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College football’s Week 2 is pretty light. Some games would be way better as mascot fights!

It’d make these games way more intriguing.

Getty/USA Today Images

This week’s slate of college football games is, well, very underwhelming — in all, there’s just two ranked vs. ranked matchup, in Stanford-USC and Georgia-South Carolina.

So to make the rest of these little games interesting, I decided to group them by intriguing matchups, as if they were just a mascot vs. mascot battle royale.

We’ve got some really evenly matched battles.

William & Mary Tribe vs. Virginia Tech Hokies: The Tribe’s mascot is a griffin — I didn’t know what a griffin initially was, so I Googled to find out. Folks, it’s a dang mythical creature that has an eagle’s head with a lion’s body!

William & Mary and Photo by Michael Shroyer/Getty Images

Yeah, this matching up with a Hokie, a turkey that “conveys power and strength,” per VT. Personally I prefer Urban Dictionary’s definition, an “ass-kicking chicken.”

Appalachian State Mountaineers vs. Charlotte 49ers: The 49ers mascot just kinda looks like a jacked, bearded dude who wears a floppy hat:

Wake Forest v UNC Charlotte Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images

App State’s Mountaineer mascot is essentially the same concept, but with a longer beard and a flannel shirt:

NCAA Football: Wake Forest at Appalachian State Jeremy Brevard-USA TODAY Sports

Would be a pretty solid battle, IMO.

Southeastern Louisiana Lions vs. LSU Tigers: I’m not sure which would have the advantage, but according to The Huffington Post, a tiger has the advantage.

Texas Southern Tigers vs. Texas State Bobcats: Two cats go at it! I’m guessing the advantage would go to the tiger, based on size and speed.

UNC Tar Heels vs. East Carolina Pirates: For whatever reason I thought a Tar Heel was more than just a North Carolina resident, but turns out I’m wrong on that. A pirate could definitely win in a matchup against a North Carolinian.

New Mexico State Aggies vs. Utah State Aggies: It might seem these two programs would have the same mascot, but Utah State’s got a big ole’ blue mascot on the sidelines for its games.

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl - Akron v Utah State Photo by Loren Orr/Getty Images

I’m taking a bull over this NMSU dude:

New Mexico State v Clemson Photo by Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images

UTEP Miners vs. UNLV Rebels: These two guys both wear hats and they’re western as hell — the one advantage I would give UTEP is that he has this giant pickaxe:

Ivan Pierre Aguirre-USA TODAY Sports and Stephen R. Sylvanie-USA TODAY Sports

Some of these are pretty unfair, though.

Maine Black Bears vs. Western Kentucky Hilltoppers: GUYS, BIG RED IS GONNA GET EATEN BY A BEAR! HELLLLPPPPPPP!

NCAA Basketball: Battle 4 Atlantis-Villanova vs Western Kentucky Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

Wagner Seahawks vs. Syracuse Orange: Easy victory for Wagner’s mascot, an osprey, here. I mean seriously, is there anything more less intimidating than the Orange’s mascot?

NCAA Football: Syracuse at Western Michigan Raj Mehta-USA TODAY Sports

UAB Blazers vs. Coastal Carolina Chanticleers: If you don’t know what a Chanticleer is, it’s basically a fictional bird that sounds like a rooster. Here’s more from Coastal Carolina’s website:

The Chanticleer is a proud and fierce rooster who dominates the barnyard. For the best description of Chanticleer, we turn to Chaucer’s words. “For crowing there was not his equal in all the land. His voice was merrier than the merry organ that plays in church, and his crowing from his resting place was more trustworthy than a clock. His comb was redder than fine coral and turreted like a castle wall, his bill was black and shone like a jet, and his legs and toes were like azure. His nails were whiter than the lily and his feathers were like burnished gold.” With all of his splendor and great looks, Chanticleer is also greatly feared and mightily respected by all.

Coastal Carolina v Wisconsin Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

Yeah, but a Blazer is a dragon, so advantage: UAB.

UAB v UCLA Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images

Southern Illinois Salukis vs. Ole Miss Rebels: A Saluki is a dog whose origins date back to Sumeria:

West Virginia Mountaineers v Southern Illinois Salukis Photo by Brian Bahr/Getty Images

But a dog is no match for A SHARK NAMED TONY THAT CAN FIGHT ON LAND!

NCAA Football: Mississippi at Texas Tech Thomas B. Shea-USA TODAY Sports

We’ve got some bird matchups, too!

Air Force Falcons vs. FAU Owls: I don’t trust Owls whatsoever, so that’s my pick.

NCAA Football: North Texas at Florida Atlantic Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports

ULM Warhawks vs. Southern Mississippi Eagles: Anything with the name “war” in it’s name is instantly given an advantage.

Incarnate Word Cardinals vs. North Texas Mean Green: North Texas’ mascot is literally named Scrappy the Eagle, so I’m going with North Texas.

North Texas v Kansas State Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

Portland State Vikings vs. Oregon Ducks: Obviously the Viking has the edge here, unless The Duck RUNS HIM OVER WITH A MOTORCYCLE!

NCAA Football: Arizona at Oregon Scott Olmos-USA TODAY Sports

Florida A&M Rattlers vs. Troy Trojans: Sure, Trojans may have swords, but rattlesnakes are rattlesnakes.

Arkansas Razorbacks vs. Colorado State Rams: Both have sharp pointy things on their heads to use to their advantage, but I guess a ram would have more speed.

Sure, maybe these games this week wouldn’t be as exciting as these one-on-one matchups would be, but it’s still fun to pretend.

Did I miss any juicy mascot battles this week? Drop ‘em in the comments below!