Nick Saban is very much alive, but if you wouldn’t know it if you went past the statue of his on the University of Alabama campus. Fans have been turning the statue into a shrine since Saban announced his retirement this week, leaving all sorts of messages and offerings to their football God — as if it was a holy temple.
Naturally there’s plenty of Coke and Oatmeal Creme Pies, two of Saban’s favorite things — but some fans got a little more creative with their offerings, and it’s here things got a little odd.
No. 1: A 3⁄4 eaten bag of Sour Power Candy Belts from Buc-ee’s
I love an item that has a story. I need to know everything about this candy. Was this purchased with the intent of the entire bag going to Saban, but the purchaser got hungry along the way? Was this someone passing, munching on their Sour Power Candy Belts and thought “I’ll leave the rest for coach”?
There’s no evidence Saban liked this candy, but it placed lovingly, and with care. Godspeed, almost empty bag of candy.
No. 2: A bag of ice
This just shows no forethought. It’s in the high 50s in Tuscaloosa right now. Even if the general concept here is “you need some ice for your Coke, coach” it’s still just going to be a sopping wet bag of water by lunchtime.
No. 3: An empty 1.5L bottle of Barefoot Moscato
I don’t know what’s worse here: That someone just left an empty bottle, or that someone consumed 1.5L of Barefoot Moscato. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a wine snob when it comes to brand — and a cheap 1.5L bottle has its place, it’s just that Moscato is sweet and gross as hell.
No. 4: A single Four Loko
Actually, you know what? I get it. I assume most ‘Bama fans consume more Four Loko than water, so this all tracks.
No. 5: A duck
Why is there a duck? I don’t know, but someone had an extra duck and decided to give it to the Saban statue.
No. 6: A slice of congealed pizza
There’s probably a story behind this. Maybe it’s from Saban’s favorite joint near campus. Perhaps it’s from a Tuscaloosa institution. It also wouldn’t surprise me if someone just had an extra slice after a bender and decided to drop it off at the memorial. Also, I’ve been trying for a solid 10 minutes to work out what the green and white object is on top of the slice, but to no avail.
No. 7: A Chick-Fil-A gift card
This one really puzzles me. It’s not like the Saban statue can use this, so what’s the point? The entire purpose of a gift card is to be the last-second gift when you can’t think of something crafted to an individual. I guess this might also be a random wallet item.
No. 8: A Halloween novelty wine glass
It looks like a little pumpkin! How cute!
No. 9: Grillo’s Pickles sitting on top of a bundt cake pan
Don’t get me wrong, these are some high-quality pickles. If you’ve never had Grillo’s, then I highly recommend. That said, I don’t get the Saban link here. They’re from Boston, and made using an old Italian family recipe. Saban is neither from Boston, nor Italian.
I assume the bundt cake pan is just along for the ride. It’s a little pickle altar.
No. 10: A “Get Well Soon” balloon
I like to imagine this was left by a student who was on their way to see Mee Maw in the hospital as she recovers from pneumonia, but instead decided to leave it for Saban. Sorry, Mee Maw, but coach comes first.
No. 11: Whatever the hell this is
Is this a rolled up sheet metal sign? The chimney from a BBQ smoker? Is it a wine cooler? I honestly have no idea, outside the fact some random message has been spray painted on it. Whatever it is, I’m sure Nick Saban will love it.