This Week In Schadenfreude, in which Michigan State needs to leave for the ACC

At this point in the season, one thing starts to separate the best teams from those who started fast but wound up fading: conditioning. That's also true of angry message board members. If you've burned through all your best rants in September, you might not have much left in the tank.

Conditioning matters for you as the reader as well. This Week In Schadenfreude, we've got a lot of Michigan State fury. Are we going to jump right into it? No. We're going to warm up with some smaller spleen workouts. This column is all about your health and wellbeing.

PENN STATE

Start by stretching your enjoyment of the pain others experience with some light Black Shoe Diaries work after Penn State lost to Northwestern late.

Totally not ready at the start of the game. Hack couldn't throw a ball in the ocean. I am amazed that this supposed 1st or 2nd pick throws so many bad passes. Overthrows / underthrows / behind guys....
Play calling sucks. Defense at times forgets how to tackle. receivers that drop way to many balls. and kicking game. A total joke... You have one job kick the ball 40 -50 yards. IF you can't , get rid of him...

The long snapper's great, though!

Yay 7 wins
Penn State is a fucking scam and to believe some idiots spend millions of dollars to watch this bullshit is stunning and very sad (like our football team).

Oh, man. You got totally screwed on StubHub, didn't you?

I feel bad for my son
He is 5 and he already loves Pennstate football. After the wildcat play on the last offensive possession, he turns around and says "I am so sick of Pennstate's Bullshit!", which I know he picked up from me. My wife starts laughing hysterically, but the only thing i could respond with was "Get used to it buddy, that's what being a Pennstate fan is all about."

At least no one can accuse you of shielding your child from the harsh realities of the world.

TEXAS A&M

Feeling that blood pump a little? Good. Let's do a slow lap over at TexAgs.

I'm not one for conspiracy theories, but something just doesn't seem right.

Two years in a row now, we come out as billed and then tank mid-season. My theory is that we come out with a fresh scheme, and then by the third week, everyone knows exactly what we're going to do. That is on the coaches.

But to have two years in a row with QB controversies? Both midway through the season? I'm kinda of looking into making a tinfoil hat.

I know I'm not the only one disappointed about this season, but am I the only one who thinks there is something either shady or that I'm missing something?

What's fun about this conspiracy theory is that it doesn't bother to argue whom this would benefit or how. THAT'S HOW DEEP THIS GOES, MAN!

For over 55 years, I have been a faithful fan of Aggie Football. Thru thick and thin, I have remained steadfast in my loyalty and support for the coaches and athletes.

How have I been rewarded? Mostly with anguish and disappointment. Every time it feels like we are close, we fold. We are truly the Charlie Brown of major college football. Lucy will always pull the ball away.

It is time to end this insanity. I will no longer follow or support Aggie Football. You have been a cruel b**ch and like my ex-wife I must now leave you to follow higher pursuits.

WE WILL ALL DIE BEFORE SEEING AN AGGIE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Wait, is this a prediction or a threat?

Sumlin is a damn loser that
benefitted from Sherman's recruiting and having Manziel. $5,000,000.00 down the damn drain. No emotion from him or players. I bet Chavis regrets coming to such a losing program. I am 53 and we have had 10 good years. How embarrassing.

It really adds something when someone adds his or her age to an angry comment. "Here's some unhinged shit about a college football team. Also, I'm not anywhere close to 20."

Together we can put an end to our pain and suffering
Maroon Koolaid + Rat Poison = Liberation

Sumlin needs to kick rocks. Bring in a real coach. Dump a **** ton of money on Chip Kelly's desk and make him say no.

(dumps out briefcase)
"Well, Coach Kelly?"
"I'm sorry, but no."
"Oh."
(silence)
(begins cleaning up bills)
"I didn't bind them, so this is going to take a bit."

OLE MISS

We'll amp it up a little with some reps at Red Cup Rebellion. Feel that burn! (It's actually Hugh Freeze's ever-hotter seat.)

Fuck it
I'm raising my son to be an Alabama fan. He doesn't deserve to ever feel like this.

(Googles "Mike Shula era")

Hugh Freeze
Has again demonstrated he has no business coaching a Division 1 football program and for certain has no business in the SEC. A revolt is stirring in the Rebel Nation.

Luckiest man in the world: Hugh Freeze
Now, no one is going to talk about the fact that he made probably the dumbest coaching decision I have ever seen at the end of regulation. And with the flukiness of Arkansas' last possession, he won't hear nearly as much about how Bielema shredded our unprepared defense all game.

I know my first thought once Arkansas converted that fourth-and-25 was, "Damn that lucky Hugh Freeze! He gets every bounce!"

