Here was the situation for Florida State’s head coach in December 2014: stragglers awash on Hair Island with dwindling supplies.
Hope was scant. The tide rose. FSU fans complained every time Jimbo didn’t wear a hat. Recruits could see his skull.
Florida and Miami fans had lols, because Will Muschamp and Al Golden had abundant hairstyles that jiggled in the breeze and/or during spasms of sideline rage and also because Florida and Miami fans had nothing else to celebrate at the time. Jimbo’s hairline betrayed no emotion whatsoever. It couldn’t afford to.
Fisher on last year: "I lost a lot more hair. A lot more. I'm gonna have to get something plugged in up there."— David Visser (@DavidBVisser) February 5, 2015
Seven scant months later, Hair Island had bloomed into a booming Hair Peninsula.
Experts were calling it one of the greatest resurrections in environmental history, but they had no idea how lush the future was.
Dear Leader’s hair had always been this mighty and populous.
A month after that, a little favorable lighting had Jimbo looking like he had Hair Grand Theft Auto 5 Map on his head.
I mean wow. Fisher hasn't had this much hair since he was just a coordinator. pic.twitter.com/iJ6raymmWF— Bud Elliott (@BudElliott3) August 6, 2015
Looking like he’s damn Dracula with strong opinions about special teams!
We, as always, took things too far.
One year after our story began, FSU players were still reveling in the rebirth.
Look at the holiday season delight brought to these faces by the Hair Subcontinent.
Jimbo hair growing back pic.twitter.com/fPcOqnN41E— DeMarcus Walker (@livinglegend_44) December 29, 2015
In summer 2016, Jimbo looked roughly 1,000 years younger than he had in 2014.
Seriously, y’all, this right here was Hair Pangaea.
The recovery was complete, we thought.
This is Jimbo’s own, growing hair that he can comb, cut, style, do whatever he wants with. The results he has achieved have been exceptional. He cuts this hair. He washes this hair. He messes this hair up if he wants to mess this hair up. He can’t explain to you the way that it makes him feel to wear his hear down — to go out on a sideline and have confidence again. This is his hair. This is his ... hair.
Look at him at the ACC’s July 2017 media event, crowned by an old-growth forest of about 30 months age.
And yet, more adversity was to come for Jimbo.
The $75 million man has once again retreated to an island, this time a rich man’s lonely seastead in a secret body of water near College Station, Texas.
We still believe in you, Jimbo. You can get this corrected.