Alex Rodriguez allegedly peed on his cousin's floor. That's the headline, and we're not being deceptive. A-Rod is in a tiff/death struggle with his cousin, Yuri Sucart, former assistant and drug mule, and Sucart's wife is talking. From a New York Daily News exclusive exposé:
She said Rodriguez came to the Miami home Rodriguez provided to the Sucarts in 2010 and vowed to destroy the family if they went public with his use of performance-enhancing drugs. Then he urinated on the floor, she said, as if to mark the house as his territory.
With help from the ominous-sounding SB Nation Superlab, we have jokes.
The worst part is that the rug really tied the room together.
Sucart knew something was up when he came home and the entire house totally smelled like steroids.
Tinkles to Evers to Chance.
It took him several minutes to start peeing because he doesn't perform well under pressure.
"A teary Sucarte revealed the details of that day, noting that 'He started peeing right in the centaur of the room.'"
Boy, Alex Rodriguez sure puts the pee in PEDs.
Derek Jeter probably knows how to pee the right way. Like, in a toilet. No, seriously, he does.
Because he has PEE2PECT for other people.
Good thing he hit the floor, because if any of that stuff got on a houseplant, well ...
Something to do with this GIF:
You figure out the joke part. Maybe something about Gold Gloves.
We just added this to the SB Nation StoryStream, but this is more like a StreamStory, right? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Okay, we're done. Alex Rodriguez allegedly peed on his cousin's floor.