Fire that mother fucking whole god damn staff fuck high freeze that buck tooth fuckkmg shitty fucking coach
And fuck this entire team

FLORIDA

Wait, didn't the Gators beat Vanderbilt and clinch a spot in the SEC Championship? Yes, but that doesn't mean it was fun for me or Alligator Army commenters.

We aren't winning shit with this scrub at Quarterback

Put Treon Harris on the bench
That kid is horrible. The backup deserves to play today. He cant possibly play worse. Harris has no idea what he's doing back there. Its like he doesnt even know the plays.

Man please let Harris not be able to continue. I'm starting to wish bad things man bad things

Things got better once Florida pulled ahead for good with a field goal, though.

Holy shit I just screamed so loud I made the dog piss the couch... fuck!

LSU

Ok, you should all be feeling pretty loose now. We're going to try a little intermediate activity, focused on LSU's loss to Alabama. In some years, this would be a marathon by itself. This year, it's more of a 10K. If you're still feeling unready, take a gulp of this comment from Death Valley.

Like i said before the game in regards to "katrina sign" the fact that our players were pissed off about that and gave that the time of day showed just how mentally fragile they were and it clearly shown on the field. Bama owns our ass

THESE PLAYERS GOTTA STOP BEING DISTRACTED BY TRAGEDIES THAT HAPPENED WITHIN THEIR LIFETIME AND FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS.

Crank the speed to TigerDroppings.

Les is Saban's beotch...we will never beat Bama until Saban retires

Les is the Richt of the West. Can't get that Florida/Bama monkey off his back.

Les Miles = Phil Mickelson
And Nick Saban is Tiger Woods. Miles would be dominating if he didn't have to go up against Saban every year.

Georgia fans are so pissed right now. Not because of the Richt comparison, but because come on, Tiger hasn't been good in forever!

We all know saban is bigger egomaniac than miles. But do we. An egomaniac refuses to change his thought process cause it's clearly better than anything else that can be suggested to him. Miles is a very good coach but seems not to listen to common sense in these Alabama games. Saban gets OCs that become successful head coaches. Miles gets OCs that are either ruined or should not have been hired in the first place. Saban the egomaniac seems like he knows when to change (like his offensive philosophy ) miles doesn't in these bama games . Translates to 5 in a row and counting to miles the worse egomaniac during these bama LSU games .

Nick Saban, Picture of College Football Humility.

Deer Antler Spray
Bama's linemen were on it or some other performance enhancer - period. There's no other explanation for our O-line stacked with future NFL players to get blown off the ball all night that way in a game they were hyped to play in as well.

Why didn't Bama's line do the same to Tennessee's or Ole Miss's? They used it 1/9/12 and they used it 11/7/15.

I'm not one to start rumors or controversies but it's the only way it could have happened

I'm not one to commit arson, but I will be purchasing 10 gallons of gasoline even though I don't own a car or boat.

Don't get over it
Anyone that wants to settle for less than winning every game shouldn't be a fan or a player. You don't train and practice at this level to accept anything less than the mentality of winning. The reason they are dominating us is because they don't accept it.

Ok, our final exercise before we go full Spartans is over at TigerFan. Grab some water if you need it.

What's funny is Mr 3 yards and a cloud of dust gets a generational tailback and the best O line he has ever had and they get mauled on national television. When your absolute best gets buttfucked, what does that say?

LSU is soft. There is no desire to be the best. I'm sick and tired of seeing this team year in and year out get outclassed by a bunch of fucking Gumps. I'm not as disappointed with LSU as i am disappointed with myself for believing this team had a chance to win this game. I should have know better.

This was a pivotal game in the trajectory of this programs. There is no doubt that Bama is boss hog and Miles isn't bringing the magic back. No need to worry about NCs anymore, just enjoy the tailgates.

We didn't just lose, we got embarrassed; again. Roll roll roll down the toilet bowl.

Only three more comments. YOU CAN DO THIS!

Les Miles needs to be be in a barrel on the sideline like the rodeo clown he is tonight

PUSH!

Offensive line should all have to pay a week's tuition after this one. Or maybe give it to Fournette

OK I SUSPECT THAT WOULD BE AN NCAA VIOLATION WHICH IS NOT WHAT LEONARD FOURNETTE REALLY NEEDS RIGHT NOW ONE MORE!

Why can't LSU just recruit a cracker with a brain to play Qb?

Great job, everyone. (Not you, racist LSU fan.)

MICHIGAN STATE

Well, it's finally here. Our distance run through the spleen and fury that is Michigan State fans trying to cope with their first loss of the season. And the defense that let them down. And the coaching that's been a bit of a disappointment. And the referees. There's a lot going on here is what I'm telling you. Let's start at The Only Colors.

OL way the fuck overrated. they can't move my gramma.

Gramma got a mean swim move, though.

