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Auburn football has the most complicated motivational poster ever

You are not smart enough to figure out how to lift weights at Auburn.


More complicated than even Houston Nutt's Circle of Excellence itself, it's Auburn's ATHLETIC PERFORMANCE Pyramid, which teaches you how to lift weights at Auburn:

It has at least three different arcing components, counting the outer and inner pyramids and bricks as different paths to be ventured upon during one's course to PERFORMANCEhood.

You could spend your whole life trying to become proficient at combining AUBURN FOOTBALL ATHLETIC PERFORMANCE with COMPETITIVE EXCELLENCE and FIST, while also establishing base competence at RING THE BELL!, but have you even begun assembling your inner brick wall of gibberish? That's no way to learn how to lift weights at Auburn.

But even that's overlooking the fact that "ATD" and "F.B.I." could each contain another system of visions and allegories about learning how to lift weights at Auburn. Maybe the "B." in that "F.B.I." itself stands for "Brick wall inside the anagram on the brick wall," with one of those bricks being another set of pyramids entirely. Do you see?

We've only scratched the surface of learning how to lift weights at Auburn. It's the Scientology of squatting. I feel like you and I should go into business together, selling people on this plan -- not on how to use it, but on how to interpret it. Do you think that would be a good idea?

HT Brandon Marcello