A 4-year-old bulldog achieved a new record in the increasingly implausibly wide-ranging Guinness Book of World Records on Sunday in Lima, Peru, skating through the legs of 30 people to set the record for "the longest human tunnel traveled through by a dog skateboarder."
And: Yeah, cool skateboarding dog! Look at him, with his big dog smile and his waggling dog tongue. Look at how deftly he balances and steers, even giving himself a little mid-ride kick off to keep up his speed. How nice, you might think!
Sure, "longest human tunnel traveled through by a dog skateboarder" is all fine and good. But we're missing the real Guinness opportunity here: Longest dog tunnel traveled through by a human skateboarder. How many dogs can a human skateboarder pass under? How many cookies will he receive for trying?
I am willing to find out. Guinness: Take note. The real race begins now.