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Thanks For The Opening Ceremony Context, NBC

The Opening Ceremony was tape-delayed on Friday (then tape-delayed again on the West Coast), and one would assume that NBC didn't utilize its live-stream capabilities because it wanted to snatch up as much primetime dollars as it could. NBC will be airing the Olympics live on its website throughout the next two weeks, but not so with the Opening Ceremony, something most wanted to see unfold as it happened. It had to be a money grab, right?

But wait! Let's remember the reason NBC gave for the tape-day and marvel at how our intelligence is insulted.

Here's the statement again:

"They are complex entertainment spectacles that do not translate well online because they require context, which our award-winning production team will provide for the large primetime audiences that gather together to watch them."

Ah. That clears it all up. They just needed to add context.

You know, like telling us to Google Tim Berners-Lee, inventor of the Internet World Wide Web. Or exclaiming that Queen Elizabeth is daring because she's jumping out of a helicopter to make a grand entrance in an obvious taped segment and faked segment. Or telling us the Queen is clapping wildly and highly-entertained as she stares at the ceremony expressionless, looking like it's nap time. Or noting that teenagers text during the technology portion of ceremony. Or that Madagascar is associated with a few huge animated movies. Or the hard-hitting Ryan Seacrest interview with Michael Phelps. Or that soccer is called football everywhere else in the world. Or ... you get the idea. It's the type of context one could get from Wikipedia.

That context must've been incredibly important for West Coast viewers, who waited another three hours to see the Opening Ceremony broadcast. Surely it was because NBC was adding even more context to the event for viewers on the left coast. It was just chock-full of context. Oozing with context -- so much that it made our heads swim with context-filled goodness.

Context is the most bullshit form of reasoning NBC could've used. We get it: They wanted the Opening Ceremony to run during the primetime window. The number of commercials was a clear indicator; They had to be squeezed in because they add to the context, of course.

That statement above is a cherry on top of an insult-filled sundae. It started when NBC teased the Opening Ceremony with "exclusive" videos before the East Coast broadcast and continued throughout the night. But hey, thanks for the context.