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Trump University football would get annihilated by the NCAA, but at least it'd beat Rutgers

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Confrontational pumpkin Donald Trump,failed USFL owner and 1 a.m. self-Twitter-searcher who's pretending to run for president, is in about as much hot water as he's been in for decades, thanks to Trump University, a scam that was basically Scientology without dragons.

It's currently the subject of lawsuits and so forth for being a fake school, and I can see where it all went wrong. It didn't have a football team. How can you be a real American university without a football team?

The gimmick promised incredible wealth to all who signed on and committed more and more of themselves, which sounds like an industry standard college football recruiting pitch. So, it's conceivable Trump University's team could've gathered some serious talent. Putting it near New Jersey would put it in arguably the country's most available recruiting grounds.

And my Lord, the alluring facilities. Imagine the gold-and-pearl weight room and Trump Sparkling Cider cold tubs. Such pointless opulence would sway the nation's most premium four-star recruits. The university's infamous cardboard cutout of Trump would also be a brilliant workaround, as visiting recruits would be able to meet a representation of the former WWE participant without risking being insulted by him.

The Trump University Trumps quickly racking up wins on the field isn't hard to imagine. TU's schedule would likely consist of other frauds, and ones with less money, though, of course, Baylor would be very interested in scheduling an actual make-believe college. So, 10-win seasons out of the gates? I can see it.

However, even the NCAA would eventually do something about such a flagrant non-school. Academic eligibility would be a constant problem, seeing as the entire university earned a D- from the Better Business Bureau. Even if we put Trump U on the NCAA's half-decade UNC timetable, the team would only have a few years to leave its mark before being deleted along with the rest of its institution.

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