREE turnovers and we force five fumbles to recover ZERO.

We have one of the best kickers in college - he misses. TWICE.

Everything we're good at, we failed at today. We...

I GET IT, OKAY? SHUT UP I GET IT. WE'RE DUKE AND WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DO WELL AT FOOTBALL. WE HAVE TO FIND NEW WAYS TO EMBARRASS OURSELVES. I GET IT. WE'RE A JOKE AND WE WILL BE A JOKE AND NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS WE'LL JUST FIND BIGGER STAGES TO BE A JOKE! I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!

ARE YOU HAPPY, EVERYONE? THE RICH BASTARDS CAN'T FOOTBALL. YOU WIN. YOU WIN!!!

/ cries

No, no, the rich bastards we mock are Michigan fans. We mostly just forget Duke football is a thing altogether!

Of course, the real anguish to be found in America's Most Timeshare At The Beach That Smells Like Wet Dog Conference is Miami based. I imagine Hurricane fans felt a little bit like a novice gladiator in the Colosseum. It doesn't matter that you've seen others (Notre Dame, Clemson, Louisville) go before you and have their hearts torn out with a trident. It still really hurts. And that hurt was spread across the Miami Internet universe.

It hurts at Canes Insight:

IF YOU SUPPORT THIS STAFF YOURE AN ENEMY OF THE PROGRAM
Period.

**** you and your parent at a pop warner game attitude. I hope you choke on orange slices and juice boxes you mediocrity accepting ****ing losers

**** you for enabling this dopey born loser and Penn St wannabe. May your sons be spared of the inherent gayness and ******ry that pollutes their fathers.

(Note 1: How do you choke on a juice box? I don't think you know how a juice box works, sir or ma'am.)
(Note 2: I know, super surprising that a Canes fan took it to a homophobic place.)

It hurts at State of the U:

ACC CORRUPTION
Not only is FSU corrupt, but the ACC* is just as corrupt! SEE the zebra's PROTECTING the Seminoles last night. Especially in the crucial fourth quarter and on the FUMBLE caused by DP on that TE O' Leary!! Oh. Watched the replay vis-à-vis ESPN3 and that was a FUMBLE!!!!!

By the way, even Herbie said a late holding call on FSU was a MAKE-UP call on a Seminole wide out, whom held on a play or two earlier.

Nonetheless, I can see why the POWERS THAT BE whom oversee ACC football ' covered ' the backside of the Seminoles. The ACC WANTS FSU in the four-team college football playoff and a lost last night would have ABSOLUTELY TKO'd that SMUG Good Ol' Boy's squad!! Bloody well no ifs, buts or maybe's.

The ACC has PROTECTED that Duke men's basketball team for two decades plus.

And it hurts on the official Facebook page of Miami football:

TWIS Week 12 1

TWIS Week 12 2

TWIS Week 12 3

Ok, I admit I'm cheating a little bit here dragging Facebook into it. Everything on Facebook is ill-informed and stupid.

Big Ten

Corn Nation had a poll to see what Nebraska fans thought about the team after Melvin Gordon ran for a damn skyscraper's worth of yardage.

TWIS Week 12 4

Who are the 16 people who voted for "pretty mediocre performance?" Your world view must be so terribly bleak to see this kind of disemboweling, shrug, and say "eh, they played so-so." Of course, they are the distinct minority among the Husker faithful. There were others with more spleenful views.

TWIS Week 12 5

Come on, don't be absurd. It took the Duggars decades to have all those children. Melvin Gordon only needed three quarters.

F as in...
Fucked up!..
Failures from coaching!..
Fucking coaching sucks!...
Feeling cheated and Lied to!...
Fans have had it!..
And,,,Fuck the Coaching Staff!!!

(puts on creative writing workshop cardigan)

It feels like you're not making a strong choice here. You could have gone with a variation of "fuck" for every entry, or you could have used all different words starting with the letter F. But you're in the middle, and I think it lessens the emotional impact of the piece.

After the game, Bo Pelini made an observation that this commenter quoted.

I'VE FOUND THE SILVER LINING
"I've seen our scout team make runs like that, so was it a total surprise? No."
Translation: We've got the next Melvin Gordon on our scout team!
Who said Bo couldn't recruit?

#UnstoppaBo

That's just good coaching. If the scout back runs for 527 yards on you in practice, holding Gordon to 408 seems like a success. And that's how you build a confident team.

Big 12

A quiet week in this conference for the most part, especially since Oklahoma State fans are too busy reading the larger meanings in Mike Gundy's wardrobe selection. But let's at least acknowledge that, for a moment there, things did not look good for TCU and Frogs O' War commenters freaked out.

And now we're losing. At halftime. TO F'ING KANSAS.

Goodbye playoffs

fuck this team

That's the ballgame ladies & gents...
It just ain't our day

Are we trying to ruin our season?
I feel like we're trying. Does it feel like we're trying?

The team will move on, Frogs fans, but your bile will serve as a testament to this day forevermore. That's how art works.

Pac-12

With about 90 seconds to play, Washington had a) the ball, b) the lead, and c) first down at its own 44-yard line. Arizona only had one timeout left. The Huskies kept running, however, lost a fumble and then lost the game when Arizona kicked a 47-yard field goal, which it actually originally missed except Chris Petersen called a timeout to freeze the kicker, giving him a second chance at it.

So yeah, that's a pretty good quick recipe for Internet Sports Rage at UW Dawg Pound.

Leave Chris Peterson in Arizona

Looks like Peterson is another one of those recruting coaches like Sark
Great at getting players to come to their program
Terrible at coaching them once they are there.

Coach Pete is not a PAC 12 level coach

Arizona in no way Deserved that win
The Zebbra's bailed out Arizona at every key 3rd down stop, with bogus PI Penalties late in the game!!!
Why isn't Shaq running the ball on the last drive to Ice the Game?
2 Penalties all game for Arizona?
I hate calling timeouts before the Field goal to Ice the KIcker?

For a guy with such a reputation as a "disciplinarian"
C.P.‘s Huskies sure look a lot like "Sark"'s Huskies, and Tyrone Willingham's Huskies, and...when it comes to making game-killing mistakes. Seems to me that the only way he's really a "disciplinarian" is in kicking guys off the team (well, except for that knucklehead Cyler Miles) when he feels compelled to do so.

Let's go to Ty Willingham's Google Image Search page for comment:

TWIS Week 12 7

Like a sphinx, that one.

Arizona State's dream run to the playoff is likely over after a late-night loss to Oregon State, and one House of Sparky commenter demands to speak to the Bursar right now!

I pay a ridiculous amount to go to this school and a good deal of that money goes to athletics. So I am sorry, but in order to justify that, they need to actually go out there and play good football.

The Student Athletics Fee at Arizona State for Fall 2014 is $75. The total revenue taken in by Arizona State's Athletic Department (according to this website) is $55,294,113. Let's say 10 percent of that goes to the football team; it's probably much higher, but we're trying to be fair. That means one student's fiscal obligation to ASU football amounts to .001 percent of the revenue Sun Devils football gets. So really, once the winning percentage goes above .001, you're getting more than you paid for, angry college student. Todd Graham expects your written apology and a duffel bag full of unmarked bills by Friday morning. Please label it "From the Scott Tenorman of the Week."

SEC

Florida lost in extremely Will Muschamp fashion against South Carolina; leading by seven late, the Gators got a field goal and a punt blocked, turning what should have been an ugly-but-solid regulation win into overtime. Morale among Alligator Army readers was ... yeah ...

TWIS Week 12 8

But, there's not much more to share from Gainesville in terms of spleen, thanks to the announcement that Muschamp will not return in 2015. It brings to an end an incredible era of anger and frustration for Florida fans, the likes of which we may never s-

OH GODDAMMIT YOU IDIOTS.

Auburn lost badly on the road to Georgia, and one Track 'Em Tigers observer would like to register his objections.

Gus has some major explaining to do.

This team is undisciplined and terribly lacking in fundamentals.

The defense couldn't stop a a beaver from building a dam.

The offense is inept, with turnovers in big games at the worst times, and the playcalling is getting REALLY predictable and at times, atrocious. Of course, the playcalling was predictable last year but it didn't matter. Nobody could stop it anyway. This year not so much. The OL is terrible, between totally forgetting how to run block and lots and lots of holding. The receivers drop so many wide open balls. God......the list goes on and on.

I hate this team. They have no heart. They have quit. Playing hard and getting beat is one thing that I can live with. Quitting........you aren't worthy to wear an Auburn uniform. Go home.

This is a friendly reminder that Auburn could still win 10 games this season!

LSU didn't just give Bret Bielema his first SEC win at Arkansas, it did so in impressively lackluster fashion, barely gaining 120 yards of offense and scoring zero points. So now we get to to return to TigerDroppings and see if there's anything left that hasn't been burnt to the ground.

LSU is about to become the next Tennessee.
We are delicately walking on an ice flow trying to avoid a crevasse caving in.

Big stadium, big budget, big expectations. Older coach who can call his shot for awhile based on past successes, game passing him by, no quarterback(s), fans getting restless or outright losing interest.

We are headed for a drought if it is not arrested immediately. It will last several years.

Too bad Florida's hiring Kiffin instead. Really kills the analogy.

For all of those who think L M is a great coach
You accept anything mediocre in your life, anything less than greatness is OK for you. His lack of adjusting to failure is non exist ant. His lack of common sense in offensive adjustments are short of stupidity.
His lack of playing certain players is stupidity. His jibber jabbing is not funny any longer. His lack of common sense in the N C game with J J is one of the most stupid coaching decisions I have witnessed in my life. The money I have spent the last 40 years for LSU football is very frustrating to see such lack of knowledge.
Well you can kiss his arse as long as you wish, I am finished, because I have never accepted anything but greatness.

"I have never accepted anything but greatness, and that's why I rant on the Internet."

