It's time for the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl! It is a wonderful event. The winner actually gets a bowl of potatoes from Idaho, which are famous.
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl day means we get images of the Famous Idaho Potato mascot, a dancing, always smiling anthropomorphic potato.
This is Spuddy Buddy.
He is not merely the mascot of the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. He is the mascot for the Idaho Potato Commission, the trade organization that sponsors the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl.
The commission's job is to ensure people know Idaho is good at growing potatoes, and that when we go to the store and purchase potatoes, we choose potatoes that are grown in Idaho. I guess they do a good job, because if you asked me where potatoes are grown, I'd almost instantly say, "Idaho."
However, I don't know why they came to the conclusion that this overexcited, never-blinking humanoid potato was helpful. Spuddy Buddy doesn't make me want to eat potatoes. He makes me want to ensure potatoes get the treatment they need.
Perhaps most terrifying about Spuddy Buddy: he has the power to muster an intensely devoted following.
At 2014's game, we saw one man holding an umbrella for the dancing potato.
That Famous Idaho Potato Bowl was played in 40-degree driving rain. And this man willingly gave up his umbrella to keep the potato warm.
I found a story about an Idaho-based judge who gives plush Spuddy Buddies to foreign officials in his travels.
"I learned receiving a Spuddy Buddy is a treat for these men and women, who are parents and grandparents," Boyle said. "One high-ranking judicial officer in Azerbaijan was so moved by me giving him two of the dolls â one for each of his daughters â the next day he insisted that I accept a small vase that was a family heirloom."
During a trip to Pakistan, the judges laughed and applauded when Boyle introduced his traveling partner, Spuddy Buddy, and informed them he'd packed dolls for each of them.
Some of the judges were "genuinely disappointed" when his supply ran short. Upon returning home, Muir agreed to give Boyle a large box of Spuddy Buddies, which he mailed to the U.S. Embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan.
Spuddy Buddies make people depart with their treasured family items. Spuddy Buddy shortages lead to international discord.Spuddy Buddy is in charge.
It's clear that Spuddy Buddy overpowers us.
He makes us act irrationally. When we interact with Spuddy Buddy, we begin to put ourselves second and put the giant dancing potato man first. When we meet Spuddy Buddy, we become subject to the potatoes. All hail Spuddy Buddy. His never-closing potato eyes see things we cannot. We shall follow his potato dances through our darkest hours.