Tony the Tiger has a Twitter account.
As you can see, the account it is verified, so you know that these tweets are actually the thoughts of Tony the Tiger, a fictional cartoon tiger who loves eating sugary cereal.
In these tweets, Tony the Tiger makes it clear he likes sports. This makes sense, because recent Frosted Flakes ads have centered around maintaining an active lifestyle, presumably so we feel better about the idea of eating a product that is literally corn flakes coated in sugar.
However, what's fascinating to me is not merely that it has been decided that Tony likes sports. It's that Tony is just a generic sports fan. He does not have any favorite teams. He does not have any favorite players. He never has any observations. He just wants you to know that he is watching sports, enjoys watching sports, and likes the idea of watching sports.
1. Tony the Tiger tweets generically about sports
He loves #ProFootball!
Name your top 5 players. Go! #ProFootball— Tony the Tiger (@realtonytiger) October 26, 2014
He loves #CollegeFootball!
More than halfway through the #collegefootball season. How’s your team doing?— Tony the Tiger (@realtonytiger) October 25, 2014
He loves great games between teams!
2. Tony the Tiger tweets about specific sporting events, while making zero comments about the actual sporting event
Sometimes Tony will tweet about events that are actually happening, as they're happening.
Never invite tennis players to a house party – they always make too much racket. #FrenchOpenJokes— Tony the Tiger (@realtonytiger) May 27, 2014
What about the Kentucky Roller Derby? #HorsesOnSkates— Tony the Tiger (@realtonytiger) May 3, 2014
It should be noted that none of these tweets are actually about the sporting events in question. Rather, they're terrible jokes about the sports in question. If you were seriously watching a sporting event with a friend and they made these jokes, you would tell them to shut up.
3. Tony the Tiger tweets about how he is a tiger who likes/plays sports, and therefore finds different things interesting than humans who like/play sports
Tony likes sports teams that are cat-like!
Also, when he plays sports, sometimes it's difficult because he's a tiger!
Sometimes I wish golf balls were made of yarn. #LetsGetOnThisScientists— Tony the Tiger (@realtonytiger) April 12, 2014
WE GET IT. YOU'RE A TIGER, AND SPORTS ARE HARD. MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE MORE GRATEFUL OF THE FACT THAT YOU'RE THE ONLY TIGER IN THE WORLD THAT CAN WALK ON TWO LEGS AND TALK AND COMMUNICATE WITH HUMANS INSTEAD OF CONSTANTLY WHINING ABOUT HOW OUR HUMAN SPORTS ARE DIFFICULT. GO PLAY TIGER SPORTS, LIKE HUNTING WATER BUFFALO AND BOARS
4. Jesus, Tony the Tiger is terrible at fantasy football
Tony the Tiger's football team sucks and it's bad and it's terrible:
I think Fantasy Football should be called Not-So-Fantasy Football after looking over my team. #SomebodyHelp— Tony the Tiger (@realtonytiger) September 7, 2014
This is the worst joke about fantasy football ever told.
Forgot to switch up my #fantasyfootball players. Grrr.— Tony the Tiger (@realtonytiger) October 18, 2013
It sure is Relatable for Tony to have a fantasy football team! And be awful at it! There are millions of fantasy football teams and very few of them are in first place, and it'd be really screwed up if Tony kept tweeting "hahahaaaaaa suck it my team is in first place, why am I so good at fantasy football I'm a Tiger rawrrrr." But we're getting depressed here.
Tony did terribly in his bracket pool, too:
The amazing thing to me is that this is not a new strategy, or something Frosted Flakes is trying out. They have been sending out these out for over a year, never breaking character. Here's the first few Tony tweets:
It should be noted that we get what is happening here. Having a fake tiger tweeting about sports is a good way to remind people about the cereal brand that tiger is associated with which makes people buy the cereal. And the fact that he's not just talking about sugariness makes us forget that this cereal is not particularly healthy. And these tweets can't actually be critical of a team, because then you run the risk of, say, a Cowboys fan being like "WTF I'M NEVER BUYING FROSTED FLAKES AGAIN AFTER TONY THE TIGER TWEETED ABOUT TONY ROMO LAST NIGHT," and plus the company has deals with certain players and teams and probably cant mention other teams.
That said. So long as Tony the Tiger continues to tweet out horrible, horrible awful, horrible generic tweets about sports, we will laugh. And eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch, because Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the bomb.