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The 5 worst Big 12 expansion options imaginable

These are all fine academic institutions. But none of them will help the Big 12 reach the College Football Playoff or add major TV markets.

The Big 12 Conference has 10 schools. It should probably go back to having 12 teams. If it does that, the NCAA will let it bring back its football conference championship game.

And if it had had one of those in 2014, its champion would've had probably 12 wins, definitely a non-pretend league title, and maybe a berth in the College Football Playoff. We would all be speaking Texan and wearing Baylor or TCU colors right now.

Schools that offer major TV markets and consistently competitive teams are valuable. The obvious best potential paths for Big 12 expansion remain adding Boise State, BYU, Cincinnati, or UCF; maybe throwing in an associated neighbor near any of those; booting Kansas for Wichita State; and not considering your school.

But this is neither the time nor the place for the best potential candidates.

Tuvalu Maritime Training Institute

Tuvalu is a small island nation in the South Pacific that is not a large American TV market, despite being home to the .tv Internet domain.

But it does sea merchant stuff, which will remind Big 12 fans of Mike Leach! It's at least as remote as Texas Tech, so it's a cultural fit! And it oversees about 150 students at a time, just like Nick Saban!

However, it has never sent a team to the College Football Playoff.


Gustav Adolph Spangenberg

  • Founded in like 335 BCE by Aristotle, who might have been the smartest person ever if he'd only known more about American TV markets and the College Football Playoff.
  • Per Wikipedia, "Peripatetic gatherings were probably conducted less formally than the term 'school' suggests," so kind of like UNC.
  • Aristotle left Athens about 13 years after starting school, nowhere near as long as Mike Bobo lasted.

For-Profit Online University

Starfleet Medical Academy


Con: Probably founded more than 100 years from now.

Pro: National championship racquetball program.

Con: College Football Playoff? TV market?

Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary

Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary

  1. Slightly fortifies Big 12 control of glorious, luxurious, scholarly, famed, prestigious, influential TV market of Austin, Texas.
  2. Could be paired with The Art Institute of Austin to get the Big 12 up to 12 schools, or with The Art Institute of Austin, Southern Careers Institute of Austin, and the Austin Community College District to create a superconference on par with any, seeing as it has so much vibrant, realistic, creative, delicious, earthy, space-age Austin, Texas to offer.
  3. I think the Big 12 should replace Baylor and Oklahoma State with Seminary of the Southwest and Texas Health and Science University, which are also in incredible, sunny, diverse, futuristic, classic, enlightening, popular, successful Austin, Texas.
  4. APTS has never had a team in the College Football Playoff? Well, neither has Texas A&M, and that's what we should be talking about instead of poormouthing the incredible Austin, Texas or the elite University of Texas or the Big 12, which has a school in the remarkable city of Austin, Texas that is the best at everything, unlike Texas A&M.