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This Week In Schadenfreude is absolutely nothing but enraged Ohio State fans

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Usually, this column tours the country for the angriest college football fans from all over. This week, it's nothing but Buckeyes from top to bottom.

Justin K. Aller/Getty Images

If you've come to This Week In Schadenfreude hoping to see ...

  • Oklahoma State fans saddened to see their undefeated season come to an end at the hands of Baylor,
  • TCU fans frustrated by a loss to Oklahoma after a failed two-point conversion,
  • Angry Cal fans pissed by a sixth loss to Stanford in a row,
  • Penn State fans trying to deal with another season that will fall short of 10 wins,
  • Utah fans who had to watch the Utes score nine points against unranked UCLA,
  • LSU fans demanding Les Miles and his coordinators be fired, even if their buyouts require they be given every firstborn child in the state,
  • Florida or Georgia fans experiencing the horror of overtime at home against opponents they scheduled so they'd have guaranteed wins in November,
  • South Carolina fans telling Florida and Georgia fans they have no idea what true pain is, or
  • USC fans watching Vernon Adams break the record for passing yards against the Trojans in a game,

... you may close this tab now. While the anguish of these groups is worthy of your admiration, it cannot be found in this column.

Today, we celebrate the Internet grunts and screams of one team and one team only. A champion, a juggernaut and, after last week's loss to Michigan State, a nation of spleen.

Welcome to This Week In Buckeyefreude.

ELEVEN WARRIORS

When your team loses for the first time in a while, it can be hard to know how to react, and you might find yourself embracing uncivilized urges.

I would love to be able to hurl a couple of haymakers in Tim Beck's direction right now.

See, that's obviously not an appropriate way to treat an offensive coordinator. What would be a better response?

I want to throat punch Tim Beck

There you go! Attack with precision instead of just swinging wildly.

It upsets me that these young men with offensive talent were cheated out of a great season because of their horrid offensive coaching and play calling. As many have said Beck needs to be given the boot and Warriner goes back to offensive line. If I was a young offensive recruit visiting, I would be looking elsewhere for a coaching staff that can make me elite. These clowns cannot. They should wear red squeaky noses for the Michigan game.

That would match the uniform, at least.

Fuck Tim Beck and fuck Urban Meyer for hiring this clown

Look, do you want a clown or not? This is like planning a birthday party for an indecisive seven-year-old.

FUCK! FIRE BECK TOMORROW!!!!!! FUCK

FUCK TIM BECK, FUCK URBAN MEYER

Way to send the seniors out. Biggest choke job in Ohio State history. Worst game plan I've ever seen and Urban Meyer deserves as much blame as everyone else. They deserve to lose this embarrassment of a game.

This one is on Urban, this was just terrible coaching. Looks like maybe our mensa guy was the real reason we won the natty last year.

This loss is un-excusable.

We're definitely approaching a theme here, a theme you would think unlikely for an Ohio State team that has one national title and four losses in the last four seasons. Maybe I'm reading too much into th-

Screw firing Warriner, Beck, Ash, and Fickell. How about firing the guy that hired Withers and Beck and cost us a shot at 2 nattys by being beaten by 3 star recruits, who were coached by a guy that knows how to get more out those 3 star recruits than ours does out of 4 and 5 stars. Welcome to goatland Urban. Enjoy your time on the shit list. Thanks for the natty. Better enjoy it. You're gonna need it this off season.

THE HONEYMOON'S OVER URBAN PACK YOUR SHIT

Hope all of our players enjoy the NFL since they gave up on college. What a fucking joke. That's what they get for playing like assholes all year long.

Just hope you get drafted by the Dallas Cowboys. They're pro-asshole.

If I were Urban:

Tell Zeke he's done and to clean out his locker - love Zeke but this display of BS deserves a quick and heavy response: complete lack of control and leadership from Zeke. You lost - suck it up, learn from it, and get stronger. Your press conference was fucking pathetic - especially knowing that you're leaving and going to now mail it in
Strip Ed Warriner of his play calling
Strip Tim Beck of his play calling
Call the plays himself - and hire an incredible OC in the off season
If any of the players that are remotely suspect of declaring themselves eligible for the NFL drat so much as ole a trip to the toilet - kick them the F@#$ off the team and replace them with somebody that is not pulling back their effort for their NFL potential draft stock.

"Saw you in the grocery store the other day, Cardale."
"Yeah, Coach. I was just getting some stuff for Thanksgiving."
"You bought canned cranberry sauce, Cardale. That lack of effort's not welcome on this team. Leave your uniform in your locker and get out."

As I'm walking to my car with my friends, I couldn't help but notice a little boy, who looked no older than 9, crying. I walked up to him and his father (Which looked like he was holding back tears as well), the father asks me what year am I in. I told him I was a Freshman. He then asked me if I saw last years run, which I responded to with a yes. He then threw a curveball question: Why did Tim Beck even get hired?

I had no answer.

We then spent 10 minutes calming the kid down, but in the middle of it the kid asks me "why cant we win good?" To which I also had no answer. I went to my car and grabbed a toy that my niece left in the car. I gave it to him and told him to cheer up, but I couldn't help but feel for him.

The way the dad looked was almost if he had been back in the Cooper years. The kid looked devastated, and so was I.

Why Can't We Win Good: A Children's Story of Family, Football and Giving Away Toys That Don't Belong To You

AROUND THE 'SHOE

How the hell does a coach fail to use a Heisman Trophy candidate running back weekend and week out? Also what does that tell other running backs that have committed? These coaches are absolutely the worst, they are the epitome of s*** and should be hung by their balls for robbing the team aND threesseniorsof a shot at the title. It almost makes you wonder if they're trying to sabotage this team as pathetic as it has been. There just isn't any other excuse.

WHAT COULD IT BE
OUR FIRST HOME LOSS
YOUR SCHEME IS GARBAGE, MUST BE

No More Senior Games
Can we just agree to have those ceremonies during the week? This BS happens every damn year. They get all emotional and nostalgic and they are distracted and this crap happens. Horrible effort and horrible play calls.

"This is why I don't call my mom on her birthday. Can't have her mailing it in at work because she thinks I love her."

This team can choke themselves
They are b itches and cry babies looking at draft stattus. Fuck you Bosa. You cost this team.

Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft
Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft
Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft
Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft

Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft
Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft
Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft

Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft
Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft

Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft Urban is soft

You pasted this 80 times. Six more and you would have matched Ohio State's rushing yardage!

My 9 ear old gets it
He asked if we could call in a missing person report about Urban Meyer. This kid is not stupid, he heard the comments Urban made not only on TV but through information on the Internet and he said that Urban isnt the same guy. He simply said the fire is gone

I have to agree with the little guy. Urban would easily try to put 100 points on opponents, he would go for it on 4th and three and now we are kicking on 4th and one, not only do we kick on 4th and one but there are no sneaks, there is no attempts to block the punts, there is no preaching of leadership or an angry team. I damn well bet our teams pissed now but its fortunate it took a freakin loss at the expense of tWo a****** coaches

Sir, I think your child has been replaced by a 47-year-old local radio host without you noticing.

Over achievers last year. The staff and team actually chug dick. We got lucky last year. Enjoy the Golden Age of Buckeye football. Shit play calling across the board, missed opportunities, and sucking gigantic cock when it matters. Sit back and enjoy with a big dick close by.

This is the easiest AP Psychology question ever.

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HINEYGATE

This is what happens when your coaching staff is full of bums and the players believe their own hype.

Yeah, but Beck's only contract demands were a cot and soup every day!

Worst loss in Urban's career.

It's my responsibility to remind you Meyer lost a home game to Houston Nutt.

Every aspect of this team flat-out SUCKS!!!!!!

THIS OFFENSE HAS SENT OSU FOOTBALL BACK 25 YEARS

Well, if it's really 1990, I'm interested to see how Colorado and Georgia Tech manage to share a national title.

The wheels have officially come off the bus. Player dissension. Don't be shocked if we lose both next week and in our bowl game.

No, this is entirely Meyers fault. His entire attitude of accepting mediocrity all year long finally came back and bit him, and the entire Buckeye football team. The comments about going and celebrating a wins, even when those wins looked weak, uninspired, and completely disjointed, should have been a clue that he was accepting mediocrity and the inevitable embarrassment of losing to an inferior opponent.

The fault is Meyers and no one else.

And that's why you can't trust Urban Meyer's Yelp reviews.

I think we probably witnessed the end of the best years of Buckeye football for awhile. It's obvious that this current assistant coaching staff is very mediocre, especially on offense. As fans we will look back and feel proud about the 2014 season and National Championship, but the future doesn't look promising to get back to that level.

Why stop there? I think a three-point loss to Michigan State indicates the impending collapse of the U.S. dollar, a global famine and the emergence of telepathic bats that will destroy society and turn us into guano slaves.

LAND-GRANT HOLY LAND

This is a sad team. One that looks like they might want to lose this game so they can come out against Michigan with no pressure.

This comment was posted before the game was over, but Ohio State did lose, sooooo I think we're being told Michigan-Ohio State is a game that doesn't matter? Is that right? Shit, maybe we are living in 1990!

first thing Urban needs to do is fire his OC
second thing he should do is apologize to all the Buckeye fans that sat in the rain and cold today to see a completely tanked atrocious effort from the team

"I'm sorry the weather sucked."

And so ends the Buckeyes chances to repeat

Top to bottom, from the head coach to the punter, they are just not very good

See, you know things are in B1G trouble if they're talking shit about the punter.

that is definitely one of the worst losses in Ohio State history. OC needs fired. Defense was gutless in the 4th quarter. These players let down the fans today. They let down the alumni. Just an awful job by everyone.

Not by the Ohio State commenters, though. You guys won this week by 50 points.

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SB Nation presents: Ezekiel Elliott blasts coaches, announces he's leaving OSU