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The fascinating, unattainable Alfredo Despaigne

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Please, Cuba. Just let us have Alfredo Despaigne. You can have ... John Jaha. Oh, and Michael Cuddyer. There you go, perfect fascinating players. All yours in this cultural exchange. All we need is Despaigne.

If you don't know who Despaigne is, you can start from the bottom here and work your way up. He's 1.4 Altuves, and he set the all-time Cuban home-run record last season.

Now, courtesy of Internet gadfly Carson Cistulli, there is another Despaigne video to be found. Forget the first two videos in that post. If Cistulli had bothered to check the pulse of Despaigne fetishists on the Internet, he would have seen that there were GIFs already, sucker! But thanks to Cistulli, we have amazing new footage:

I ... I can't. This is more compelling than the World Series will ever be. C'mon, Obama. Surgical strike. Order some SEALs to jump in and help us out.

Or if you're partial to GIFs ...

Oh, man, I can hear the old white people getting mad from here. That is the Sistine Chapel of dinger-watching. In case my messages-in-bottles don't get there, Alfredo, please, come over. You will be appreciated.