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Check out these stupid All-Star Game hats

Okay, some of them aren't bad. But I reflexively dislike new things because I'm a baseball fan.


Ranking these hats in the order of "not bad" to "oh dammit, stop" (with a larger picture here):

1. Blue Jays
2. A's
3. Twins
4. Dodgers
5. Cubs
6. Indians
7. Rays
8. Padres
9. Royals
10. Orioles
11. Brewers
12. Angels

intermission between tolerable hats and awful hats

13. White Sox
14. Pirates
15. Phillies
16. Tigers
17. Marlins
18. Astros
19. Yankees
20. Nationals
21. Red Sox
22. Cardinals
23. Rangers
24. Rockies
25. Reds
26. Giants
27. Braves
28. Diamondbacks
29. Mets
30. Mariners

Look at that horrible Mariners hat. Coming up next, an article arguing against the one-player-from-every-team rule, just because I don't want to see that '90s-nasty Mariners hat. It looks like a Saved By The Bell episode getting in a fight with Jim McMahon. "At least the turquoise matches well with the black back," you weren't just thinking.

According to, these logos are based off the '79 Twins helmet, because we usually do so well looking back at the '70s for fashion inspiration.

"The 2014 MLB All-Star Game: Trust us, it looks a lot better after a lot of cocaine"

(The Blue Jays cap is kind of cool, though.)