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Please listen to this amazing description of goths from Mike Leach

“Everything’s about spider webs and black hair, black this.”

God bless you, Washington State head coach Mike Leach. Ahead of Wazzu’s game at home against Colorado, ESPN interviewed the Cougs head coach about the walk he takes on his way to work, during which he passes a cemetery. Then came a glorious rant about goths, who apparently hang out in there.

“There’s all these goths, there’s like six goth people. Well, they’re more like between I’m gonna say 20 and 30-year-old goths. You know, they didn’t have school its not like they were skipping school. And who knows, I don’t know what they’re going to do ‘Hey how you guys doing, great cemetery up here!’ and they just kind of gave me a frowney goth look, and just sort of nodded. Because goths aren’t in good moods anyway, I mean everything’s about spider webs and black hair, black this — really white faces. So anyway, hopefully I made about six new friends, but they didn’t speak much, so.”

Not even joking, listening to this back made my cry laughing because, Jesus Christ, this man is a national treasure. Earlier this season during another game, he gave this hilarious totally off-the-wall response when he was asked about Boise State’s defense:

Back in 2012, he referred to his seniors as “zombie-like,” because how else would you expect to call them out?

"I think it's mixed. I think some it's stellar. I think Gino, Gino's a guy elected team captain this week. Came from not playing hardly at all to elected team captain. A lot of it is just he's kind of accelerated his focus and effort. Some of them have been great and some of them have been very poor. Some of them have had kind of this zombie-like, go through the motions, everything is like how it's always been, that's how it'll always be. Some of them quite honestly have an empty corpse quality. That's not pleasant to say or pleasant to think about, but that's a fact. That's why it's been necessary for us to have the youth moment that we've had."

He also is under the impression that aliens are very real. Bigfoot however, is definitely not.

Please never change, Coach Leach.