Alex Rodriguez allegedly peed on his cousin's floor

Alex Rodriguez allegedly peed on his cousin's floor. That's the headline, and we're not being deceptive. A-Rod is in a tiff/death struggle with his cousin, Yuri Sucart, former assistant and drug mule, and Sucart's wife is talking. From a New York Daily News exclusive exposé:

She said Rodriguez came to the Miami home Rodriguez provided to the Sucarts in 2010 and vowed to destroy the family if they went public with his use of performance-enhancing drugs. Then he urinated on the floor, she said, as if to mark the house as his territory.

With help from the ominous-sounding SB Nation Superlab, we have jokes.

Joke #1

The worst part is that the rug really tied the room together.

Joke #2

Sucart knew something was up when he came home and the entire house totally smelled like steroids.

Joke #3

Tinkles to Evers to Chance.

Joke #4

It took him several minutes to start peeing because he doesn't perform well under pressure.

Joke #5

"A teary Sucarte revealed the details of that day, noting that 'He started peeing right in the centaur of the room.'"

Joke #6

Boy, Alex Rodriguez sure puts the pee in PEDs.

Joke #7

Derek Jeter probably knows how to pee the right way. Like, in a toilet. No, seriously, he does.

Joke #7.1

Because he has PEE2PECT for other people.

Joke #8

Good thing he hit the floor, because if any of that stuff got on a houseplant, well ...

Joke #9

Something to do with this GIF:

You figure out the joke part. Maybe something about Gold Gloves.

Joke #10

We just added this to the SB Nation StoryStream, but this is more like a StreamStory, right? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Sorry.

Okay, we're done. Alex Rodriguez allegedly peed on his cousin's floor.