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'Logo Lastname' is ESPN's fictional and terrifying quarterback

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Logo Lastname isn't a quarterback, he's a concept. He's ethereal, and light as a feather. He's the Keyser Soze of the NFL; a player that only appears each autumnal equinox for three days before disappearing again. He can only be summoned with a human sacrifice. Logo Lastname is the 33rd starting quarterback in the NFL.

You won't find out about Logo Lastname with a simple Google search or trip to Pro Football Reference. His presence is only acknowledged by hushed whispers on the deep web, where we found this information.

  • An anonymous scouting report from 1972 said that Logo Lastname didn't have the grit or determination to be an NFL starter. The scout was found dead the next week.
  • Logo Lastname is Skip Bayless' first, third and seventh favorite player in the NFL.
  • He once lost a job to Caleb Hanie, but only because he needed to travel back in time to stop the Cuban Missile Crisis.
  • ESPN's QBR is a metric to determine how close a quarterback is to Logo Lastname.
  • There's only been one recorded video of Logo Lastname, shot in Bolivia.
  • He has been hit 264 times, but he hit himself 265 times.