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Turn Thanksgiving into a sport with our 'Sportsgiving' scorecard

Turning life into sport is fun. That's how a few drunk people smacking balls with sticks became golf. This year we want to up the stakes of your Thanksgiving by joining us in a game of "SPORTSGIVING." The rules are simple: Achieve our goals listed below and give yourself a score.

Category: Food
Eat a plate 3
Eat the LARGEST plate at your table 5
Eat a second plate, as large as your first 3
Eat a plate at one party, travel, eat a second plate 5
Avoid all non-casserole vegetables (mashed potatoes excluded) 2
Eat a slice of pie 1
Eat TWO slices of pie 3
Eat Thanksgiving dinner and never eat a single piece of turkey 5
Category: Sports
Say over and over again "NFL ratings have never been better!" 1 per mention
Convince the oldest person at Thanksgiving that Tony Romo is actually Phil Simms, and Simms got plastic surgery. 10
Tell your dad he's the world's second-best dad after LaVar Ball 8
Exclaim "WOW! HE'S THE REAL TURKEY!" after every single bad play 1 per mention
Convince your family that Donald Trump played point guard for the 1974 Buffalo Braves 12
Say "Arthur memes" when asked what you're thankful for 3
Category: Random
Say "So, how about that Russia investigation?" 0.5 per 30 seconds of uninterrupted political conversation
Get your dad/uncle to complain about the utility or cable company during dinner 6
Film your dad/uncle complaining about the utility/cable company 4
Subtly tell everyone what presents you want 4


0-10: Sportsgiving curler

11-20: Sportsgiving amateur

21-30: Sportsgiving pro

31-40: Sportsgiving all-pro

41-50: Sportsgiving Hall of Famer

100+: Sportsgiving bust -- you just ruined Thanksgiving.