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Waffle House is boycotting Belgian waffles for the USMNT

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Waffle House wants you to stop eating waffles

Darren Carroll

Waffle House has planted their flag in the soil and proclaimed loudly "NO BELGIAN WAFFLES!"

It's a good old fashioned waffle-off with Waffle House proclaiming its love for the red, white and blue by shunning all others and preaching American waffles over their fruit and cream covered cousins. Thankfully most restaurants specialize in the American variety, so you should be okay -- but here are some helpful tips to ensure you're not a traitor on Tuesday.

  1. If the waffle is made with yeast, not baking powder, you have a BELGIAN WAFFLE
  2. If the grid pattern is deep and the pockets are large, you have a BELGIAN WAFFLE
  3. If an eagle delivered the waffle to you by air drop, winked, then flew away in a cloud of stars and Sousa music, you have an AMERICAN WAFFLE (also you're high)
  4. If it's covered in syrup you probably have an AMERICAN WAFFLE but it could be a BELGIAN WAFFLE in disguise, posing as a mole. Question it first before consumption
  5. It is fine to eat EGGS BENEDICT because they weren't named after Benedict Arnold. This could be a decent breakfast route if you want to avoid the whole waffle thing

Of course if the prospect of eating a traitor waffle is freaking you out and giving you anxiety there's another chain restaurant who's got you covered (sadly not smothered).