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This Week In Schadenfreude, in which God is mad at Georgia

Welcome to your weekly roundup of the Internet's maddest college football fans. This week, we return to three extremely reliable sources of anguish.

Jim Brown-USA TODAY Sports

We've got a slightly shorter edition of This Week In Schadenfreude, which will happen when some of the bigger teams are off for a week and the ones that lose have already spent earlier weeks taking their anger out on message boards. Commenters are like infants; eventually they get tired of crying and just wander off. (I should point out that I'm not a parent.)

It also didn't help that the most painful and fury-inducing outcome happened to Duke. If there was Blue Devil spleen, I didn't manage to find it, beyond this from one Devils Illustrated poster:

KEEP PRESSURE ON COMMISSIONER S OFFICE
REMEMBER ONE THING.........THE ONLY THING NECESSARY FOR EVIL TO SUCCEED IS FOR GOOD PEOPLE TO DO NOTHING

Even Duke football's Facebook page was useless. It's just Miami fans gloating and being needlessly combative.

"Justice serve" indeed. THE U IS BACK.

GEORGIA

Video rants usually don't make TWIS, because it's hard to tell who's just doing this for attention and who's actually foolish enough to think this is a meaningful way to deal with frustration and/or convince an athletic department to make a change. But I'll make the occasional exception.

Next up is Dawg Sports:

This blows.
The difference between this and Falcons football is that I expect the Falcons to lose every game, but I expect Georgia to win. Same giant let down each year, though.

(Less than 24 hours later, the Falcons lost to the Bucs in overtime. But they did score more than three points, so.)

For those who insist "it could be worse"
Wrong. Richt underperforms every single year, yet he does just well enough that so many hang onto to hopes of next year, what if, etc. This program is paralyzed. What could be worse than a program that fails to see it is mediocre and thus isnt willing to do what is necessary?

Honestly, I'd be happy if it really did get worse so that maybe finally enough people would say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

It says the world that all Florida did was play competently and we were completely flummoxed by it.
Just completely beyond baffled. ME GET PUNT? WHAT ME DO WITH PUNT?

Me want go to Dawgs247.

Let's fire Richt and keep Eason
Eason is a EE. If we fired Richt after the bowl season then Eason will already be on campus and probably wouldn't transfer. It's kind of a cheap tactic but hell without a better QB this team isn't going to be that good regardless of who is the coach.

To clarify, Jacob Eason is a five-star quarterback in the class of 2016 who verbally committed to Georgia in July 2014. This is a good plan and will definitely not piss off said quarterback or anyone else who considers playing for Georgia in the future, and I fully endorse it.

I've finally gotten to the point
Where I'm apathetic about being apathetic

LEVELS.

I honestly think this was Richt showing the fan base that even though we call for his head. That he can really just do whatever he wants and that he will still be allowed to be our coach; no matter what the results are.

By all accounts Richt is the real deal as a man, a husband and a father and his Christian walk seems legit. It would seem that God would honor UGA by allowing us to have success on the football field led by Richt

There has to be something somewhere in our athletic department, administration or leadership that God doesn't like.

I, for one, am very excited for the Georgian Inquisition.

If you are building a house, and the foundation is crumbling, and the wiring is bad, and the roof is leaking, and the plumbing backs up, and the garage is too small for the cars, and the appliances aren't the right fit for the house, at some point you have to blame the builder and bring in a new one. No matter how good a guy the builder is, the house he is building is falling down around us. But you better bring in a darn good builder as a replacement!

This is the best episode of Love It or List It ever.

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NEBRASKA

If there is one silver lining for the Dawgs, it's this: they didn't lose to Purdue. If there is a second, it's that they can let Mark Richt go and, according to one commenter at HuskerMax, he'll have a job waiting for him.

People want to know who we should hire if we fire riley. I say HC Mark Richt. He is a good coach and might be done at Georgia if they lose to Florida today. It would give us ties to SEC recruiting grounds.

This team has collectively stepped in a giant dog turd.

Man, this Nebraska-Georgia connection really IS strong.

I'll be out trick n' treating in my Big Red regalia with a paper bag over my head.

"What are you dressed up as?"
"Miserable Nebraska fan."
"Um, the point of Halloween is to dress up as something you're NOT."

The people of Corn Nation had some thoughts on this loss.

Its Broke throw it away.
55 points scored by PURDUE. PURDUE where fans tailgate and don't bother to go to the game.Purdue where the fans offer to pay you to take extra tickets. Purdue where the Band is the highlite of the game.PURDUE where a fucking train is the mascot. Purdue where apathy has reached unseen heights.

I keep waiting for "Riley" to remove his mask ala Scooby Doo
And show he is Bill Callahan.

Shawn Eikhorst is SATAN, & if THIS is what "pleases" him, I'm surprised the corn-faithful haven't tied him to a tree, & set him ablaze yet

Fuck this shit. There is zero hope for Riley. I bought into all the hype about ostate and facilities etc. I feel like an idiot. For those of you still making excuses, wake the fuck up. There is zero reason to believe Riley can turn this around. How the fuck can anyone believe otherwise. Recruiting looks terrible and so does everything and I mean everything about this staff. There is no silver lining. I don't want to hear about talent either. Even if Illinois, Purdue, northwestern etc have the same talent, we should expect to be .500 against those teams.
I wanted pelini gone as much as anyone but it sure does look like he was right about the administration. Eichorst is a pussy and Perelman is the worst thing that has happened to the athletic department in our lifetimes. I can't wait for him to retire!!!!

THATS IT
I'M SHUTTING OFF THE PORCH LIGHT. NO CANDY FOR THE KIDS, I'M EATING IT ALL MYSELF.

Some long, long, LONG thoughts. Seriously, go get a snack.

I blame the bagmen...
In the pantheon of NCAA football, "bagmen" are shadowy individuals designated to distribute cash to recruits, players, and their families. If they do their job correctly, almost no one knows who they are. However, their impact on NCAA football, especially at the highest levels, cannot be underestimated.

Fed up with Head Coach Bo Pelini's annual blowout losses, sideline demeanor, and homeless-aping fashion sense, Nebraska football bagmen collude to withhold payoffs from on-field talent, leading to declining recruit talent and high rates of player attrition - a matter of public record. Pelini's public facade cracks further upon release of secret audio recordings deriding fans (or is it bagmen?) and leveraging an "us-against-the-world" attitude to motivate his shrinking support base among players. As on-field talent wanes, both Pelini and A. D. Shawn Eichorst find themselves under increasing pressure leading to Pelini's eventual termination.

Pelini's replacement is Mike Riley, a "nice" guy who is willing to grin-and-bear his way through a certainly ugly transition year for millions of reasons, including the promise of future bagmen support. The bagmen figure that even if Riley doesn't win, he won't dress like a homeless person nor scowl and rant his way up and down the sideline every Saturday. i.e. - he projects a positive rather than negative image.

Assuming the bagmen bring the talent back, Riley is in a position to turn the program around, metamorphosing from goat to great before retirement where he is fondly remembered as a lesser-than, but tangentially-worthy successor to His Excellency Dr. Tom Osbourne, Plenipotentiary.

However, should the bagmen fail, things play out somewhat differently...

Failing to secure righteous talent and disillusioned by Riley's unshakably sunny disposition, the bagmen begin an embargo against Riley and stop paying off the current players and recruits. Without talent, Riley gee-willikers his way through the next couple of seasons prior to buying a huge retirement ranch/beach house/island fortress with his filthy lucre while "SK3RZ R GR8" and his brethren, ensconced in musty rumpus rooms deep within their surburban, split-level homes - said rumpus rooms less-than-tastefully decorated with all manner of Husker memorabilia (though '94, '95, and '97 are conspicuously over-represented) - seed internet message boards with anti-Riley sentiment. Eichorst feels the heat again, but what comes after a "bad-cop good-cop" routine?

