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Carlos Valderrama: Sex is key to World Cup relaxation

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Carlos Valderrama: world football great, hair pioneer and World Cup sexologist.

Tullio M. Puglia

The World Cup can be stressful for players. The world is watching and you have the weight of your entire country on your shoulders.

So how do you relax at the tournament?

Sex, of course.

Carlos Valderrama, who played in three World Cups for Colombia says that relaxing is easy. Just do it.

"If we had sex, sex at the World Cup, we would have been better," Valderrama told El Tiempo. "We would have relaxed after games, especially after losses. That's total relaxation.

"Of course it's better to have sex during the World Cup."

If Valderrama is right, Mexico is screwed. Miguel Herrera has banned the team's players from having sex at the tournament -- as well as alcohol and beef, so expect El Tri to be the saddest team in Brazil -- but Valderrama is on board with Luiz Felipe Scolari's limitations on the sex Brazil players can have.

Scolari said that his players can have sex, just not "acrobatic sex," which is right in line with Valderrama's thoughts.

"You should not be doing ‘the Tequendama Falls' or ‘roller coaster' or any weird pose," Valderrama said. "It should be quiet, coolly, without inventing crazy poses."

So in review, the keys to World Cup success are 1. Have sex. 2. Calm down your sex.