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Someone paid $525,800 for a Mickey Mantle card and it was totally the Illuminati

Stay woke.

Darren Rovell dropped some interesting baseball card news on Friday:

That's a crazy amount of money to pay for one baseball card, even if it's 63 years old and highlights a baseball legend. Normal people would assume that a single rich person bought that card. Hell, it might have been Martin Shkreli, the much loathed pharmaceutical exec who recently bought the $2 million Wu-Tang Clan album. That's believable.

But what if -- now hear me out, here -- the Illuminati bought it? It's not far-fetched. Think about it. Here are my reasons:

1. The association with the number of the Devil

The number of figures in the price: 6

The number of letters in "MICKEY": 6

The number of letters in "MANTLE": 6

2. There's a triangle embedded in the "A" of "MANTLE."


The last time the price was high was 1996, the year after Mantle died, therefore...

4. One of Mickey Mantle's nicknames was "The Commerce Comet."

And you know how the Illuminati managed to get a hold of his expensive card? Commerce. CUE MUSIC.

5. The Yankees logo contains all the letters in "ILLUMINATI":

6. I can't afford to buy that card, so it must have been the Illuminati.

Stay woke, everyone.