Everyone on this defense should apologize to everyone on the 2011-2014 defenses. This defense couldn't stop me and 10 of my buddies after a night of drinking

But how would you and your buddies handle Gramma? I bet she puts up five touchdowns on you easy.

The coaches need to run some sprints after next practice as punishment. They continue to over (under?) think things/get cute/ be dumb and tonight it caught up with their team.

"Why are you sprinting?"
"We're either too dumb or too smart!"

Btw my 6 and 8 year old boys where crying about the Injustice at the end of the game.
Literally crying. I had to reassure them that everything is going to be okay. (Although I'm not so sure myself)

And then this response:

Hey man...you're lucky
to have boys that will sit and watch a game with you, let alone cry (as I'm sure you wanted to, as did I).

But in my fuckin house I am the lone man out of five. And do the other four give a shit why daddy is screaming, cheering, cussing, celebrating, yelling out the door, running in circles...nope. They think I'm an idiot.

I love my girls, but what I'd give for a boy to share the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat with me.

Man...at least I have you guys or else I may be on suicide watch.

I would very much like to hear this story told from the perspectives of the daughters.

refs suck
i will watch no more college football until they execute these refs.

This would really make the noon Big Ten game more exciting, I'll admit.

I am dead inside.

That may be for the best, because the crew at the Red Cedar Message Board is very, very much alive.

Dear Big Ten,
Fuck you, you worthless asshole pieces of shit. All your life you've lusted after Michigan and Ohio State and done your assholish best to keep the rest of the conference down so you can jerk off to your pictures of Bo and Woody.

Come on, gross.

That's a movie for children!

Goodbye CFP
What a fucking waste, fuck the cornfuckers

What has this conference ever done for our program?
Besides jobbed us time and time again?

Why didn't the B1G want the exposure of an undefeated MSU
playing OSU? I just don't get it, why the obvious directive to help Nebraska get the win? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

m a y b e b e c a u s e t h e r e w a s n o d i r e c t i v e

Get us out of the BT East
We're never going to get a fair shake. The refs have been dicking us for weeks b/c delaney wants us out of the picture. Our players and coaches share blame for the loss, but we shouldn't have to overcome the refs and a scheduling disadvantage in order to make it to the BTCG.

You, uh, might want to check with Duke before you put in that ACC application.

If Quicken Loans and Auto Owners pulled ads on BTN......until the quality of calls on the field got better, guess what? The quality of reffing - and in particular getting replays right - would be near perfect. And stupid rules that don't allow judgement calls to be reviewed would get quickly "updated". Anything that threatens the $$$$ machine called the Big Ten Network would be addressed immediately.

Auto Owners and Quicken are two of the top advertisers on the BTN with clear Michigan State ties and loyalties.

I'd love it if corporations with ties to Lansing and MSU that advertise on BTN would flex some financial muscle and make the BTN sweat a little.

And Dan Gilbert cares about MSU Athletics, make no mistake about that.

"This reversed fumble brought to you by Quicken Loans. When you need someone to bail you out, Quicken's there!"

ACC LOOKS FRIENDLY SO DOES BIG EAST LETS GTFO OF THIS GARBAGE CONFERENCE SO DELANEY CAN HAVE HIS WISH COME TRUE EVERY YEAR

FUCK YOU DELANEY AND FUCK THE B1G

DAMMIT WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT THAT

Either it's incompetence or it's corruption

Either way it's bullshit. The NCAA and Big Ten Conference literally just fucked us straight in the ass.

We are just going to let them fuck us in the ass? I say we get crazy on those mother fuckers!!

What the fuck is the replay for? I might as well watch WWE. How can you have any confidence in The legitimacy of the game with that shit. These Fucked incompetent refs need to be fired! What the fuck???? You got grampa Jones in the replay booth fading in and out of his alzhimers haze? JFC Almighty!

Well, if Grampa's in the booth, you know Gramma's getting all the calls.

To be clear: not everyone blamed this loss on the referees. (Ok, not everyone blamed this loss entirely on the referees.)

Despite the refs our defense and special is fucking trash. The coaches are clueless and the players are lost. Season is over. Stop blaming the refs and point the fingers at the fucking coaches. Two weeks to prepare and we get this.

Holy crap, the safeties/linebackers letting Jordan Westerkamp set up in the middle of the damn field with enough time to scratch his nuts, order a venti latte, thumb out eight or nine tweets, click his heels, yell "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!" three times, and THEN set up for the catch.....................that's disappointing.

Way to tease Kansas fans into thinking they're getting Jordan Westerkamp, jerk.

Fuck it. We deserve to lose. We've deserved to lose all year. Fucking underachieving pussy ass team. Fuck this season. Fuck these gutless, heartless players. Fuck everything.

(runs through finish line)

Good workout, guys! You can go ahead and vomit now.