The 2014 college football head coach draft, by SB Nation and FootballScoop

The rules

In association with our buds at football coaching news destination FootballScoop, it's time to stack up the nation's best college football head coaches. FootballScoop explains the rules:

Each team will have one head coach, nine assistants, a strength coach, a director of recruiting and two GA's. Here's the catch: we'll only be drafting from a pool of head coaches. The 10 on-the-field coaches plus recruiting and strength spots will be chosen from the current roster of FBS head coaches, while the GA's will be plucked from the lower divisions. If you've ever dreamed of a staff where Mark Dantonio, defensive coordinator, had to contend with Dana Holgorsen, offensive coordinator; or better yet, where RichRod was calling plays against Bret Bielema's defense, tomorrow is your lucky day.

Our athletic directors for the event: FootballScoop's Scott Roussel, Doug Samuels, and Zach Barnett; and SB Nation's Bill Connelly, Brian Floyd, Bud Elliott, Luke Zimmermann, Matt Brown, and Steven Godfrey (and me). We also have Spencer Hall on deck to provide post-draft analysis of the 10 coaching staffs.

The draft

We DID IT LIVE Wednesday morning. Here are the results:

The staffs

Brief explanations of each of our strategies:

Bill Connelly

"The goal here was pretty simple: Land either Gus Malzahn or Art Briles, then pair him with the best conceivable defensive staff. Craig Bohl, Bob Stoops, and Kyle Whittingham are the bones of a wonderful set of defensive minds, and I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that Bill Snyder would pretty quickly figure out how to be the best linebackers coach in the world.

From there, the goal was to supplement Malzahn with a solid offensive staff of kindred spirits (Kevin Wilson and Jeff Monken, in completely different ways), good recruiters (Doc Holliday), and smart guys (Mike MacIntyre, Dan Mullen, Rod Carey)."

Brian Floyd

"In putting together a staff, I decided to throw out the idea of 'best coach available' as well as defense. This may sound like a risky proposition, but this squad is here to score points and innovate. It doesn't have time for a lot of defense.

The idea here is to put some familiar faces -- Air Raid coaches, because the band is back together -- with some new blood and some guys that are just plain angry. Lock them all in a meeting room and perhaps they'll create a genius new philosophy.

Or they'll kill each other. That's what Paul Petrino is there for."

Bud Elliott

"I started with Jimbo Fisher over Nick Saban because of age. Fisher is 14 years younger, and he's proven in running a top-level program.

I love what Paul Rhoads has done at Iowa State, a place where it is impossible to get top talent. They win games with his defense in Ames. I followed up with Steve Addazio, because offensive line coaching is at a premium among head coaches, and Addazio can recruit, too. Swinney and London have had mixed success as head coaches, but they are both awesome recruiters and good position coaches. Riley and Berry bring veteran experience to defense and special teams, respectively, and both have proven capable of doing more with less. Berry can also help out in offensive meetings. McElwain will be the quarterbacks coach in name, and be the veteran assistant coordinator to help out Fisher. Rhule is a young recruiter and solid tight ends coach. Satterfield is an excellent recruiter at running back, as is Ron Roberts at defensive ends. Haynes rounds out the staff in the secondary.

I think the ability to get players was overlooked some in this, and while there may be some staffs with better overall coaches, I think the margin in recruiting ability between mine and the next best is pretty wide."

Doug Samuels

"While there were many quality staffs assembled, I feel like I have assembled the obvious 'Dream Team' of coaches, especially on the offensive side of the ball. Kingsbury is a two-time selection as the FootballScoop OC of the Year, and Freeze and Polian will absolutely kill it in recruiting.

Defensively, with Derek Mason in charge (with some help from 'grad assistant' Chris Klieman, Chuck Martin, and David Bailiff) no one is going to score.

All of the special teams duties will belong to Bill Blankenship, and an energetic Curtis Johnson will serve as strength coach and NFL Liason. Freeze and Polian will lead the charge in recruiting, so it's a given that we'll have the best recruiting videos in the country.

Kingsbury will also hold the dubious honor of being college football's first ever 'head of coaching gear,' with creative control of the uniforms, because when you look good, you coach good. It's basic science."

Jason Kirk

"With the last pick in the first round, I had eight names on my head coaching board, with three I hoped would fall. Gus Malzahn and Chris Petersen didn't make it, so I settled for the second-greatest coach in SEC history. That'll work. I planned to have Steve Spurrier handle all the offensive duties himself, with Mark Richt handling quarterbacks, but grabbing June Jones in the 100s (a steal) means we could redistribute offensive duties. With former NFL offensive line coach Kirk Ferentz aboard, our offense is well-suited for an up-tempo, pass-heavy pro-style.

After Spurrier, the plan was defense. Mark Dantonio plus some 3-4 guys means somebody's got to budge a little, but whether we decide to make the country's second-best defensive-minded head coach go #multiple or not, I have no worries on defense.

