I got married.
Not like the marriage I've had to my keepers, but to an actual, carbon-based woman. It's really cool. Way better than my rocky keeper-marriages with Cordarrelle Patterson, Lamar Miller and Percy Harvin. Maybe they're rocky because I'm a fantasy polygamist. Next year, I'll go stag to reverse my karma.
This is the first advice column I've written in two weeks, but for fantasy owners, that is a good thing. I had been preparing for my wedding this past weekend, and although I've proven savvy enough to basically coax a wonderful woman into spending the rest of her days with me, I wasn't confident enough in my ability to dole out advice to fake general managers. Because, priorities.
If you were interested in any non-fantasy related words of wisdom, I don't have any. I've been married less than a week and the ceremony, reception and after party was all a blur. I can conclude the following, though, so apply it however you can to your life: When you're at the ceremony and about to do the cheesy take-the-garter-belt-from-your-wife tradition, do not pretend to put an invisible snorkel on right before you go for it. She will not think it's nearly as funny as you do.
Let's talk fantasy football.
There's no reason to expect Ray Rice or Adrian Peterson to play a down of football anytime soon, so that's a resounding no. In fact, if I was the commissioner of your league, I wouldn't be opposed to seeing if we could all reach an agreement to keep sticky-waiver-claimy hands off those guys altogether.
As for Victor Cruz, you need to ask how healthy will he be, and would his projected stats make the price worth keeping him a bargain? Let's talk about health for a second. Big Blue View, SB Nation's New York Giants website, did some digging:
Orthopedic surgeon Dr. Kyle Flik said Monday that "it is certainly possible for him to recover fully," but that return to the same level of excellence Cruz had displayed the past three-plus seasons would be "a fantastic outcome."
"It's going to be a similar duration of rehab as an ACL. The patellar tendon is outside of the joint, that's good," Flik said. "If nothing else is damaged you can make a full recovery, but definitely it will take its toll on him to some degree.
"He's going to have a lot of rehab ahead of him."
Sound promising? Didn't think so. Cruz's injury cannot be downplayed, and it's unfortunate to say that we may have seen the last of his good days on the field. It's risky to sacrifice a spot on your roster for a player who won't see the field this year, let alone one who may never reclaim his dominance. Because of that, you have to focus more on the present than the future.
@TheSackSBN Dan, a big, big congratulations on tying the knot! ... now what the f*** do I do about Cam Newton?— MTL (@MatthewTLego) October 13, 2014
"Hey, Dan! Congrats on the matrimony. Why is Cam Newton's stat line misbehaving?"
"Hey, jerkface! Cool that you tied the knot, I guess. And more like DAMN Newton, amirite?"
"Eat a grenade, I'm starting Derek Anderson every week."
SAY WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO SAY, MATT :)
@TheSackSBN I keep picking wrong between Newton and Roethlisberger. Whoever's on the bench has a 30+ pt game. Can you set me straight?— MTL (@MatthewTLego) October 13, 2014
Even middling quarterbacks usually do enough to keep teams afloat, but you're in a unique situation that's dealt with two extremes. Not to knock Newton's passing ability, but his fantasy value is only going to go as far as his legs take him. And despite Vontaze Burfict's ill-natured efforts, they'll take him pretty far now that they're healthy. And since he carried the ball 17 times, it's pretty apparent that Carolina Panthers brass thinks its guy is back. Fantasy owners should all agree, and that makes Newton the quarterback to start going forward, barring any injury. Ben Roethlisberger's a fine backup to have in the meantime.
@TheSackSBN how do you feel about antone smith? Worth a try on wire for either Pierre Thomas, zac stacy or Andre Williams?— Keith Rocero (@Keithis11) October 13, 2014
How do I feel about a player who's averaging 15.0 yards per touch?
Take off your blankets and puffy winter coats, because there's a scorching hot take coming your way. You can pretty much crack an egg over it and fry it on the spot, that's how nuclear this upcoming take on him is. Get ready:
But guess what? You know what's not swell? His usage. Even though Antone Smith's hit nothing but home runs, he's not getting the at-bats he deserves. Mike Smith is Thomas Jones-ing us with Steven Jackson, and fantasy football has to suffer for it because Mike Smith hates cool stuff. I don't trust a coach who wears sandals in the office. Would you? I would love to stash Antone Smith in 12-team leagues, screenshot my lineup, blow it up into a picket sign and hold it in the air at Falcons practices, while wearing the exact opposite of sandals. Wingtips?
But until I win the lottery and can afford to buy shoes and do pointless crap at Kinko's, I'll just treat Antone Smith as a solid handcuff of the Carlos Hyde/Khiry Robinson variety. He's not start-able unless something happens to Jackson, and in no way would I want him on my roster over your current running back stable of Thomas, Stacy or Williams. You're just fine for now.
@TheSackSBN PPR Trade: Cutler & Torrey Smith for Rashad Jennings & Sam Watkins. Have Rodgers+Cam @ QB & Megatron, Edelman & Steve Smith @ WR— Randy Randerson (@KrownCity) October 14, 2014
@TheSackSBN I'm thin at RB, Ellington Morris, Ryan Matthews and Hillman.— Randy Randerson (@KrownCity) October 14, 2014
It's an unsexy move, but it's one I'd make. Torrey Smith's value isn't going to get much higher this season, so if you have a league-mate who thinks he or she's getting in early on a big payout, go ahead and let it happen. Chances are Smith isn't anything higher than a WR3 on your roster, and Watkins is an upgrade who hasn't even scraped his potential yet. Smith's 4/51/2 line is exactly what his owners need to get a decent return on him.
Plus, you're bolstering your running-back position with Jennings, who expects to return after the Giants' Week 8 bye. Though your backfield isn't as miserable as you think, getting Jennings out of the hands of your owners is just as much of a win as owning him in the first place. At the end of the trade, you're left with three feature backs, remaining depth at quarterback and an upgrade at receiver. That's extremely cool.