It should be no surprise that a predawn Harbaugh interview with Mashable's Sam Laird follows the script.
Can Jim Harbaugh put Tupac and Gordon Lightfoot in consecutive sentences? Yes.
Do these college kids have you up on a lot of new music now, too? Do they have any favorite songs that get in your head?
"Yeah, it's really where I hear most of the music is from someone else playing it, and I'll catch it. You know, you hear a song and it's good and...
Do they like Future?
"Oh yeah. Big on Future."
"Yeah. 2 Chainz. Migos. Everybody's big on Migos! Lil Wayne..."
What would you be playing if you had the aux cord at practice?
"I'm a Tupac man myself. And my all-time favorite song, Gordon Lightfoot's 'The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.'"
Does he genuinely think that, despite graduating from Palo Alto High while his father Jack coached at Stanford, and spending the better part of a decade coaching Stanford in Palo Alto and the 49ers in San Francisco, that he has been to Peru as often as he's been to San Francisco? Of course!
Got any favorite San Francisco haunts to hit up? Restaurants? Spots?
"Not really. I like the House of Prime Rib. But I can probably count on two hands the number of times I've come to San Francisco."
Wait. You're saying you can count on two hands the total number of times you've entered the city of San Francisco in your entire life?
"Yeah. When I was in high school I came once. Never been to Alcatraz."
You've never been to Alcatraz?
"Nah. Been across the Golden Gate Bridge five or six times. My wife and I had dinner in San Francisco four or five times."
From the back, someone mentions that Harbaugh probably hasn't visited San Francisco as often as he's visited Peru, where he makes an annual missionary trip. This doesn't seem far off the mark, even though he coached in the Bay Area for several seasons.
"Been to Peru more — well, probably about the same amount of times. San Francisco and pure Peru. But it's a great city."
Though it's possible that Harbaugh was shading San Francisco, given his acrimonious divorce from the 49ers in 2014, at face value that's yet another unbelievable-but-true thing about Harbaugh. Then again, he's as odd as they come: Laird also says Harbaugh was spitting dip into a bottle during this interview -- set up by Colgate, albeit in conjunction with a water-conservation commercial the toothpaste company is running during the Super Bowl rather than anything about oral health -- and gets him to call Rick Ross' "Hold Me Back" "a real toe-tapper!"
Shine on, Jim.
Of course, the 49ers and San Francisco are pretty far apart these days: