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Turning life into sport is fun. That's how a few drunk people smacking balls with sticks became golf. This year we want to up the stakes of your Thanksgiving by joining us in a game of "SPORTSGIVING." The rules are simple: Achieve our goals listed below and give yourself a score.
Challenge |
Points |
| Category: Food | |
| Eat a plate | 3 |
| Eat the LARGEST plate at your table | 5 |
| Eat a second plate, as large as your first | 3 |
| Eat a plate at one party, travel, eat a second plate | 5 |
| Avoid all non-casserole vegetables (mashed potatoes excluded) | 2 |
| Eat a slice of pie | 1 |
| Eat TWO slices of pie | 3 |
| Eat Thanksgiving dinner and never eat a single piece of turkey | 5 |
| Category: Sports | |
| Say over and over again "NFL ratings have never been better!" | 1 per mention |
| Convince the oldest person at Thanksgiving that Tony Romo is actually Phil Simms, and Simms got plastic surgery. | 10 |
| Tell your dad he's the world's second-best dad after LaVar Ball | 8 |
| Exclaim "WOW! HE'S THE REAL TURKEY!" after every single bad play | 1 per mention |
| Convince your family that Donald Trump played point guard for the 1974 Buffalo Braves | 12 |
| Say "Arthur memes" when asked what you're thankful for | 3 |
| Category: Random | |
| Say "So, how about that Russia investigation?" | 0.5 per 30 seconds of uninterrupted political conversation |
| Get your dad/uncle to complain about the utility or cable company during dinner | 6 |
| Film your dad/uncle complaining about the utility/cable company | 4 |
| Subtly tell everyone what presents you want | 4 |
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Scorecard
0-10: Sportsgiving curler
11-20: Sportsgiving amateur
21-30: Sportsgiving pro
31-40: Sportsgiving all-pro
41-50: Sportsgiving Hall of Famer
100+: Sportsgiving bust -- you just ruined Thanksgiving.