FIFA is a miraculous game franchise. Modern versions of the game have incredible graphics, and are realistic enough to captivate you for hours and days and months while video game-y enough to be fun. You can lose yourself in a dynasty mode, you can kill away days playing friends. They are crowning achievements of what sports video games can be.
They were not always that way.
FIFA International Soccer (sometimes called "FIFA 94") was the first edition of FIFA. It only had national teams, and these teams had fictional players. It was a pretty good effort for an early rendition of a video game, but we're not here to praise it. We're here to talk about two of the most fun glitches in video game history. (Well, I guess we kind of are praising it, but not in the way its makers intended.)
1. You just had to stand in front of the goalie when he punted it to score
(Vine via this video, which deals with the finer points of the game)
My uncle bought this game for my brother on a floppy disk. I was four. I was not good enough at it to actually score, because I was four, and four-year-olds aren't good at anything.
However, I quickly learned that if the goalie ended up with the ball, the game's AI was not good enough to teach him to avoid your player with his eventual punt. He'd just wallop it right into you, and the ball would deflect off your player into the goal.
For an older person, the thrill of this would wear off fast. For a four-year-old, GOALS ALL DAY. I won so many games with the United States.
We were reminded of this by this happening today.
2. You could avoid getting carded by running away from the ref
The makers of the game thought they were adding a realistic touch by having the ref sprint over to a player when booking them. In fact, they were just adding the ability for you to lead the ref on a wild goose chase:
You couldn't escape: the ref would continue his dogged, clumsy pursuit until you stopped running, at which point he'd issue his verdict. But you could make that jerk work for as long as you pleased.
We wish real soccer players would take this tactic, trying to go on the lam instead of facing their punishment, although we think the ref would just write the dude's name down on the card and go on with his day instead of chasing him for hours.
Video games have come a long way, but we kind of wish they were still like this: crappy in a few specific, hilarious ways.