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THIS WEEK IN SCHADENFREUDE, a Michigan fan has a 3,200-word Big Ten conspiracy theory that stretches back to the days of Bo Schembechler, and a Penn State fan truthers the Big Ten East standings

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Your weekly tour of the most incensed in college football internet is back after a bye.

NCAA Football: Michigan at Wisconsin Jeff Hanisch-USA TODAY Sports

College football’s Week 12 wasn’t the most eventful of the season. It had no huge upsets, and a lot of teams were taking light jogs against bad teams before Rivalry Weekend.

But where there are football games, there are angry people. This post is about them.

First, a quick whip around a few sad fanbases.

BYU (lost at home to UMass)

And fell to 3-9, with the possibility of a 10th loss next week at Hawaii. Let’s sojourn to and see how everyone’s taking things.

One BYU fan identified the root of the problem:

The elephant in the room no one is talking about

millennials. Their indifference has doomed this program. It was a lazy and calculated do nothing.

They are to blame.

Perhaps true, insofar as literally all of BYU’s players are millennials. That’s defined as “a person reaching young adulthood in the early 21st century,” which is pretty much all college students, even the ones who’ve done Mormon missions beforehand, a factor that often makes BYU’s roster one of the country’s oldest.

Oklahoma State (lost 45-40 to Kansas State)

And fell out of the Big 12 title chase in the process.

Could the Pokes let Mike Gundy go and steal Tennessee’s guy?

As I have said in previous years, we will always be a good team with Gundy and crew but will never be a great team. I think playing for Pat Jones shows sometimes. I know he loves OSU he’s just a great head coach. Year after year this always happens. Zac Robinson at the Cotton Bowl., humiliating and that was after the awful UO game. I personally cannot name a game where the coaching was great. So I have no issue with him leaving. Let’s go for John Gruden. He’s my top pick, otherwise we will just be a good mediocre team.

Iowa (lost 24-15 to Purdue)

Fans got restless, and that was fine with this poster at

The fans in the stands booed and I was with them every time.

There’s at least one Iowan who should never be booed, this person adds:

Didn't like them booing the punter — that's a college kid out there.

Some Iowa fans are pretty much over Kirk Ferentz at this point.

Ferentz Fatigue

It has just worn so many of us down as fans, and there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel thanks to our AD. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to see if a Ferentz Fatigue medication exists.

This poster thinks Iowa should suspend the soccer team for a season to finance Ferentz’s buyout and make a change:

Yep. I went there. It’s time. Buy him out. Take the financial hit. I don’t care. Suspend soccer for a season to do it. Whatever it takes. DO IT.

This is the most vanilla, unimaginative program in the nation. It is boring. It is unproductive.

I won’t bring up money, I won’t bring up past success. College football is :What have you done lately?" And it hasn’t been much.

Ferentz will make $4.5 million per year through 2025, so he’s only got nine years and about $40.5 million left on his deal. And that seemed like such a good idea at the time.

Penn State (beat Nebraska but lost the Big Ten East race)

Because Ohio State clinched in a win over Nebraska. But can I interest you in some Big Ten East standings truthering? I’m not just writing about it. lived it.

(I didn’t respond for a bit.)

Michigan (lost 24-10 at Wisconsin)

That sealed the Wolverines as Big Ten East non-champions yet again.

I’m going to break my own rules at this point, and I’m going to feature something that got published the day before the game, because it’s still relevant.

Let’s head to and read the most throughly researched conspiracy theory of the college football season, courtesy of author “Michigan Nation.”

It’s 3,231 words, but here are the essentials of the piece titled, “This Football Season and a Possible Conspiracy by the Big Ten.” The gist: the Big Ten’s got long grudges against Michigan and Jim Harbaugh.

Now I know what many of you may be thinking. Here is another sports fan complaining about calls because his team hasn’t done well. While there are many out there like that, I promise you I am different. And I can prove it. How so? Through some facts and statistics! So now for the numbers and statistics for this season and last …

Some numbers mentioned: Michigan’s first in the Big Ten at racking up penalties (Ohio State is currently the Big Ten’s most penalized team, whether in all games or conference games only, and had more than Michigan entering Week 12) and last in opponent penalties (currently tied with Michigan State for last, two behind Northwestern) and finished near the bottom in penalty stats last year, too (in 2016 Big Ten games, Michigan was No. 9 of 14 at avoiding flags and No. 9 in opponent flags).

More fishy stuff:

Last year against Ohio State, we sacked them eight times. Yet, they didn’t get called for even one holding penalty. And trust me there were holds there. You can re-watch the game if you like. Keep in mind that Ohio State also ran the ball 50 times that game. By the way, Ohio State also had a very young offensive line that year. So even though they ran the ball 50 times we still managed to sack them eight times! Yet, they played such a clean game that they didn’t hold even once.

A similar stat — 13 tackles for loss but no Minnesota holding penalties in a game this year — is mentioned next. And the evidence just continues to mount:

Against Minnesota, one of our players, Josh Mettalus, was ejected for the game after a scuffle. He threw no punches nor said anything. If you are going to say he was ejected for talking trash then I think there should have been many ejections that game, no? Hell, probably every game. But this wasn’t the first time this has happened. If you are a Michigan fan you well know that we have gotten the worst end of ejections ever since Jimmy got here.

Especially targeting penalties while our opponents have blatantly gotten away with targeting, late hits, and unsportsmanlike. Three examples out of the top of my head are the Joe Bolden ejection against MSU, the late hit on Brandon Watson by Mike Weber during the 2016 Michigan vs. OSU game, and the late hit/targeting that got Wilton Speight hurt this year.

There’s an obligatory section about the J.T. Barrett spot in 2016, and a sense that Michigan’s pile of injuries this year is due to the Big Ten not protecting its players.

You can say that Jim Harbaugh teams are undisciplined. (Although I think 49ers and Stanford players and fans will disagree with that along with those from Michigan). But even so, why is it that for the past two years our opponents play such a clean game against us? It’s almost like we bring out the best from every team.

P.S. If you watch the games you will know this isn’t true. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. They play their most undisciplined and dirtiest games against us. And I know why, because they know they will get away with it. Hell, there is a reason why we have had at least 21 guys hurt this year. You can say we are a young team this year. But then explain last year when we had 42 seniors on the team and were one of the most experienced but still got the worst end of everything according to statistics.

We’re all directed to watch this monologue by political talk radio host Steve Deace:

Is Michigan getting screwed vis a vis Ohio State in crossover Big Ten scheduling? PERHAPS.

Now, they say a computer does the scheduling. But I highly doubt that Jim Delaney doesn’t have a significant say in who plays who. For example, Michigan in a six-year span (2016-2021) will have to play Wisconsin every year (six times), Iowa 2two times, and Nebraska two times as their cross-division teams. We all know that Wisconsin is the toughest team from the division, Iowa is the second toughest, and Nebraska is one of the easiest.

Now how many times did Ohio State get to play Wisconsin and Iowa during this same period? They play Wisconsin and Iowa twice each during that six-year span. But want to know how many times they play Nebraska? That’s right, six times.

Years ago, the Big Ten foresaw how bad Nebraska would be under Mike Riley and intervened to grease Ohio State’s schedule. The Big Ten probably even added the five-time national champion Huskers to the conference for this reason.

Why would the Big Ten do this? It’s simple, and it goes back to Bo Schembechler’s reign:

Rumors have it that Jim Delaney wanted Michigan to do something to increase revenue for the Big Ten, BO and Michigan officials objected because of the great tradition at Michigan. Ever since then Jim Delaney has had a disliking for Michigan. Even though we generate the most revenue and viewership ratings across the country. That disliking was amplified when coach Jim Harbaugh came into town and objected against playing college football on Fridays because Fridays should be reserved for the young guns in high school.

No treatise is complete without a CALL TO ACTION.

1) Put pressure on Warde Manuel and Dr. Mark Schlissel to grow spines and openly address the issue and for them to put pressure on the Big Ten.

I’ve already drafted an email.

2) Start boycotting sponsors of the Big Ten. We will need to make a list of sponsors.

Fuck off, Dr. Pepper.

3) Start a campaign to investigate the Big Ten. Either through the NCAA or private investigators or public investigators.

The hairs on the back of my neck are standing upright.

4) Use our leverage (most viewership and revenue generating school) and possibly leave the Big Ten as a whole.

Michigan to the Pac-12!

5) Consider possible lawsuits that will require dispositions from Big Ten officials and refs as well as require subpoenas into any related documents.

Get Alan Dershowitz on the horn right now.

6) Root against and support opponents of Big Ten teams other than Michigan.

Michigan fans are now rooting for Ohio State this weekend.

7) Start social media campaigns that highlight every bad or missed call by Big Ten officials.

This is already happening, but good. Let’s continue it.

8) Make sure that Jim Harbaugh doesn’t stop his criticism of the officials and Big Ten. That way we can ensure that he isn’t silenced, in sense.

I’m sure he won’t!

9) Have recruits who are fair, honest, and have integrity start to call out the Big Ten refs.

Make the moral case. It will move them.

10) Keep a count of bad/no calls made by officials. Tally it up by their names. Research their backgrounds and any possible allegiances to a specific school and how they treated their rivals or opponents.

This always leads to a just conclusion.

Michigan had four penalties for 28 yards at Wisconsin, compared to four for 35 yards committed by the Badgers.