Who says we cant get someone better than Miles? Coaches with better winning percentage than Miles had before coming to LSU:

Mark Helfrich
Chris Petersen
Jimbo Fisher
Urban Meyer
Chuck Martin
Rod Carey
Bob Stoops
Guz Malzahn
David Shaw
Nick Saban
Gary Patterson
Brian Kelly
Craig Bohl
Mark Richt
Mark Hudspeth
Bobby Petrino
Jim Mora
Steve Spurrier
Hugh Freeze
Chris Creighton
Bo Pelini
Bobby Wilder
Dino Babers
Bronco Mendenhall
Kevin Sumlin
Willie Fritz
Paul Johnson
Dabo Swinney
Larry Coker
Bryan Harsin
Matt Wells
Tim DeRuyter
Charlie Strong
Bill Snyder
Bret Bielema
Kyle Whittingham
Frank Beamer
Mike Gundy
Pete Lembo
Mark Whipple
Todd Graham
Mark Dantonio
Jeff Monken
Gary Pinkel
Bill Clark
Dave Doeren
Matt Campbell
Frank Solich
Terry Bowden
Tommy Tuberville
Dennis Franchione
Larry Blakeney
James Franklin
Jerry Kill
Larry Fedora
Dan Mullen
Doc Holliday
Ken Niumatalolo
Butch Jones
Ron Caragher
Blake Anderson
Kyle Flood
Rich Rodriguez
Bobby Hauck
Mike Leach
Ruffin McNeill
George O'Leary
Art Briles
Jim McElwain

I apologize for the length of this one, but you really need the full list for effect. There are plenty of great coaches on this list, to be sure. There is also Terry Bowden. And Kyle Flood. And Mark Whipple. Who coaches at UMass.

UMass.

NOTRE DAME

As we have done at times in the past, we quarantine Notre Dame's Schadenfreude because it is horrific and might burn you if you were to touch it with your hands special and different from that found at other, lesser schools. All of the following come from ND Nation, which will remain unlinked in the hopes that they can never find us and try to talk to us about anything.

If I died and saw Christ licking the Devil's anus I couldn't be angrier than I am now.

Northwestern is a goddamn fraud. The school was founded by, wait for it, Methodists. They blow and their team blows lucifers rusty trombone. This loss is acceptable only in a world where hitler gives you a flu vaccine that's aids.

Fuck them forever.

You have a weird oral fixation on Satan, friend.

When ND goes 7-5, it should decline a bowl invitation.

Oh, and the jock rock makes this program look small. Wins allow me to look partially past the lowbrow crap, but performances like these combined with the erosion of the program's pride and dignity place Notre Dame squarely in the category of Pitt and Cincinnati and Iowa State--small-timey and of minimal national significance.

Oh, but at least the players have more time to prepare, since they no longer go to Mass on Saturdays.

MORE CHURCH. LESS DANCING. RETURN THE VOLSTEAD ACT TO HER FORMER GLORY.

and now that the wonder academic school has left 43-40

in comes 22 thugs from Louisville...be prepped to get beaten up

I have no confidence in Kellly's ability to win any game
regardless of who the opponent is. With the exception of 2012, he has lost at least one game per season at Notre Dame to an inferior, dogshit team. He is definitely not a tier 1 coach.

I am hopeful Kelly will be gone regardless after next season

If he takes advantage of the returning talent and wins big, he will head to the NFL. If he takes a dump, as he has shown a tendency to do, he should be let go. I would not personally bring him back for next year if ND loses out. ND could hire someone at half his salary to go 8-4 if that is the new goal for the program.

You know why other schools don't root for their coach to win a national title and leave? Because they're not as smart as Notre Dame fans.

I am increasingly thinking that 9-10 wins a season...

...is the ceiling at ND regardless of who's coaching.

The Alabama game was on as the same time as ND/NW. That made the loss that much worse, seeing what I want ND to be alongside seeing what they are. Howeve, upon reflection, it raised some interesting questions: Could ND have a program at 'Bama level without the bagmen, oversigning, and with no academic standards to speak of? Would a Saban-level coach sign on for running a program without those things in place like they are at 'Bama? Would even a Saban-level coach have 'Bama-level success without them? I think No, No, and No are the likely answers.

Yes, I know Ara, Dan, and Lou had reached that level without those, um, advantages, but that success came in eras when one could count on the NCAA to occasionally enforce its own standards. Corrupt and exploitative programs usually followed a run of success with NCAA sanctions (OK, USC, 'Bama, tOSU, etc.); now corrupt and exploitative programs can enjoy the spoils without anyone really giving a shit. That was also when the PTB at ND were interested in having a first-rate football team and not just a first-rate moneymaker for a football team.

I'm having a serious crisis of hope regarding the future of ND football. Given the PTB at ND and the state of NCAA football, I don't see elite status as a realistic possibility.

The University of Notre Dame: National Champions At Tears Of Unfathomable Sadness.

NEXT WEEK: Does Bill Snyder's Visigoth magic work in West Virginia? Who will win the Battle for Los Angeles? Would you believe that Florida can totally lose to another FCS team? Purdue?