Tim Beckman will yell at you until you cannot exercise any harder, Terry Bowden once recruited his way to 47 SEC wins (and has spent the years since gathering SEC castoffs at smaller schools), and Rob Ambrose of Towson is the guy we'll offer up for head coaching jobs in order to expand our tree.

Also, I have a LOT of old guys."

Luke Zimmermann

"David Shaw was third on our board, but with Bud going with the hot (see: homer) pick, Urbz fell into our lap. Reuniting him with former national title co-collaborator Charlie Strong only felt natural. Mark Helfrich adds another dimension to Meyer's downfield vertical approach and will keep the offense humming at breakneck speed.

Paul Chryst was the most coveted o-line coach in America but a few short seasons before his first head coaching opportunity finally came. P.J. Fleck -- though the on-the-field results this past year left much to be desired -- can flat-out recruit; can't knock the hustle.

Al Golden won at Temple and is defense-native, Willie Taggart has ins in North Florida like no other, Troy Calhoun's got NFL pedigree, while Dan McCarney's as experienced and savvy as they come. Jerry Kill's a great guy (and an outstanding coach to boot), while Darrell Hazell I felt was undervalued after the tough first year he had at Purdue -- the guy was a few plays from winning a MAC crown at Kent State; think about that. Kyle Flood can help with the o-line, but please, after that 2014 recruiting cycle, lets keep him away from Twitter, Facebook, and (soon) Snapchat. Vince Kehres is our homer pick (Mt. Union, wuddup?), while Dennis Franchione is a sentimental one. Clear eyes, full hearts, they filmed some of Friday Night Lights at Bobcat Stadium."

Matt Brown

"My original plan was to build around Meyer, but with Saban surprisingly out there at pick No. 2, I had to grab him.

Outside of Gundy, I wanted to stockpile defensive talent early, and with Patterson, Mendenhall, and Long having such strong records of building quality defenses with less-than-ideal recruits, watching them work with the caliber of talent that Saban and Hoke can bring in should be exciting. Gundy and Fedora should be able to team up to build a wide-open, exciting offensive attack, and Solich and Campbell bring a nice blend of experience and youth to the program.

Also, Joe Moglia is a genius and filthy rich, which should help should we decide to go OUTLAW with recruiting."

Scott Roussel

"Les will serve as chief leader and his own special teams coordinator. We don't plan to punt, but will have an Aussie regardless.

On offense, Briles, RichRod, Sonny Dykes and Stock will want to (and are capable of) scoring 100 any given Saturday. Niumatalolo will be the voice of reason and ensure we don't run it up too much (like maybe only 70 per game).

On defense, Fitz, DeRuyter, Charlie Partridge and Bill Clark can all not only coach, but could probably suit up as well. There will be no points allowed ... this season.

Butch Jones and Larry Blakeney will serve as both advisors to and translators for Les. Butch will be the only coach authorized to call timeouts (sorry Les, it's for your own good).

Hatch and Brian Jenkins (both insanely good recruiters) will ensure we get only the best players, and each man will liven up the staff room."

Steven Godfrey

"There's no point trying to create a balanced staff when you're selecting exclusively from head coaches -- the hubris and ego will outweigh any kind of authority structure. So instead I decided to pair one of college football's coolest and charming head coaches with a Dirty Dozen roster of volatile experts.

Basically if Kevin Sumlin starred in a college football coaching version of Space Jam or The Expendables, this is the team he'd assemble: Jim Mora and James Franklin are young, brash, hot-headed versions of each other (this is also the real-life L.A. recruiting rivalry Steve Sarkisian's hire at USC robbed us of) on either side of the ball. They've been doubted and put in dead-end jobs before, and dammit if they're playing by YOUR rules.

In order to win, this trio will have to convince a mercenary bunch of old-timer experts (Paul Johnson, Tommy Tuberville, George O'Leary) they've got one more caper left in 'em. I took Bob Davie because every action film needs comedic relief, and Skip Holtz because someone on the team has to die in the second act.

And Petrino? Well, sometimes to beat the bad guys, you need a bad guy. And Jackie Sherrill? That's the nuke, son, just in case this entire plan goes to hell and nobody makes it home."

Zach Barnett

"My offense values functionality over brand name. David Cutcliffe is the brains behind the operation, helped by former Steelers, Bills, and Lions offensive line coach Sean Kugler and Art Briles' former wide receivers coach, Dino Babers. Charlie Weis was too good a value to pass up at pick 104, while Justin Fuente handles the running backs and gets out of the way.

The defense is led by the tandem of Will Muschamp and Mark Stoops. That is their baby. Frank Beamer helps out on the defensive line and manages the special teams, and fast-riser Willie Fritz chips in on the defensive line as well.

I chose Trent Miles as my strength coach partly because he was the least-bad option available, but mostly because he's bald and bald guys make good strength coaches. Brian Kelly handles nothing but recruiting, furious that David Shaw was chosen as  a head coach over him. My GAs are a couple of talented Division III head coaches, St. Thomas' Glenn Caruso and Mary Hardin-Baylor's Pete Fredenburg.

Pulling all those egos together in one direction is the coolest guy in the business, David Shaw."