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The List: A comprehensive roundup of unsportsmanlike NFL celebrations

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Make sure you don't celebrate excessively.

Patrick McDermott

We learned, via Deadspin and PFT, that the NFL has added "ball-spinning" to its list of banned celebrations. We learned in the process that there is already a long list of specific celebrations worthy of an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. The list is expansive, but not exhaustive (it begins with "these acts include but are not limited to"), which is confusing. For clarity's sake, we at SB Nation have taken it upon ourselves to suss out every single unwelcome celebration. What follows is a more comprehensive list, leaving no doubt.

PROHIBITED ACTS TO BE PENALIZED WITH UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT

- Sack dances

- Home run swing

- Showing bunt

- Incredible Hulk

- Human Torch

- The Bartman

- Mike Lupica (not a dance, just Mike Lupica)

- Spiking the ball

- Spinning the ball

- Gnawing the ball

- Confiding in the ball

- Throwing or shoving the ball

- Pointing

- Pointing the ball

- Pointing at the ball and berating the ball; saying the ball is a bad ball

- Hugging the goalpost a little too long

- "Wizard things"

- Verbal taunting

- Military salute

- Jenga (stacking teammates into array, removing one, and watching whole structure fall into pile while screaming "JENGAAAAAAA")

- Standing over an opponent (prolonged and with provocation)

- Whistling in a way that makes all the dogs from miles around rush onto the field

- Repainting the endzone in seasonal colors

- The Keurig (head glows blue and you spit out one perfect cup of coffee)

- Printing out "TOUCHDOWN" on old dot matrix printer you hid in the goalpost padding

- Pulling out two folding chairs, sitting in one and placing the ball in the other, crossing a leg, asking the ball what it was like to work with Kubrick

- Climbing the goalpost and refusing to come down until somebody gets you with a ladder

- Digging a big stupid hole

- Pulling out a box of lanyards and badges reading CHUMP-ASS SEMINAR 2013 and issuing them to your opponents

- Spray-painting "CROSSFIT" on field

- Releasing a disgruntled seagull from your sleeve

- Trick-or-treating

- Leaping into crowd and then just laying on fans without responding to repeated pleas to move or blink

- Dancing like how you imagine a rotisserie chicken might dance

- Dancing

Spencer Hall and Jon Bois contributed to this list.