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Groin protecting compression shorts are here!

With added dong holder.

When players align in a wall to defend a free kick, you will often see them cover their groins, but that may be a thing of the past thanks to Gilmore's Support Shorts. The new compression shorts are designed to protect players' groins and coming to a store near you.


Groin Disruption? Inguinal Disruption? Athletic Pubalgia? Well that knocks some of the funny off of this.

Oh, there's a dong holder!

But don't get too excited. You can't just go on and wear them daily once you buy them (and let's be honest, you're going to want to) because it takes some time for them to mold to your...the FAQ explains it.

Please remember not to wear the shorts too often the first few times as they will be tight and will need time to break into your shape. Its compression is working in areas that may not have been used to tight contact before.

Yep, tight contact. In...areas.

Can Gilmore rush these over for the Stanley Cup Check Playoffs?

And just in case you think this is a joke or even a gimmick, remember, it is endorsed by Manchester United's Wilfried Zaha.


And now you know more about Zaha than you probably wanted to.

H/T Football Ramble, photos via Gilmore Facebook.