Water is cold and wet. These qualities cause sensations. Sensations cause feelings, which cause reactions. A human shuts his eyes, winces, maybe even runs away. Harbaugh bats his eyelashes for a fraction of a second, but keeps his lids open for the duration of the actual splash. Not only does he keep his smile wide, he actually engages the "open" function mid-pour to affect "EXPRESSION > DELIGHTED." We must not tolerate this.
Is this something a human would say?
Jim Harbaugh's fleece looked almost completely dry after the ice water bath. He wasn't surprised: "It's like a ShamWow!"— Bay Area Sports Guy (@BASportsGuy) August 16, 2014
No, it's not. The processor is clearly running the "JOKES > DAD" operation. And that uncanny dryness is suspect, too. I think it's making him stronger, guys.
Jim Harbaugh is an evil robot and should not be allowed to coach an NFL team.