You don't have to crush someone's grandmother underneath you to catch a ball in the stands, you know. Sometimes, just being lazy will do wonders for your souvenir dreams:
He's chewing popcorn -- which he doesn't drop nor spill from his occupied hand -- and one-hands the ball, impressing all the nearby ladies and earning a round of applause. That's just the kind of cool you need to pull off wearing a Hartford Whalers shirt to a baseball game in 2014.
Then again, he looks perplexed as to how it even got in his hand, so maybe not: