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THIS WEEK IN SCHADENFREUDE, where Chip Kelly replaces every coach

It’s your weekly tour of the most infuriated in college football internet.

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl - Oregon v Kansas State Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

The ninth week of the college football season was busy. It was especially so during the middle shift, when a bunch of games ended within a half hour and featured losses by No. 2 Penn State, No. 4 TCU, No. 16 Michigan State, and No. 17 USF. Also losing were a couple of mediocre SEC teams with big fan bases.

It’s This Week in Schadenfreude, Week 9, your tour of the angriest in CFB internet.

Texas A&M (lost 35-14 to Mississippi State)

This is your moment, TexAgs message boards.

This poster has a suggestion to replace the embattled Kevin Sumlin:

Texas A&M v Arkansas Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images

The rationale:

He couldn't be worse than what we have now.... Well, at least it would be entertaining.

This comment’s not made entirely in jest. It’s noted that Manziel is interested in coaching college football. Ironclad plan, IMO.

One suggestion is to simply replace the Texas A&M logo on the Aggies’ helmets with a different illustration:

Suggestions for new helmet decal? Mine is ole sarge sucking his toe

We are a joke. A consistent cursed joke. We don't learn from mistakes and continue to make them. Administrators, coaches, decisions, mishaps. All a joke. Notice I don't include players. It's not there fault. They are persuaded to come here and they are just following orders. I think a decal of ole sarge sucking his toe is perfectly acceptable to replace the ATM on our helmets. It's very fitting. Like i always say....Aggie Aggie does!

Some other expressions of postgame sadness:

Everything sucks and I want to die

I will have no liver to donate to our smoothies after tonight.

More beer for my tears.

Is someone calling for this team to hire Chip Kelly?

Yes, and it’s time the luxury box elites stop ignoring the former NFL head coach.

Chip Kelly - it's time

For everyone here sipping their scotch and smoking cigars cackling about hiring Morris - NO. ITS time to bring in a proven WINNER and get **** done!!! Get this man now

Florida (lost 42-7 to Georgia, then fired Jim McElwain)

The loss to Georgia was bad, but everyone knew what was going to happen before it did. We’ll fast-forward to Sunday, when the Gators finally cut McElwain loose.

The Gators are the preeminent open job in the country. There’s going to be lots of interest in hot, young, up-and-coming candidates, such as this guy:

Les miles

why is les miles not being considered. He's won in the sec and has won a national championship. He has proven himself unlike a lot of these coaches being named. We took risks on mac and will so why not go with a guy that knows the sec and what it takes to win

Another unique idea here:

Is anyone else calling for this team to hire Chip Kelly?

Too many to count. These are just from the AD’s mentions on Sunday afternoon:

Tennessee (lost 29-26 at Kentucky and didn’t fire Butch Jones)

Vols fans are trying to figure out if they, too, can get out of a coaching buyout by finding their coach might’ve said a falsehood in public. The good people at, regulars on this feature this year, wonder:

Can't we dig up some lies that Butch has said?

Surely he's told a lie or to while here. What about lying a hot dog bbq or something like Pearl did? Anything would be fine.

“I remwmber him saying he would win games,” one person responds.

“Best staff in the country,” another says.

Another poster wants to fire athletic director John Currie, who was just hired, because he’s waited too long to fire Jones. But another poster thinks Currie’s playing a long game:

Suspicion on Currie

I’ve been thinking through some of this stuff. Everyone is focused on John Currie firing Butch. He could be using this time to hook the next coach and could very well have that guy ready by the time Butch is dismissed. Which would actually be pretty clever seeing as how we would be examining his every move. Instead, the fans are focused on the “fire Butch” movement week to week. There is more to this story than meets the eye. I think he is using this time right now to land his guy. An AD’s legacy is always hinges on a big hire. He’s up to more than we know. Just a thought.

What’s the truth?

This next thing’s from before the Kentucky game, but I’m including it anyway. Here’s a thread about Florida State’s national championship-winning coach maybe wanting the Tennessee job. (He doesn’t.) Let’s follow along:

Rumors of Jimbo Fisher wants the Tennessee Job

Things are heating up down there in Tallahassee. Rumors swirling about Jimbo wants in on Tennessee. What are your thoughts?

Is that a joke? Maybe. I’m not certain. But these are serious replies:

  • “No Thanks.”
  • “No way. Jimbo has a far easier task in the ACC than in the SEC. fake news.”
  • “No thank you. I'd rather have Scott Frost. If Jimbo can't win with the talent they have at FSU, I doubt he can at Tennessee.”
  • “Gruden > Fisher”

Is someone calling for this team to hire Chip Kelly?

You know it.

Penn State (lost 39-38 at Ohio State)

At Rivals’ Blue and White Illustrated message board, one poster was sure that pollsters’ ANTI-PENN STATE BIAS would plummet the Nits down the rankings.

Here's How IT IS.

Any other team would fall 1 or 2 places, but because it's us look for a huge screwing and drop.

Penn State fell five places in the AP Poll, from No. 2 to 7. Previous top-five teams to lose games this year fell six spots (FSU), seven spots (Ohio State), 10 spots (USC), nine spots (Oklahoma), and six spots (Clemson).

Someone’s thoughts on offensive coordinator Joe Moorhead, whose team just scored 38 points against an elite defense and is averaging nearly 40 per game:

Franklin is the Guy for PSU but Moorhead's Offense Sucks

he sucks.

Here’s a, uh, unique comparison for James Franklin:

Is CJF College Football's version of Dusty Baker?

GREAT locker room guy, players love him, teams have good chemistry.

Also a lousy tactician without that instinct to know how to close a game out. This is now the 6th example of such a game in his Penn State career (Michigan 2014, Maryland 2014, Illinois 2014, Northwestern 2015, USC 2016, Ohio State 2017). Vanderbilt's losses to Tennessee in 2011, South Carolina in 2012, and Ole Miss in 2013 are examples from earlier in his career.

Last night looked painfully like the Reds 2012 NLDS loss to the Giants. It was RIGHT THERE! And we didn't seize the moment.

This person’s super mad about a former Pitt coach being on FOX’s on-site studio show, as he is every single week of the season:

Dave Wannstedt

Can we lead a charge to get this know-nothing marble mouth, PSU hater kicked off BTN. I mean really, he's the first guy to high five all the buckeye faithful????. Why is a no-nothing complete idiot Pitt wannabe, on Fox and BTN????? I absolutely hate this guy, he's dumb as a rock and pretty much always wrong. He's a homer for anything anti-Penn State. I cannot stand that man...................

At SB Nation’s Black Shoe Diaries, this commenter took the result well:

I am done watching Penn State.

Let’s be real if we don’t get into the CFP which we won’t now. There is no point anymore. You know why no one believes in us? Because we always do this shit. We look promising and then drop a game. No excuse when we were up by 15. The football god’s gifted us a special team TD and a nice fumble. The refs were decent. Our defense simply let us down. We can never just get it done. The defense blows a 15 point lead. Looked very amateur and Trace over threw it how many times? And the oline sucks. Fuck this team Fuck all the high hopes because they never get it done. Fuck football. No use in getting worked upover a silly fucken game with pampered athletes chasing a ball. That’s what dogs do

Is someone calling for this team to hire Chip Kelly?

Not that I could find. But less than two years ago, this guy was!

We all reach this again at one time or another.

Florida State (lost 35-3 to Boston College)

The Seminoles are 2-5. Their season is lost.

Boston College isn’t that bad. But losing to BC is still a come-to-Jesus moment for a lot of fans. See Louisville fans after the Eagles got their team a couple weeks earlier:

We’re going to do this again.

SB Nation presents, “A Series of Florida State Fans Publicly Reckoning with the Point that Their Team Just Lost to Boston College.”

We start while the act is still in progress and move more or less chronologically:

And perhaps the realest realization of all:

Is someone calling for this team to hire Chip Kelly?


One fan’s list of Jimbo Fisher replacements:

Chip Kelly (coming soon)

just to name a few...

Fisher’s buyout is roughly $40 million.