The serendipitous answer to "The Riley Crisis" arrives when a third-year computer science major from McCool Junction discovers an abandoned, obsolete (but functional!) vintage computer* and football playbook in a Neihardt Hall storage closet and programs the computer to mimic the offensive and defensive play-calling of Tom Osbourne's back-to-back championship football teams as a barmy academic exercise. Upon hearing of this development, Eichorst directs the bagmen to launch an astroturfing campaign to install the freshly-dubbed "Tee-Oh Ninety-Five Ninety-Six" as UNL's head coach in perpetuity, thus securing his own job (Eichorst's) in perpetuity. You gotta give the people what they think they want!

Husker football is more exciting than ever, as the Tee-Oh Ninety-Five Ninety-Six features a glitch that precludes kicking PATs in favor of two-point conversions. Note, the prime stipulation of Tee-Oh Ninety-Five Ninety-Six's installation as head coach in perpetuity being that once "he" goes online, his hardware and software must never be touched... for any reason.

However, this very stipulation proves disastrous for mankind when a previously-undiscovered recursive loop manifests itself during the 2046 World College Football Playoffs (think Goodwill Games for College Football) resulting in an unacceptably embarrassing 78-3 defeat for the University of Selangor (Malaysia) who choose military retaliation in order to save face which provides a spark to the tinder of then-fragile international diplomatic relations conflagrating in WW3. As a result, millions die due to worldwide conflict and famine.

All hail Field Marshal Tee-Oh Ninety-Five Ninety-Six!

*Intel 486DX 33MHz, 8 MB RAM, 120 MB Hard Drive

Fortunately, the questions are more succinct at Huskers Illustrated.

So which Players are getting
High before the game? And How do the coaches do not know and can't tell and still let them play?

Sounds like a job for Mike London.

Did we just play TCU or Baylor?

Neither, but you wouldn't have helped their strength of schedule anyway.

Our coach has no moxie.

He has no passion. Personally, I don't believe he cares if he wins a game or not. There is no excitement, no want to.

Send a message to our players. Go for it on 4th and 6 inches. Play to win the effing game. I've almost checked out.

Hmm, if only Nebraska could find a coach with some energy and emotion.

If only.

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TEXAS

This OrangeBloods comment might be perfection.

I just don't understand why Texas went out and paid him 5 mil right off the bat? Sure Texas has the money but why waste it? Make them earn it. If Charlie is getting 5 mil. Saban could come to Texas and demand 10 mil.

The Texas job should be an unpaid internship for the first year. After that, if we keep you, you make $15 an hour with no benefits. NO MORE HANDOUTS, COACHES.

Despite Texas' embarrassing loss to Iowa State, Burnt Orange Nation still got into the spirit of the holiday.

I was a poop emoji for a Halloween party last night
would've been more appropriate if I put it on today instead

Maybe they thought it was Easter not Halloween. That might explain the egg laying.

and the crucifiction

Finally, let's check in with Barking Carnival.

I'm ready to let another coach make a total embarrassment of my football team
I'm officially done with this one.

Hmm...
never have I been so glad to have missed a game. Thank you, Satan!!

Wait, why were you with Shawn Eichorst? Is he getting the Texas job???

Sorry guys but Charlie Strong isn't to blame for this loss.
I am. My wife and I have had sex the morning of every Longhorn win, and abstained prior to every loss.

I identified this pattern after Kansas St and had every intention of doing my manly duty before Iowa State. Unfortunately my gall bladder tried to kill me this week and it was emergently removed. Needless to say I was in no shape to man up and nail my wife for Longhorn Nation. Then this game happened. Sorry guys.

Seems like yesterday Texas was losing to Oklahoma State and fans were insisting the problem was that Longhorns WERE getting screwed.