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27 things that will be different this offseason, now that the Big Ten has the championship

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The Big Ten is now in charge of everything. Everything. There are going to be some changes.

1. This cheese sculpture is president until August:

2. Easter egg hunts replaced with Culver's butter burger hunts

3. Super Bowl halftime show: Sufjan Stevens and Machine Gun Kelly featuring a Lutheran choir

4. Summer Olympics at Soldier Field and Lake Michigan, starting tomorrow morning

5. Valentine's sausages

6. Madden 16 cover: Antwaan Randle El

7. Alabama merged with Mississippi; 50th state now Cardale Jones

8. Entire Coachella lineup:

9. Even more corn subsidies

10. Coast-to-coast Appomattox Day parades, April 9


12. Delany mixtape

13. Hockey

14. 2015 Academy Award for Best Picture: A Christmas Story

15. The Florida Gators have to go play this team:

16. NASCAR banned, replaced with Atlantans driving on ice as Kirk Herbstreit telestrates

17. Everybody Has To Call It "Pop" Act of 2015 imposed

18. Key West now part of Ohio

19. High school wrestling, network prime time TV

20. On like June 13, we all talk shit about Notre Dame all day, more than usual

21. Sports Illustrated sweatsuit issue

22. New York Times: "West Lafayette the new Austin?"

23. More Delany mixtapes

24. All upcoming schedules scrubbed of games against Virginia Tech

25. Oh my god so much deer hunting

26. Cinco de Mayo now Cinco de mayo

27. By September, the whole country must be as red as Wisconsin and Illinois here: