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T.W.I.S., where Nebraska fans are so mad at Mike Riley, they're getting less drunk

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This Week In Schadenfreude, our weekly tour of the saddest people on the college football Internet, pays its first visit of the year to a legendary Notre Dame message board. And more!

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As the unchecked figurehead in charge of This Week In Schadenfreude, I have decreed this week's edition shall be Reprieve Week. Any and all teams that have recently been shamed for their Internet screamings get a pass this week -- no Tennessee, Texas, Maryland, South Carolina or Miami.

It's not that the fans of these schools did anything to deserve a break. I just feel it's important to emphasize that excessive bile can occur anywhere, at any time.

Oh, and this is strictly a one-week amnesty. Enjoy the Florida State game, Canes fans!

OLE MISS

Question: What is the half-life of the joy Ole Miss fans feel after beating Alabama for the second year in a row?

Answer: Based on the reaction post-Florida loss at Red Cup Rebellion, roughly two days, because Rebel fan optimism is almost depleted:

Dear Santa...
...please send OL that give two shits.

I mean, it's early October. This feels like a bad recruiting strategy if you want to win the SEC West now:

I am honestly
beginning to wonder if freeze isn't just smoke and mirrors?

I live in Nashville. Went home at half and am changing hats to go out tonight.
That's right, I'd rather be a Titans fan than a Rebel tonight. Sad day.

Why was "just don't wear a hat" not one of the options? Are you Kenny Chesney?

Oh man, that's totally Kenny Chesney:

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
I got a lot of opinions about the game but fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I don't want to digest what I just saw.
I want to throw it up.

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

Fantine doesn't turn it around in the second half of Les Miserables, either, so this fits.

It's one loss, though, and Ole Miss still controls its own destiny. Surely the folks at Rebel Faithful will see the positive outcomes left on the table:

Where do we go from here? Well after the last 2 games, I merely hope to get to six wins and a bowl game. NMSU and then one more. Memphis has a helluva offense and our defense is very suspect. I don't see more than 6 wins.

Please note: "expectations whiplash" is not covered by most health insurance policies:

I hope Freeze doesnt accept or cash his paycheck this week cause he sure didnt do a dang thing to earn it, he took the week off and in no way got this team ready to play

Honestly, I'd be more worried that your coach hasn't figured out how to enroll in direct deposit.

SB Nation presents: The Taylor Swift guide to Week 6 in college football

NOTRE DAME

The weather was terrible. Clemson's a pretty good opponent. Death Valley's a challenging place to play. Notre Dame's had terrible injury luck and faced unfortunate turnover luck in this game.

To a certain group of Fighting Irish supporters, these facts are unimportant. All that truly matters is that the Clemson game was A Brian Kelly Loss.

A Brian Kelly Loss requires three things:

  1. Notre Dame loses and
  2. Brian Kelly is the coach and
  3. Notre Dame does something wrong at some point, which may or may not be attributable to Brian Kelly:

You know where we're eventually going, but let's do a warm-up lap at Domer Domain:

Going for 2 with the score 21-9 was a complete and utter disgrace. Shades of Northwestern 2014 all over again. Can this guy not count.

There is literally no rational explanation why it would make sense to go for two at that point in time. Kick the extra point, if you score again and they have not scored, then you go for two. This is what it says on every chart ever created by any human who ever sucked air from this atmosphere.

Kelly must be a subterranean eel. Leave him on the tarmac.

Two weeks later: "Rutgers Hires Subterranean Eel":

Disorganized, lack of discipline, sloppy. Typical Kelly loss. These have happened too often to be surprised though. It's what failure looks like and we've become used to it. I expect more this year. It's what ND is under Kelly. It's always gonna be what ND is with Kelly. He's just not good enough to go to the next level and tonight was just another data point.

OK, hopefully you're feeling limber. It's time for the first trip this season to ... ND Nation:

The players deserve better. ND supposedly strives to excel in all endeavors. Clearly Kelly is past his ability, time to cut him loose.

Despite the players mistakes, the loss is on Kelly. Going for 2 so early in the fourth quarter is a mistake tfor which he should opplogive to each and every player individually.

How many times has Kelly had to defend a contentious call during his tenure? It's not like this is the first boneheaded play he has called during his tenure. I don't recall Holtz saying my "senior advisor" agreed with my call. It is apparent that his IQ is average and that he is not quick witted and that such calls are going to cost a game or two every year.

If we're not winning, then we're whining.
And I am as guilty of this as the next fan.
I feel like I'm locked in a 5 Stages of Grieving looped tape of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and Iook around this small room with no window and no doors and Sartre taps out a message from an adjoining cell that reads "No...Exit."

This is all pretty solid ND Nation material: invocation of a coach who hasn't worked in South Bend in 20 years, suggestions that Kelly is too stupid for the job, insistence that Notre Dame be the best at everything and accept nothing less, for that way lies BOSTON COLLEGENESS, and a needless moment of, "Hey look, I took a class on existentialist theater; ask me about Beckett!"

But we need something more. Something TRULY ND Nation:

I didn't like the way Clemson got to enter the field through the tunnel with the ramp while we were made to shuffle in quietly off to the side. I wish Kelly would have marched the team in right down the middle of that ramp and put the chip on our guy's shoulders and punched them in the mouth like he said we needed too. Sometimes you need some visuals to augment your prep and execution.

Oh, yeah. That's the stuff.

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UCLA

There's ... nothing here. I kind of expected more brutal anger from Bruins fans after a perfect season got derailed at home by an Arizona State team that, to that point, had only beaten Cal Poly and New Mexico. They were annoyed, sure, and they want Noel Mazzone to get fired. But it wasn't true spleen.

Have UCLA fans turned a corner and found an emotionally balanced way to process losses? Or are they working out their anger in more disturbing ways, away from message boards? I have no idea. Please vote in the poll at the end of this post.

NEBRASKA

Every other school that made the list this week hadn't appeared on This Week In Schadenfreude for a simple reason: They hadn't lost a game yet. Nebraska at 2-3 is a notable exception, and Husker fans at Corn Nation are not so happy about it!:

So who do we hire after Riley eventually gets the boot?
I wouldn't hate the idea of Charlie Strong. Texas is a mess and he won't get enough time to turn it around.

Mike Riley should be fired
You cant throw the ball when you could take a knee and just about end the game. That is inexcusable.

He owes every single Nebraska fan that travelled to Illinois their money back.

Inexcusable. Flat out. He deserves to be fired.

I'm gonna go kick some puppies now.

So I am supposed to be at the Upper Iowa vs. Minnesota State game right now
Fifty yard line. Minnesota State #1 in D-II. Told the wife yesterday that I was not going to go until the Nebraska game was over. Kickoff was at 6:00. The way it looked we would get there before the end of the 1st quarter. Fun place to watch small college football. Getting to see a number one team play. Maybe enjoy some excitement with a potential upset! All sounded good

So I sit here on my couch mad at the world. Tell my wife I am not going. She has the audacity to ask "why" and I calmly tell her, I will not be good company. She says "oh, come on" — here it comes — "it's just a game." Amazingly I was still calm and said, "If I go to that game I am going to hate it, John (our friend with the tickets) is going to hate me, and every mother-fucking Upper Iowa Peacock (yes, Peacocks. We have lots of fun with that one!) is going to hate me! And every asshole Iowa Hawkeye fuck that is back from that game is going to be an asshole." So I sit here drinking, typing and wondering why the hell do I care!

Minnesota State won, 38-10, so you chose the wrong horse, sir.

Things are not better at HuskerBoard:

I'd put the odds at 65% (at this point), that we go 0-5 in October. If we do, I say fire everyone and make a $5 million offer to the first Big-Name, PROVEN WINNER who is in his PRIME, who becomes available. (and it goes without saying at this point, that this coach would have to be a fit for Big 10 football).

F Riley

F Eichorst

F Perlman

GET THEM ALL OUT OF HERE

Fire this staff holy f#*k what garbage

fire riley now.

fire this coaching staff.

Yeah, I'm already done with this regime. A loss to Illinois is unforgivable.

Clean house. Worst coaching I've ever seen. They are handing this game away.

Game over. We lost to Illinois. Fire everyone

As a reminder, Nebraska is five games into the Riley regime. Are things really this bad?:

For the Monday before a home game, keg pre-orders in Lincoln are down 22% versus last home game, and down 26% versus this time last year. Not sure if this is relevant, but I found it interesting nonetheless. Source is reliable (in the spirits business). Of course this is early, maybe orders will increase later this week, but so far the trend is down.

Yes, things are bad. It's hard to identify exactly what's wrong with the Cornhuskers right now. Is it just bad luck? An adjustment to a different system? Or is there something more sinister at work? One brave HuskerMax poster dares to speak the truth:

Shawn Eichorst......These FACTS might paint a picture on the hiring of MR.
We all were stunned that a .500 coach with a lack of success and multiple loses to Div.2 talent became the head coach of a 5 time national championship program.
Look at these facts and tell me if I am nuts or cracked the reasoning of this hire.

FACTS.
SE was born and raised in Wisconsin
SE and his family were big Badger fans and still have season tickets to this day.
SE played Div. 2 college football in Wisconsin
SE was the assistant athletic director and director of football operations at the University of Wisconsin.
While at Miami, SE wanted Paul Chyst as coach. Talks fell through

...................
SE becomes AD at NU. At this time, big 10 conferences are realigned and Wisconsin and NU are now in the same division.

A year later, he fires Bo Pelini and goes on his "Search" for the best AD around.

Barry Alvarez says in statement "probably 2 years left" as AD at Wisconsin

SE hires "Mike Riley"????? as head coach of NU.

Less than a week later Gary Anderson resigns at Wisconsin after 2 big 12 title games in 2 years...............to go to.......Oregon State?

Paul Chyst is hired as Wisconsin Coach.

Boys, SE will the AD at Wisconsin with 2 years. This is where he was born, this the state he played HS and college football at, THIS IS WHERE IS WAS Barry A's assistant in operations.

Everything I just said here are FACTS. If they are connected, that's up to you to decide.

I just joined this board today, because this information has been brought to my attention by people with in NU and I wanted to share.
Thoughts?

The only way this conspiracy theory could be better is if it suggested AD Shawn Eichorst traveled back in time and orchestrated Nebraska's move to the Big Ten specifically to put them in a position to help Wisconsin. CHECK THE PHOTOGRAPHS; YOU'LL SEE HIM THERE:

GEORGIA

@cuppycup was thoughtful enough to put together this montage of Georgia fans standing in the rain, watching the Bulldogs lose badly. It's like an antidepressant commercial that never gets to the part when they tell you about the drug:

*UGACIL is not recommended for children, the elderly, or those who suffer from an acute championship deficiency.

The floor is yours, anguished Dawg Sports commenters:

Choking on national tv again
What a pathetic performance again on national tv! I'm fed up with richt and his coaching tactics,or should I say lack of! Pruitt is a joke who has no clue on how to stop a run oriented offensive! Matter of fact bama just scored again! This Texas born uga graduate is appalled by the acceptance of both the athletic department and the fan base of being embarrassed yearly on national tv! I'm a 1984 graduate and I have the right to bitch about the current state of our program! My class is uga football at its finest! Saturday happens to often with this current head coach and I'm sick of this crap! It's time for a change and the timing is right as we will lose Saturday to Tennessee and again to Florida and auburn ! Another four loss season and another terrible bowl awaits! It's time to make the change! Richt is a decent recruiter,I will give him that,but as a head coach he's in over his head and has been since day one!

"What year did you graduate?"
"1989."
"Sorry, you're not allowed to be unhappy. We're pretty strict when it comes to Ray Goff Era alumni":

That's it. I'm convinced. Richt can't win when it counts.
We dug ourselves a hole we won't be able climb out of.

I'm not going to say next year because it ain't happening.

Good night. This is just too much.

#firemarkricht
5 years late, but never more apparent. I don't have a replacement, realize it may set up back, but I'm okay with that. I'd rather lose 6 than vomit on myself against every quality opponent.

You know, I respect the honesty here. Even if firing Mark Richt is a disastrous mistake, you still want to make it:

Richt is Only a Recruiter...Not a Coach
When talents is equal, you have to out coach the other team.... Richt can't coach, so he will always lose these games.
Recruiter- A
Coach - F
Results - C
Christian- N/A.. This is football, NOT CHURCH.

That's true. People remain in their seats through the entirety of the service at church.

This Week In Schadenfreude is often about coping mechanisms. Often, those boil down to drinking excessively or breaking things, or both. But Georgia fans took a gentler approach, by listening to the wisdom of their children. (Who, it should be noted, haven't been around to experience that many crippling UGA losses):

I can't do it anymore.
Heart can't take it. I'm watching Harry Potter with the kids.

An imaginary world where a soulless wizard tries to kill a child is better than the real world where a soulless coach is trying to kill my dreams.

My 1 year old changed the tv to Doogie Howser
I contemplated not changing it back...

Scene at my house...
My three year old: You wanna watch Thomas the train!?!
Me: (thinks.......) yup.

Thank goodness you listened to your kids, considering these alternatives one Georgia fan offered:

things that are more enjoyable than watching this game
1. Rubbing feces in my hair
2. Huffing dog farts from a plastic bag
3. Shaving my scrotum with a rusty knife
4. Being trapped in an elevator with Rosie O'Donnell.
5. Funnelling a gallon of pepto bismol
6. Wearing a wool jock strap on a hot and muggy day

Are these in rank order? If so, I'm interested to hear how you made rusty scrotum-shaving a Playoff team but not Pepto-funneling.

We'll end with the most truly terrible bile of the week, from Georgia's SEC Rant forum:

FIRE MARK RICHT
Can we please please please fire Richt?

Dude spent the last week more concerned with a player from another team than his own team.

Richt cannot and will not lead UGA to any meaningful wins!!!

And frick every single one of you who supported Richt all these years.

If only Richt had shown no compassion for Devon Gales, the Southern University player who had to undergo surgery after fracturing his neck against Georgia. Nick Saban woulda harvested his organs because HE'S A DANG WINNER.