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Making a team out of minor-league free agents

The goal is simple. Here's a list of minor-league free agents. Your goal is to make a team out of them, write their names down on a piece of paper, and mail it back through time to 2008, just to mess with someone. Include a note that reads, "Your team is going to have the payroll to sign all these guys before 2014! All of them!"

Because these guys were all going to be stars at one point, dang it. Here is the Minor League Free Agent All-Star Team of Unfair Expectations. No fair using guys like Dontrelle Willis or Jonathan Sanchez, who were once successful. `

C - J.R. Towles
1B - Matt Laporta
2B - Ivan De Jesus, Jr.
SS - Reid Brignac
3B - Andy Marte
LF - Fernando Martinez
CF - Gorkys Hernandez
RF - Jeremy Hermida

SP - Mark Rogers
SP - Tim Alderson
SP - Daniel McCutchen
SP - Loek Van Mil
SP - Fautino De Los Santos

CP - Jose Ceda

Hermida and Brignac are the ones that still get me. Thought they were going to be stars.

And I don't think Van Mil was ever a top-100 prospect, but he is 7'1", so he makes the team because I want to watch him pitch.