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The ESPYs are on, so welcome to our award show, the SBs!

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We have our own awards to give! They are different from ESPN's awards.

Chung Sung-Jun

Today is the slowest day on the sports calendar -- no MLB, no NBA, no NFL, no NHL, no World Cup, etc. -- so ESPN holds the ESPYs!

However, we, the people of the Internet, like sports for so many reasons that are not captured in the awards they give out, like Play of the Year, Best Male Athlete of the Year, and so on and so forth. And plus, we really hate it when people think that SB Nation is "ESPY Nation," which happens once in every 20 times we say what site we work for.

So, we present to you THE FIRST ANNUAL SBs, with an internetty touch. Check back here as the night goes on to find out the nominees and winners.

Butt of the Year

And your nominees:

Giants coach weird butt flex

Andy Reid twerks on Philip Rivers

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Buttgoal

Puckinyopants_medium

Vince Wilfork cookin' ribs butt

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Jake Butt tweeting about his name being butt

Javier Mascherano's torn anus
In the mixed zone, Javier Mascherano spared no words to describe the move: "I do not want to be rude ... I tore the anus that play. So the pain ..."

And the winner is...

VINCE WILFORK COOKIN' RIBS BUTT

Vince.0_standard_783.0

Next up...

Sports Animal of the Year

And the nominees, after a BRUTAL elimination process:

Golf turtle

Soccer beagle

Dogoal

DMX llama

Hank!

Hero dog

Gooddog

Hero cat

And the winner is....
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!Hank

The Ginuwine Living Memorial Pony Of The Year

An tribute to SB Nation's favorite song. Your nominees:

The Tampa Bay Rays celebrate

Hockey player rides an opponent

Pony figure skating:

Bartolo Colon-y

Ref rides Derek Fisher:

And the winner is...

BARTOLO COLON-Y!

And now, the nominees for...

Sports Person Tweet of the Year

Carmelo Anthony's Glazed Donut Face Ass

Kevin Pritchard mixes up the Brooklyn Nets and Brooklyn Decker

Jim Irsay's incredibly scary self portrait

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Roy Hibbert's naughty Bengay

Tony Allen's Disney on Ice appreciation

Joel Embiid aspiring to slide up in Kim Kardashian's DMs

And the SB goes to...

OBVIOUSLY CARMELO ANTHONY'S GLAZED DONUT FACE ASS!